For My Abi

It’s something in that startling reality. It hit me last year too. That here amidst the fuss of VBS, my baby has gotten older. I knew it would come. I’ve watched you stepping out, embracing your independence, and conquering your discoveries.

Two had to come. But there is still something bittersweet about that reality.

I wonder at who you will be with how far your little personality has grown in the last year. Your character blooms with each morning. Your stubborn little likes and vibrant joy. That smile that ignites a room and turns us all to mush. Those blond ringlets. Your sweet little baby-fat cheeks. Your dimple. How you look like a little Daddy – with meat on your bones. Oh, little Abi how you melt Mommy’s heart.

And the way you snuggle in close. And have those moments where only Mommy will do. When you first wake up from nap or sleeping through the night and you just want to sit with me – you come running to find me, many times fussing until you find me, just to sit. Just to breathe together with your head on my shoulder. Your little world is all right again. All is in order. Then after five to ten minutes you slowly slip off, announcing your desire to start your morning or afternoon. You just needed me. And how I love needing you in those moments too.

Abi your little brave heart – diving into the dirt, fully-alive… tasting, experiencing to the full. Your all-in bravery wells up within you until you just can’t contain it. It makes you run at full-force into the playroom, following the lead of your sister’s good idea. It makes you leave Mommy’s side all at once and dive into the paint with two hands. What once was anxiety is now completely acceptable and inviting. My little Abi… so full of life.

And your shy, quiet Abi moments, clinging to Mommy’s leg. A noise that was too much, an animal moving unexpectedly at the Zoo. I can hear it a mile away running down the hallway or across the room, “Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!!!” You find your safety and reassurance in my arms again. The trust causing your body to calm. The fear releasing as safety and calm creep in. You make me feel like such a hero sometimes, Abi. I don’t deserve that kind of love and trust.

And even those little spit-fire independence tantrums. Things not going according to plan. Love, the passion in your little soul welling forth. Such promise it holds with a little self-control. I remember my own zeal. Justice is a need – even if right now it’s selfishly driven. Keep that spunk, little one, even when it feels more like rebellion and Mommy has to teach you the hard lessons of self-control and “being stubborn about the right things.” Your heart and passion are such a beautiful thing to watch mature.

So tomorrow as we celebrate you, my dear Abi, even if Mommy has a little tear as the birthday slide show scrolls through your baby and young toddler pictures, please know:

Mommy loves you beyond words. Your beautifuls and your discipling moments. You hold a precious little place in my heart, my Abi…. my precious Abi. And it has truly been a privilege to hold your hand, snuggle you close, and let you go as I watch you grow into a little girl.

Baby… you’ll always be Mommy’s baby… no matter how many other ones come into our family. And I hope and pray and look forward to the day when I will get to call you more than Mommy’s baby, but also my sister in Christ, Lord willing. Oh my Abi, how much the Lord has blessed us and me personally when He added you to our little family. And He is blessing me and challenging me and teaching me and growing me through the joy and the delight of you, my Abi Grace.

– I love you.