Last night’s doctor’s visit provided the following information:

• I’m 1cm dilated (will need to get to 3-4cm before hospital admittance) – hey, progress is progress.
• Doctor was concerned about my high blood pressure, which ironically went down during the visit (maybe sheer relief that the check was over), but asked me to come in on Friday to recheck before the weekend.
• Doctor is concerned that baby is “a big baby” and has scheduled an ultrasound for Friday at 2:30p to verify size and birth-ability. – which means we’ll get to find out for ‘certain’ baby’s gender among other statistics about baby. And my biggo stomach is “all baby” according to the doctor which is crazy to think when you see my stomach.
• There’s a chance that pending upon blood pressure counts and “big baby” status we’ll be having baby this weekend – after being admitted into the hospital upon the ultrasound. – But again, they may let me keep going if all is “normal for delivery.”

And then again there’s always the chance of having baby prior to Friday depending on how quickly I advance in dilation. So in other words, all this to say… the end is quite near. And we’re all excited here. =)

I got up this morning with intention of checking the weather report prior to popping into the shower. Our room felt a bit warm and I wanted to know if it was weather related or inferno within me related. Sat down at the computer, as usual, but this time the familiar pictures captured my 6am mind. I watched the honeymoon pictures interlocked with seasonal pictures, wedding pictures, California pictures, Cheddar pictures, and so many more memories. And a flood of joy filled me.

A few weeks ago Matt and I were out on a semi-routine walk. I was feeling whale-like and inactive, Matt finding joy in the joy I received from the walk (AKA he did not want to go, but went because it made me happy and therefore was happy because I was happy). We walked along sharing the day with each other and enjoying the random silences that we also shared with each other. Then Matt piped in, “So I’ve been thinking and I’d like for us to plan to go out to California. I want to meet your grandma and see the beach, and the church, and the places I’ve seen in the photos.” Could he have said ‘I love you’ any stronger? His heart just poured out in a few thoughtful sentences. And I must confess, that really meant the world to me that he wanted to meet my family more. “We’ll have to check where we are financially,” he went on “but I’m thinking if we plan far enough out then we could bring the baby to go meet your Grandma.”

Those words flew through my thoughts as I watched how far God has taken us. I was reminded of being nearly engaged to Matt during the last California trip. And the joy on our faces during the outside pictures after our ‘I do’s. We had no idea what we were getting into, and we still don’t, but I’ve never been more sure of forever in my best friend’s arms.

I can easily fall into a pattern of complaining and focusing on how much plans are not what I had imagined since I was a child regarding being a stay-at-home-mom instantly and all the other naive imaginings that will drift away as reality is born. And it’s in those complaining and incontent times that I really need someone to holler, “Are you serious?! Look what you have!!!”
Selfishness is such an easy trend. “I want it all, I want it all, I want it all and I want it now,” familiar commercial jingles about electronics and food come to mind. But God just caught me this morning before starting the normal routine of, “so this is life,” and reminded me of the blessing.

I have never felt such joy in life as I feel today. Each day that passes is a new day to be married to my best friend. And I can honestly say that I love him more today than on our wedding day. I mean seriously, who else is going to be there to sing Celine Dion songs in the car like Jr. High protegees at the top of our lungs because we are both comfortable enough with each other that we can be silly in front of each other? Who else can help set me straight when I’m way out in left field? Who else pursues me because he wants to know me more? Who else is there to make royal mistakes with, cry with and then later laugh about the mistakes with? No, my sweet friends, Matt is not perfect – and neither am I. But I really can’t put into words the absolute joy of being married to your best friend – morning breath and all. I am overjoyed with all that God has brought us – even the trials – and can’t wait for the joys that God will bestow upon us in the future.

A co-worker asked me last week if Matt was my first love. “You know, I guess he is because he really defines love in the most real way I have ever experienced. I honestly can’t say I experienced the depth of a true love prior to him.” And the only way he can do so much and be so much to me is because of how hard he tries to be like Jesus. Because I know that Matt does not complete me, he’s no where even close. But Jesus completes me and it’s Christ in him that floors me as well. Matt compliments me far greater than anyone will even compliment me – after all one we have become and no man can separate that. Oh but you should see that man on fire for Jesus. Who could not want to be married to him?
-No wonder I’m head over heels for him. –

Silently we sat on the couch soaking in the Sunday football game when the familiar voice broke the silence, “Start having contractions. Let’s get this baby.”

