This weekend marks our move-out and move-in weekend. That’s right, to the parsonage we go. Praise the Lord! So Matt and I, with much loving help from our friends and family, will take all the belongings of our little one-bedroom apartment and try to make it look like it belongs in our new 4 bedroom house.

I am so excited, people. So excited! All these wonderful ideas are popping into my head as I think about the new space that the Lord has loaned to us for a while. And with new hedge trimmers (which were free to us thanks to an Aunt’s gift card – thanks Aunt Greer) I sincerely find joy within my heart as I think of cutting back the overgrown shrubs. All the excitements and joys of a new place that Matt and I will be blessed to raise our starting family is coming at me at once.

Also, next weekend my sister gets married. YAY JES! And I get a new brother (even though I technically already had him as a Brother). I’m so excited and despite the fact that I will be going through the ringer with Jes in last minutes and welcoming incoming family, I really am looking forward to the exhaustion that it will all bring. Because at the end of the long days, my sister will be married to our new family member. And that’s super cool! I’m so excited for she and Nayt.

So, needless to say, with all that the Lord is giving Matt and I to joyfully accomplish over this weekend, this upcoming week and next weekend… this blog may be a little quieter than my fairly consistent ramblings. (Cause work is pickin‘ up quick here and I will be focused on wedding stuff Wednesday – Saturday night.)

So, I warn you all a head of time to grab some extra Kleenex and be ready for the separation anxiety that I’m sure will not be experienced. =) Take care, all!

Have you ever run across someone you used to know? Well it happened to me a little while ago. And without trying to be a complete jerk (though I’m sure I really can be and have been) there just are some people that you wold prefer to leave in your past. I’m not talking about some haunting, “I shouldn’t have done that,” past memory. I’m just talking about, “I have moved on and I’d like to progressing on,” kind of past memory.

God placed a defining decision before me. And I made a decision for His glory that changed my life direction forever. I chose the harder road. I picked the “not right in front of you” road that had risk of leaving my dreams in the dust.

But a little while ago I looked back at what was left behind. And I really didn’t want to.
But sometimes when you run into people of the past, you look back by default… for that is where that person belonged.

You know, but there’s this eerie feeling. This “I don’t want to go there” feeling. This awkward “I wonder who you really are” feeling and yet this desire to no longer know the answer. It’s kind of hard because you can only remember that person as they once were and yet you really wonder if they have grown on. But part of you really just doesn’t want to know.

Maybe I’m just a psycho…
but it’s really kind of weirded me out a bit over the past few days

and in risk of being a complete jerk, I really would just prefer not to go there ever again.

… maybe they felt that way too …

Some days it’s hard to believe that 3 and almost 1/2 months of nausea equals a baby. [Yes, I’m aware that they’re in there for longer than that.] And yes, I am confident that while my first trimester ends on Wednesday (or according to our insurance, ended a few days ago) the nausea will carry with me. Why am I convinced? Well, vomiting entered it’s late-stage presence during week 11 of pregnancy and it has only become a more steadily available option. And according to the Doctor’s experience, the nausea was suppose to tapper off and get less severe after week ten. Well, week ten was fiercely nauseated. But week 11 brought projectile. And then week 12 brought wipe-out, especially at the end. And week 13 has brought the routine of throwing up at work at least once per day and then moving on with life. I’ve really began to get good at the system, sadly.

Last night at about 5:15p we heard our baby’s heartbeat. “Don’t get upset if we can’t hear it yet,” the Dr. explained as she lubricated my stomach and put the microphone close, “it’s hard to catch it s…” and then our child filled the room with a steady thump-thump. “That’s a strong heartbeat,” a med student said.

And for a few seconds, I just wanted to hold the baby right then and there. I was so proud.
Well done, little one, well done.

It just became a little more real, especially since a few days earlier I told Matt I didn’t feel pregnant. “You are.” He remarked quickly.

It’s funny but some days it feels like Matt and I are playing parents. We’re playing expecting. We’re playing a beginning family. And it’s weird to think that my dreams of being a mom, the very thing I could not be more sure that God has set me apart to become… it’s actually closer than I can imagine.

I don’t care what any scientist may say… there’s a baby inside of me. No mere word “fetus” can capture the pure miracle that God is making within me. That in there folks, is a baby.

And it’s my baby.

Yet some days that concept is so crazy to me. And I think… did I just say my baby? Mine?

See, I’ve taken the spit up, the nasty diapers, the throw up and so many other “mom-like” drawbacks of a good handful of kids in my lifetime. I’ve done some of the dirty work, the cooking, the staying up all night, and even witnessed many hours of tantrums and biting and you name it. But I’ve never claimed to be a mom, despite the fact that I’ve been accidentally called mom by many kids. No, I am well aware that moms have far greater sacrifice and a far deeper love. Yet, I’ve often felt a depth of love for the kids I have been blessed to care for… those are my kids. For that point in their life, they were part my kids. [Maybe I’m just crazy, but I really loved them all that much.] And I’d take care of a sick child, and do all the other “mom-like” things all over again, in the blink of an eye… it’s just what I love to do.

But now it’s a bit crazy to think that to this little baby growing inside of me, I’m going to be mom. “Mom” like what I think and what I feel when I think of my mom. That’s mom… and I’d do anything for her… She’s always there when you most need, reliable, and ready for a hug.
That’s my mom.

I love her so much.

– a mom –