Nickel, plastic, and all the cheap earring relatives and relati0ns, this one’s for you:

For every gold sprayed delight and hand painted copper, my sanity goes out to thee.
Such gifts of green puss and expanding, enkindled ears you give.
Such superior manufacture, unbreakable to all but the touch.
And how blissful those Pirate days of one- ear- earringed joy.

Cheap earrings, what would the world do without you?
Hide and Seek would never be the same.
Jewlry counters worldwide would vanish all due to content consumers’ discovery of preferable products.

Ah, yes… cheap earrings… your dispensible, nominal, glitzy, erroneous, adverse characteristics enervate all your admirers.

So, alas, I must find another… yes… I bid thee farewell. I must asset another who can better propitiate and palliate these universal desires of my two lobes.

Farewell. Farewell.

[throws them in the trash can.]
(I shall be saving for “real” earrings.)