– we’re ready.-

Welp friends. I have dropped. Not the ball. But the baby. Breathing a bit better today, which is nice because I haven’t been able to experience the joys of dropping with this wonderful cold I’ve had for almost a week. The good thing is that the puking only lasted for one day (last Saturday), but I really have been missing my left nostril. It’s nice that it’s back for at least a visit today.

Christmas was wonderful. It was such a blessing to get to wake up at your own house and just stay there. That’s right, my wonderful family came to us this year – in light of current circumstances. It was nice to get the early afternoon to just hang out with Mom and Dad. Jes and Nayt showed up around 3 and we ate at 4pm. Overall, it was a really relaxing day of no-shoes, dog petting and laughing. Such wonderful memories. “Everywhere you turn there’s some kind of baby toy,” mom commented as she happened upon the newest set of baby bathtub toys given us by a sweet lady at church. Tis true, friends, Matt and I are baby-ready. Matt said in the car on the way home from a quick visit to his family last night, “We’re ready for the baby. Well, ready as not ready can be ready.” He’s got a point there. We’re as ready as unready can be!

Got to hold John last night at the in-law‘s as I watched the family open the gifts from Matt and me. John was crying in Matt’s arms. “John doesn’t like me,” he announced to the family. Matt handed him to me and he instantly calmed down. “That’s not even fair!” said Matt. “He knows she’s a mom,” piped in Ellen to relieve Matt’s conscience. I kinda felt bad. I didn’t do anything he wasn’t doing. John just got quiet for me. The poor little gass-y fellow was trying to “work it all out” last night. According to Ellen this is a daily occurrence for him. He and I enjoyed some good snuggle time on the couch. He’s a good snuggler that sweet little one. It was nice to have a snuggle friend after a long, but good day. – Looking forward to meeting our little one. –

I’m just taking a quick break here at work so I better get back to things here. I get to make up my own hours for today as I finish paperwork. So far I’m one of one here at the building, but afterall it’s 7:30am. I got here at 5:30am after waking up at 4:30am and feeling as rested as usual. I just headed on in with hopes of getting home around the time that Matt wakes up and just in time for lunch. With a quick after-lunch nap I’ll be good for the rest of the day. I thought this sounded like a good alternative to taking a vacation day that I could have otherwise taken when our baby chooses to bless us with their in-arms presence.

Alrighty, so have a good morning friends and I’m back to the “grind” here at the dead, but productive office. – Oooo, signs of life are heard down the hallway. –

You know, I just think it’s a bit funny how angle is everything. For example, compare the 9 month picture to the Christmas ones. Those pictures were taken on the same day, but it looks like the nine months picture contains much more baby. Again, angle is everything. And no one can really describe what the angle’s like looking downward at your own belly – especially as it forms differing shapes throughout the day. There’s the hour-glass figure, the straight pointing out, the best described as looking like a “butt” figure, the lopping to one side figure, the rounded figure and then the side-to-side figure. And it’s entertaining because sometimes I wonder if there are two in there by how much space appears to be occupied by two huge bumps. My brain gets baffled at what that second huge bump is when the doctors have declared the baby to be head-down for the past 3 weeks. Maybe it’s knees all crushed in there. That could explain some painful ribbed experiences. But anyway, the shapes are fun. And despite the discomfort, I do have to say that the unpredictability of the belly angle is quite fun too. Today this shirt looks like it fits, but in 20 minutes it looks like I’m cramming myself into the very shirt I plan on dressing baby in upon delivery. – Anyway, just finding small joys in the midst of this otherwise trying last countdown.

in front of our tree.

Dakota wanted some holiday cheer.

And let’s not forget her favorite toy!

“Can you get her to sit in front of you?”
“Of course, but not facing the camera.”

=)

A semi-Dakota -facing-the-camera pic.