The boys will be back in a half hour. Their visit is almost done and they’ll be dropped off by transportation. We drive and drop off. They bring home. It helps us since they scheduled the visits on the one day we requested to not.

The nights are long and I’m napless, despite hopes. The babies are so random at sleep and are many times keeping each other up.

And honestly, it is REALLY hard right now. I could stack a skyscraper high of one-block-at-a-time struggles. We’re all still adjusting to this new norm. Some better than others.

And while I have moments of just wanting things to go back to normal or at least find some consistent number of wake-up calls in the middle of the night from the two babies,

And while there are moments I am fed up with paying for someone else’s awful parenting choices,

And while there are moments I would love to sell my own kids on ebay,

I know that this is what God has for us right now. This is what He has asked of us.

This is the cup we are to drink and find delight in and splash onto his feet in tear-filled prayers.

And I just want to be honest that the sacrifice hurts many times. My pride and selfishness wants “me time” and the ability to accomplish getting 5 on a schedule to allow “just me” time.

I can complain and kick and pout as well as my two year old… if not better.

But at the end of the day, even the long days, I am still thanking God that He has given us the opportunity to love these boys.

In the good, the bad and the ugly.

God IS working this for His good.

This is the reality of our normal.