“Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.” – Philippians 4:11-13 (NASB)

You know sometimes I want the finality of it all. I want to arrive at the “I have learned” conclusion before putting in the time. I forget that for Paul to have spoken with such confidence that he is not speaking from want, he must have experienced speaking from want before. I forget that for him to state, through the Holy Spirit’s inspiration, that he has learned to be content, he must have known the antinome too.

It hit me as I ran beside my daughter. We were approaching her second-wind breaking point – that tension before her next burst of endurance. I had studied her face for the past half mile as the tension slowly built and I knew the challenge she was feeling. I remembered, all too well, the tension and pressure on your lungs, and that little stitch in your side that feels like it may swell to being unbearable. I remembered, all too well, how far your distance goal feels in that moment and how your mind lays out compelling evidence to stop.

(A curve along our normal running route.)

“This is your moment,” I told her. “You want the joy of the finish line, then it comes during this push right here. Once you get past this push, the finish line distance becomes a reality.”

Distress wiped from her face. Determination set in her eyebrows. She clenched her teeth, organized her steps and set her gaze. She would win this race. This race in her mind. And she did- even commenting afterward that she still had more left to give.

(The sun peeking over the trees in an early morning run.)

I want the “I have learned” so many times without the sacrifice to get there. I want the finish line without the work put in day after day to train up to my goal. I want the “I have arrived” without the stretch marks that prove that I can never go back to looking the same, evidence of having worked through that tension. Paul can’t say he knows how to get along if he didn’t wrestle through the “humble means”, “hunger” and “suffering need”. Oh, but I want to dance in the “prosperity”, “being filled” and “abundance” and just forget that the antinome exists.

But here when He calls me yet again to wrestle in the tension, here where He opens the door for reminders of sacrifices, here where I’m broken wide into the messy, here before the “I have learned”- this is where He has brought me. And here I can continue to chip away at each piece of the grand thesis statement. Here I can add another layer to the “I have learned” argument. And here I find that “I have learned” is indeed a lifestyle. Because His Strength has always been extended to me in my time of weakness.

Thanks be to God. He has always stood ready.

Distress is wiping from my face. Determination is setting in my eyebrows. I am clenching my teeth, organizing my steps and setting my gaze. I will win this race. In Christ, I will win this race in my mind.

“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.” – Romans 12:2 (NASB)

 

 “Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win. Everyone who competes in the games exercises self-control in all things. They then do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. Therefore I run in such a way, as not without aim; I box in such a way, as not beating the air; but I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that, after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified.” – 1 Corinthians 9:24-27 (NASB)