So I was going to take a moment to complain about writting a check to WSU, but I feel really convicted about my complaining. Instead of complaining, which draws attention to myself, I have decided to state the facts.

It’s by God’s mercy that I have a financial burden this summer.
It’s by God’s mercy that I have a job that pays me slightly over my bill fees.
It’s by God’s mercy that a work situation has arose causing me to seek further employment.
It’s by God’s mercy that I may be able to work at the factory.
It’s by God’s mercy that I have youth girls who come to visit me on rough days.
It’s by God’s mercy that I have big challenges in my faith life.
It’s by God’s mercy that I am learning to be satisfied in unsatisfyig situations.
It’s by God’s mercy that my car is falling apart.
It’s by God’s mercy that my car has not died yet.
It’s by God’s mercy that I don’t know if I will be able to start classes in the fall.
It’s by God’s mercy that I have a best friend who I get to call to encourage and to encourage me.
It’s by God’s mercy that I have pets in my life to make me smile.
It’s by God’s mercy that I am fearful enough of the future few months that it creates change in the way I handle the present few.
It’s by God’s mercy that I am learning what it means to walk by faith and follow without sight.
It’s by God’s mercy that I am given another day to ty to make God smile.
It’s by God’s mercy that I am surrounded by mission fields here in Cincinnati.
It’s by God’s mercy that I am given struggles, hurts and troubles.
It’s by God’s mercy and NOTHING ELSE.

So in the light of things that oppress me and lay heavy on my chest, I need to lift my eyes to the heavens and cry out, “Thank You Lord! You bless me. Thank You!”

For only then can I claim to rely on Christ and walk FAITHFULLY no matter what may come.

Teach me to better give thanks in my troubles, hurts and struggles. And if that means bringing more troubles in order to teach me by example, then Lord, I pray for more hardships. Do whatever it takes to teach me to walk closer to You. I love You and I need You more than breath. Teach me to dwell on You and not me.

You are worthy of my praise for eternity and I am determined to give you my praise through the struggles of this flesh. Teach me more eternal praise; that I may learn how precisely You would like to be and will be exhaulted for eternity.

I love You and I need You. Please be glorified. And if that includes me in any way, You know You have my devotion.

“Amen, blessing and glory and wisdom and thanksgiving and honor and power and might, be to our God forever and ever. Amen.” (Revelation 7:12)

“For if I preach the gospel, I have nothing to boast of, for I am under compulsion; for woe is me if I do not preach the gospel. For if I do this voluntarily, I have a reward; but if against my will, I have a stewardship entrusted to me. What then is my reward? That when I preach the gospel, I may offer the gospel without charge, so as not to make full use of my right in the gospel. For though I am free from all men, I have made myself a slave to all, so that I may win more. To the Jews I became as a Jew, so that I might win Jews; to those who are under the Law, as under the Law though not being myself under the Law, so that I might win those who are under the Law; to those who are without law, as without law, though not being without the law of God but under the law of Christ, so that I might win those who are without law. To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak; I have become all things to all men, so that I may by all means save some. I do all things for the sake of the gospel, so that I may become a fellow partaker of it. Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win. Everyone who competes in the games exercises self-control in all things. They then do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. Therefore I run in such a way, as not without aim; I box in such a way, as not beating the air; but I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that, after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified.”~ 1 Corinthians 9: 16-27 (inspired by God, written by Paul).

Yesterday as my mother watered her plants, I observed as she picked the dead leaves off the plants. Being what I would presume to be a great annoyance, I pointed out the dying, sun-scorched, dehydrated plants for my mom.

“That one’s dead.” I pointed and wrinkled my nose.
” No it’s not! It goes through a dormant phase where the flower that has already bloomed withers away. But once the petals have fallen off and it’s all gone, it blooms again and produces a really beautiful flower. Look, ” She pointed to a few green leaves, “new growth. No, this is alive!”

Dry, dehydrated, sun-scorched, useless, worthless, ugly, unneeded, unwanted, forgotten…

and yet… there is new growth.

The dead leaves had purpose.

There is Life!

You complete me.

