Month: July 2008

Hiddenly Obvious Reminders

I heard on the radio this morning that Iran is working on and potentially even completed missiles that will reach Israel.
We got a phone call last night at 9:30 which was noticed and returned near 11pm. Matt’s Uncle was diagnosed with cancer and it has spread from his pancreas. He’s not doing so well. Matt’s Uncle, someone who’s never believed in prayer, called his brother and asked for Rodger and his church to pray for him. It was also asked that Matt and his church would pray for him.
Matt’s grandfather is going in for surgery on Monday to release the water from his brain. After Matt’s grandmother passed several months ago and his failing health, Matt’s Grandpa doesn’t have much to live for anymore. And he’s stated that before.
The only thing keeping Matt in the state on Monday is a 4:45pm pre-natal appointment. (Thinking rescheduling’s a good idea.)
I read today about Moses’ glowing face when talking to God and God’s promises to His people. And it stirred me to sing this morning. It’s been a long time. But those old strings felt right in my hands. And in the midst of everything we have learned and witnessed and seen, powerful words left my lips.
Our God Reigns
Our God Reigns
Forever His Kingdom Reigns

Do you realize the power of that truth?

It brought an opening and comfort to my life through the simple chorus. Seven words… acknowledging All Authority and Control.

You know, a lot of times I get lost looking at the “what ifs” and the “glass half emptys.” (Wink for Renee.) There’s a lot here on this earth to worry about. And yet God has brought it to my attention over the past few days how many trivial things people worry about: staffing for a group, snacks being provided, paperwork time frames, audit reviews, gaining weight, offending others, lacking purpose, health concerns, finances, being good parents, remembering, providing… the list can go on and feel free to add yours. And, I mean, people can even worry about worrying. Oh and we can come up with fun fleeting sayings and happy emailed and animated pictures, but at the end of the day we are left to battle out the sickening feeling in our stomachs.

Yet the message we have needed to hear has always existed. And it always will. In this world where we cannot control so much, God reigns. Not Allah, not Buddha (who never claimed to be a god), not the general feel-good God that is often referred to in North America…. but GOD reigns. FOREVER!

And for those who are not enemies of this all-powerful, all-knowing, all-loving, all-forgiving God, this is really good news. Really good news.

It means that I don’t have to worry. It’s all according to His plan. The health of the baby inside of me? I trust it will glorify God. I’ll just keep serving Him with myself in taking care of what He has given me. But who am I to dictate what is or is not best for me? I don’t even know all of me. There are still things that come out of my mind and my mouth that surprise me. And I can’t even reign in my own life. But I know a truth that is so freeing that I can smile in the light of destruction.

Our God Reigns.
Our God Reigns!
Forever His Kingdom Reigns!!!

Even when I struggle to see it. That truth remains. And HAS stood the test of time.

So my occasional struggling with worrying states more about my memory problem than God’s power. For the truth is not changed by my view. The truth remains. Untouchably True. Unchanging.

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Abnormal Us

Parts of a conversation have been running through my mind for days now. Isn’t it odd how the brain can process things sometimes? I’m not going to directly spell out the conversation topic in efforts to avoid any search engine wanderers. But nonetheless, a part of me just can’t seem to let this one go. Something is incomplete and it’s been bothering my brain.

I’m one of those people that wishes they had the right thing to say in “pop fly” conversations. I’m one that wishes they could conjure the right response, or at least the response that they truly feel and think. But it always seems to take me a bit longer than expected to conjure that depth.

A conversation ensued regarding intimacy between married couples. Through this conversation it was established early on from two viewpoints that intimacy is no longer shared between married couples but is more than permissible to be shared with many differing individuals. This concept progressed to the conclusion that it is better to have found your husband after being “experienced” and intimacy was reduced to a lustful act or behavior.

And I was offended and broken for these conclusions. See, when marriage is reduced to a mere by-product of a lust-filled life, it becomes meaningless. What is the point of marriage if uniting with others is a practice of normalcy, regardless of if it’s in the past or present? Why not just co-habit?

