It was shortly after one and a family of four waked into the New Fusion Buffet.

“Hello. How many for today?” I asked. I know, I know, wasn’t it obvious? But you never know, some people have groups that they eat with.

I brought them to their table and as I turned to return to the hostess booth, the eight year old boy handed me a piece of paper.

“Here’s your ticket to Heaven.” He said with a smile and moved on to his chair.
“What?” I was confused because I didn’t hear what the child said and the first thing that came to my mind was that he was trying to sell me something.

“It’s your ticket to Heaven.” The father clarified.

“Oh, thanks.” I said and walked off.
How cute! The little boy wants to share Jesus with everyone, I thought as I returned to the booth.

And then I read the track title,

“From Narcotics to the Nazarene.”

Didn’t think I looked that bad this morning.

So I went into a little Chinese place , New Fusion Buffet, on Wednesday because they had a “hiring” sign out and I needed a job. After debating on whether my ethnicity would drastically affect my chances of achieving employment at this little place, I hesitantly walked inside. I noticed that everyone working there was Chinese and I felt even worse. I don’t really know if I expected any non-Chinese people to be working there, but I surely hoped for it.

You should just turn around and run out. I thought. Or better yet… get n eggroll to go and then turn around and run out.

The little Chinese lady looked about my age or maybe a little older (though, I think all Chinese people look young) and she walked over to me with raised eyebrows.

“Hi, I was wondering if I could pick up an application?” I spouted off the line I had memorized and used quite frequently since I came here to Cincinnati for the summer.

She just smiled and pointed to another girl walked quickly over. It was then that I realized that Chinese girl #1 (for lack of a better classification system.. aka… I don’t know her name or I would have stated it) did not speak English.

“Yes?” The other girl, who again looked like she was my age, inquired.

I repeated the familiar line again, feeling more hopeless than before.

“Yeah. We don’t have application. I’ll ask you just a few questions. The job is for a hostess who stands there (she motioned to a little stand with a notified on it). You can come on Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays from 11-2 and 5-8? You come 11-2 and then leave and come back 5-8. Then you get 6.75 an hour in cash. We pay in cash. So, you start Friday?”

“Ummm…. Ok.” I said, still processing what she was saying.

“Ok, so, see you Friday.” She turned to leave. “Oh, I should get some information. You worked before?”

“Yeah, lots of places.” Came my professional answer. “Churches, a college, and a pet store.”

“Ok. Write down your name and your phone number.” She handed me a piece of paper and a pen. While I wrote, she wrote her name on a menu with the phone number of the place on it.

“See you Friday.” She announced when I was through and that was it.

Odd… but I have a job…
well… at least till I find other work.

So maybe this is bigger than I thought. I know that You are always Bigger. I know that You bring strength to the weak. You are the Provider of life and Life abundantly. If I need something, You have promised that you will supply it.

Lord? Father? Hold my hand, please. You promised never to leave me. I want to hear You. Even if it’s just an exhale. I just want to feel You close. Please, Lord?
Only You can complete me. Only You can make me feel secure and loved. Only You can make me feel home.

Was Paul ever afraid? As he left his family and friends, as he spoke out radically for Your name, as he was thrown out of churches and cities, was he ever fearful? Did he ever look back? Did he ever have even a flicker of fear?

Please, Lord. Teach my heart to be like Paul. Teach my mind to rest in Your securities, in Your provisions, in all that You have lain. Please, Lord, teach my heart to find more completion in You. Teach me to walk on, boldly, and proclaim Your Truth and Your standards without fear of loosing those who mean the most to me.

Lord, You are worth so much more than anything I could ever desire. Help me never to forget that. Whisper that Truth in my ear when I doubt and when I fear.

I’ll go.
Send me!

Whatever the cost, I’ll go!

You are Bigger.

I can recall as a child watching endless Disney movies about princesses in far, far away places. I’m not sure whether I chose to watch these films or my mother chose for me in an effort to get me to sit still, but regardless, I soon found myself, like every other girl, longing to become a part of a fairytale myself.
My sister and I would dress in long, beautiful dresses (my dad’s old t-shirts) and imitate songs from the princess movies about falling in love. I find it quite interesting how at the age of 6 I had a full and complete understanding that I was incomplete and that my heart must wait for her Prince.

This morning in the shower, Cinderella’s love song came into my head. Resisting the urge to break out into a full concert presentation of the piece, I hummed the tune as I sang the lyrics in my head.

“So this is love (hum). So this love… so this is what makes life complete.”

Wait, what?! Did I just say love makes life complete? Christ’s love does. But Cinderella most definitely is not referring to Christ as she waltzes about with the handsome prince.

“My heart has wings (hum) and I can fly. I’ll touch every star in the sky. So this is the miracle that I’ve been dreaming of. So this is love (hum) so this is love.”

Wow, and as I recall, there’s a line in the song that says, “the key to all Heaven is mine.”

Amazing how quickly the world creeps in, huh?

I mean don’t get me wrong, I’m not proposing that we ban together and storm Disney. (In a gravely, British voice) “Grab your torch and pitchforks.” But the world sure does creep in in unexpected places. Innocent movies about the poor, unloved princesses finding a home and happiness in a beautiful castle may not be portraying the messages that are most beneficial for my ears. Metaphorically you could apply the story of Cinderella to the bride of Christ being united with Christ. Sure, metaphorically you can stretch almost anything to make yourself feel better about entertaining your mind with a message. But in all reality, when a six year old or a four year old sits on the floor and watches story after story about a princess who is completed by her prince, is she really mature enough to understand that human love will never complete her?

Princess stories are fun. Pretending is fun. And one day, our Prince will come, but He will be so much more than any brown haired and blue eyed boy could ever be.

See, I’ve learned that I must be careful what messages I entertain my mind with. Because as long as I know that it’s a fairytale and I monitor just how much time I am devoting to fiction verses reality, then I consider myself to contain the judgment and the wisdom in order to keep from believing ungodly messages. But if I ever grab my hoop-skirt and ascend to the tallest tower to await my prince, I pray that my Prince will come save me from the lies that I can be completed by anything but Himself.

So this has been a struggle, not a joy ride, but a struggle. I’m not really sure why I thought it would be a joy ride. Naive. Isn’t that funny? I mean, I know that any time I throw myself at You, God, there will always be opposition. And yet it totally caught me off-guard.

One foot in front of the other.
I will follow the sound of Your voice.

Lord, I am learning to take bold steps. Big steps. I trust You to guide me. Teach me to be more obedient. Teach me to be more like Christ. Breathe the breath of Life into me that I may have no desire to look back as I run after You. Set my feet to dancing. Set my heart on fire. Burn away my impurities. Bleach out my pride. Break me into submission that I may learn to worship You in a way that is more satisfying to You. Teach these ears to listen to Your voice and Your voice alone. Speak through me, Lord. Use me as You desire. Lord, I long to be less. Make me so much less. Lord, make me anonymous. I don’t deserve glory or praise.

Hold my hand in Yours. Proceed me, follow me and walk beside me.
I need You. I only want You. Take away everything that is not of You.
Please, Lord, make me the woman You desire.

Lead me on and I will run after You.