WHAT a task!!!

I woke up this morning and God spoke to me instantly…

much is coming,

much to be excited about.

Funny thing? The message came in a hidden picture. I was looking online for a website that Tamara had suggested for personal studies. Being as how my personal studies really bite the big one lately… I wanted to find some Bible Study material to learn myself. Being a big ol’ nerd… I was really looking forward to sinking in to study, study, study the Word. But I couldn’t find the website. So.. I’ll be contacting Tamara soon.

Nonetheless, I did find a random website that made me wonder about Apex’s site. So I turned to Apex’s site and looked under the “listen” section to check out Rob’s sermons. I scrolled down the page a bit and realized that the page went much further than I imagined. I smiled a painful smile as I read the sermon titles that I sat throught. A little hurt grew up in my heart as I thought about leaving it Apex. Then there was a time period that I wasn’t familiar with. Way back in 2002… April 21… “When God gets ahold of Estrogen”. It was funny but I wondered what Rob sounded liek when Apex started. Back in the dark ages… in the beginning…. of Apex. I clicked on the sound clip and my friend’s voice blared from the recording. I smiled thinking of how “little” Rob sounded. And how poorly it was recorded. Rob introduced Proverbs 31, the first half, and promised to continue the second half the following week. But a few words rang in my ears… words in passing… “I just wanted to thank all the people who helped in moving us in here this week…” the congregation cheered. A biginning was established.

I thought about Matt’s beginning. I thought about the opportunities Matt has right now to preach, even prior to him attending Seminary. God is truly at work in him. But in that statement, fear arose… I just don’t feel I’m good enough. I just don’t feel like I’m that kind of women. Ever felt inadequate for God’s work? I really do. And I allow it to scare me.

“How big is God?” I used to ask the kids at work.
“He’s bigger than…” began their train of thought as they proceeded to list everything big that they could think of.

Monica, How big is God?

A beginning has such an adventurous start, such an exciting start… and when I get fearful, I wish I’d look at how big God is and stop relying on my sight.

Oh, but I’m not going to lie… my sight is often my default. “Just have faith” a pastor could say… oh and it wouldn’t be untruthful.

But sometimes I just feel… inadequate.

But I will go. I will go. Lord, I will go!
And I will learn what “by faith and not by site” truly means.

For the glory of the Lord
[I surely can’t do it.]
For the glory of the Lord!

And I need to hold to that.
Oh, how I need to hold to that.