I am that co-worker.

– for those of you who didn’t know. –

On Wednesday a coworker notified the staff that she’s pregnant. I was so happy for her and yet it got me to thinking about how horrifying the shock of pregnancy could be.

It got me thinking about how much of a joy, but how unplanned fears of the unfamiliar can help determine a mother’s tolerance for “morning sickness” or all of the other pains and scares of pregnancy.

And then I wondered about my clients.

I wonder how many of them came as a surprise to their mothers. And especially in the “little kid’s” room across the hall, I wonder how it must have felt to see “the baby” not being able to grow out of that stage. I wonder what it felt like the first time a mother realised that “the baby” wasn’t like other babies.

A lot of our clients’ parents come in with frustrations. “He doesn’t act right.” “He can’t behave.” And a lot of parents of these kids want us to fix this kid.

But some parents are just flat out overwhelmed with the plight that has been handed them, or the plight that they have chosen. It’s so easy to make a naive decision. And not all things come out just like they’re planned, no matter how well thought out.
And the more that I’m an “adult” I realise how much “we adults” don’t know. It’s not like you’re handed this manual or all of a sudden after college answers to hard like situations pop into your head.

Experience shapes us.

And then to think that some of the beginnings of the stressors of these parents’ lives began with a plus sign that could never be erased.

It just makes me think that not every story is written in the ideal… but with a little encouragement and supports, the story does not have to end like it began…

unplanned.

… I was just thinking …

Cast:
Me – myself
“the guy” – representative of Matt in appearance, but not in character
Miranda – my friend Miranda in appearance, though not in character
Chris – Miranda’s husband, yet non-existent in the plot

Sketch:

Me and the guy are riding in a car late one night.

Me: Miranda wants to marry you as a backup plan in case her and Chris don’t work out

the guy: No… no

Me: No, I really don’t think it’s a bad idea, I think you should go for it

Various explanations mumbled against the silence.

the guy: Ok, fine

[Implied few months later.]

The church is filled with people, not a pew-space available. Big hats, flowery dresses, much chatter. An organ plays in the background. A bride and groom stand on the church stage by the altar. Some dialogue ensues between pastor and couple, but exact words cannot be deducted through side conversations.

Me: Sits there in shock, mouth agaping; obviously having changed mind about wedding plans.

Exit music begins and bridal party starts to leave.

Me: exits in overwhelmed emotional state after bride/groom

the guy: notices Me running to the bathroom and pursues.

Me: enters restroom stall and bawls hysterically and exhaustively.

the guy: [through the closed bathroom door] What’s wrong? Are you okay?

Me: [between sobs] Those vows you just said canceled our vows and isn’t it illegal to have more than one wife?

the guy: No, it’s only illegal to have three or more wives, not two.

Me: [between sobs] Are you going to dance with her? [Implied after-reception activity. “Dancing” held to Me character as something that she only does with her husband because of feeling comfortable enough with him to look a fool.]

the guy: Yeah. But I won’t do anything else.

Me: runs from bathroom, wet with tears, toward parking lot.

the guy: does not pursue Me, but walks in the direction of his new bride.

And then I woke up in a cold sweat and nearly in tears. Matt lay beside me, breathing heavy. The clock read 4 something.

It didn’t really happen. I tried to reassure my mind as I came out of that dream-like haze. This is here and now. This is real. He wouldn’t do that. And Miranda wouldn’t do that. That was some nightmare. But I was sleepy enough to have an altered reality.

I put my arm out…

I didn’t want to wake him.
He needs his sleep.

4:15AM

4:25 AM

4:45AM

the numbers changed, but sleep never came.

At 5, I hugged him and wouldn’t let go. He woke up.
I told him.
He laughed initially when I explained the setting.

“What a jerk!” His sleepy voice empathized.

He rolled over, “Well you don’t have to worry about me marrying anyone.” He put his arm around me, “You’re the only one for me.”

-I have no idea why I had that nightmare, I know that Matt’s promise is forever. And it just tipped my world a little off thought with how real it all felt. I can’t even image what a wife must feel who goes through a divorce. I still have no idea what induced that dream, maybe I ate something funny, but what I do know is that I am blessed not to have to worry about any situation like that.-

Just as an FYI, this website can be accessed through “moe4him.blogspot.com” as well as the title “todaysmeans.com.” [I’m not sure if there will come a day in which “moe4him’s” address no longer directly connects to this site, so please don’t forget “todaysmeans”.) Yes, that means that I changed the page’s name to “todays means” because I felt it appropriate for each changing statge of life. Afterall, we are not promised tomorrow. Beyond that fact, God is constantly changing the ways that I think about Him and how to best spread His Name. Therefore, each post is merely “todays means” of living in this world.

It’s been over a week since the adventure, but it’s worth a quick post. Seminary was great.