And when marriage is reduced to an option and intimacy is reduced to a mere normalcy with or without commitment attached, then what really is the point of “I do”?

I wish I could convey the sanctity of marriage that so many fail to witness. I wish I could convey the sanctity in intimacy, pure intimacy. I wish I could convey the reassurance that no one in this world has or will ever know me as deeply as my husband. And because he waited for 21 years, I am ever-so reassured that he has and will rely on God’s strength to keep him pure in our marriage. But there are no descriptors that deep. No words with such explanation.

… and I just sat there, stuck somewhere between being offended and brokenness for those who have cheated themselves out of true, pure intimacy …

what an awful exchange…

I looked down at my baby bump and thanked God for allowing Matt and I such a blessing…

…out of an “abnormal” marriage.
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To This Day…

With sore feet and back, I can testify that the wedding was a success… and it was beautiful.
I’ll be honest though, in agreeing whole-heartily to be Jes’ matron of honor I did not calculate in the whole extra exhaustion of pregnancy factor. And yes, that’s probably because at the time of saying yes we did not know nor were we planning to be expecting. But God gave me a supernatural strength when I most needed it – wedding day.

Sunday evening, after the church picnic, Matt and I put on PJs and pasted ourselves to the couch for many wonderful hours of sleeping (me), video game playing (Matt), and movie watching. It was a wonderful time of healing.

Here at work, today, I’m still feeling the lasting effects of a weekend well worth it. My eyelids became more heavy as noon approached. And this weak body longs for her soft blanket, noise-drowning-out fan, and firm mattress.

Congratulations Jes and Nayt. I think it all went beautifully. Now enjoy the honeymoon as “normal” begins to take shape again in your lives. I personally enjoyed most on our honeymoon the quiet times of just walking beside Matt and holding his hand. To this day, that seems to rank among the favorites. The feeling of “us”. Congratulations Jes and Nayt again that “us” is now very complete for you both.

And Matt, I love you. I love you so much. Thank you for all your hard work that you did behind-the-scenes for Jes and Nayt. You bless me as you serve others. Thank you.

And avocado baby, I love you too. It’s really amazing to me to watch God grow you up. And it floors me that just this upcoming winter (in 5.5 months) Matt and I may get our first chance to hold you in our arms. Oh, and Mommy thanks you for keeping down food this weekend (excluding Sunday). That was a really sweet gift of not barfing at your aunt’s wedding. I know she’s appreciative. – Enjoying the waiting for you. –

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Today’s Smile

The six-year-old patted my stomach lightly, “Fat belly.”
Under any other conditions this type of commentary might have merited a verbal slap,
But today I smiled.

“That’s my baby.”

– guess I might be starting to show. –

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We’re in.

We’re all moved in and almost completely unpacked (minus three office boxes that might get unpacked before the new year). Does it feel like home? no, but it’s getting close. I’m still in the shock of going from a 1 bedroom apartment to a 4 bedroom house with fireplace, 2 car garage and fenced in backyard. There’s also the oddity of this little room near the master bedroom with a pastel blanket on the door handle. It still floors my mind to think of a baby living in there come late December. But this beginning baby bump is starting to make it feel like just maybe I’m not pretending.

Tomorrow night’s Jes‘ bachelorette party and I really am so excited! I can’t wait to hang out with Jes and the girls. But tonight calls for much prep. But I must confess, I’m really looking forward to all the prep. It really has been quite a joyous process.

Thursday Matt and I head down to Cinci for the weekend. Rehearsal Thursday night, Friday wedding prep and family (extended and immediate) time, and Saturday’s the big day. It’s funny but being Matron of honor doesn’t feel quite as stressful as it once looked when I saw the whole picture. With all my mom’s help in wedding prep, I feel like she should be titled Matron of honor and me… just Matron of show-up and ride it out.

But either way, I’ll be posting later next week after all this joy is behind me and I can reminisce on it’s memory.

And come Saturday… welcome to the family, Nayt. We look forward to having you!

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