God has given me a very big challenge to pay off a Wright State Bill in addition to my regular monthly bills. I really have no idea how this is going to happen. But I trust that the Lord, my Rock and my Salvation will work in ALL ways for my good. But I just have to remember that He is defining “good,” not me. So with those thoughts and fears in the back of my mind, I drove to Fairfield last night after borrowing money from my mom to fill my gas tank. I think both of her and I knew that she would never see the money repaid, but she smiled and gave me her check card anyway.

I played the evening away with 2 year old Katie and four year old Josie. Katie was extra sleepy, so she was a clinger, which is highly uncharacteristic of the nonstop “on the go” Katie that I know. Josie was her regular four year-old self, directing and permitting us to play. (Hehe, Four year-old are funny when they go through the bossy stage.)

The evening was wearing down and it was time for Katie to wish us all goodnight. Of course bedtime was never a good idea in Katie’s mind, she would much rather stay up and play all evening, despite the yawns and the eye rubbings. She went down with fussing and crying. But after some rocking in the rocking chair, Katie found comfort and rest in her little crib. She’s so precious.

Then is was Josie’s turn. “Do I have to go to bed?” She began questioning the instant I exited Katie’s room.

“Why of course, silly.” I laughed. “We all have to go to bed at some point.”
“Well, I’m thirsty. Can I have some milk?” was her attempt to avoid the bedtime issue for a while.
So we headed downstairs for some milk. And the bedtime inquiries continued throughout the milk drinking event. Josie, enjoying the brilliance of her four year-old smarts, decided that drinking her milk slowly would allow her to stay up longer. So I poured myself a large glass of milk (despite them having only this nasty health milk for the kids that I knew would taste awful).
“Do you think you can finish your glass of milk before me?” I asked, looking at her inch of milk that was left.
She grabbed her straw and stuck it in her cup and the games began.
I was right… the milk tasted horrible! But I have this cool ability to plug my nose without using my fingers, so the taste eventually dulled out. Josie won, but I was only two gulps from the bottom of my glass and was happy that #1 Josie’s milk was gone and #2 mine was nearly in the same condition. “Ok, since you won, we can play one game before bedtime.”

After we put together a puzzle, Josie happily scampered upstairs to her parent’s room for bed. Josie and Katie share a room, so she gets the privilege of sleeping in mommy and daddy’s room until Katie is thoroughly and completely beyond the stages of light sleep. Josie sleeps like a rock, so she never notices when mommy or daddy scoop her up and move her back to her room.

We, being Josie with some help from me, got into pajamas and tucked in the covers to satisfaction. It was cute to see how the little girl sunk into such a huge bed. She looked so small again. It reminded me of how little Katie is in comparison to an adult.
“Do you want me to sit in that chair for a little while until you go to sleep?” I asked, familiar with the routine.
“No,” Josie giggled, “I’d never get to sleep with you watching me.”

Makes my job easier, I though. And just as I was turning to leave the room, I heard stirring in discomfort with her decision.
“Did you want me to lay with you for a little while?” I asked, figuring that’s what mommy or daddy did.
“Yeah,” came her quiet, sweet voice.

So I laid down and she fiddled until she was comfortable. I closed my eyes to pretend to sleep, you know… speeds up the process. I opened my eyes a few times to see if it was working and saw her staring at me. “What are you watching me for?” I asked in a silly voice. She just laughed, that tired and out of control laugh that told me that sleep was quickly approaching for her little exhausted body. So I readjusted myself and pretended once again to go to sleep. In all reality, I was exhausted, it had been a long day for me as well. All was quiet, all was still.

And then I felt Josie poking me. What in the world is that child doing? I thought. Shhh, stay still and pretend your asleep. Maybe she’s just wanting to avoid bedtime again.
But the poking persisted.

“What are you doing? ” I finally asked.
“I want your hand.” Came the small voice.
I extended my hand and her little fingers clung to three fingers, since her hand couldn’t fully encompasses all five. And then in two seconds flat, she was out. I tried to remove my hand from her exhausted little grip, but as I moved, the fingers latched on tighter, holding me closer and refusing to let go. Such a sweet little thing. I waited patiently until she was in deep sleep and then moved her limp grip to a nearby stuffed friend of hers.

But as silly as it may sound. God really blessed me last night.

It was just another reaffirmation that my Lord will hold my hand through whatever comes. No matter who He uses to do it, He will find a way to tell me… to show me that His hand is and will forever be placed in mine.

I love you, Lord.