Author: monstauffer

Pure and Undefiled

“Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world.” James 1:27

 

I love this verse and I hate this verse.

This verse nails me to the floor every time.

My husband did a great, God inspired, job of preaching a sermon on this verse many months ago (maybe even a year ago now). It was one of those sermons I haven’t been able to shake from my head. One of those sermons that revisit me periodically to poke… and push… and chisel away at me, that I would look more like Christ.

I love this verse so much… and my flesh hates it so.

Widows, orphans. I want to make those the cute little people in Hallmark worlds, so far removed from us. Annie, the classic redheaded example of an orphan. And then pictures begin flashing through my head.

See, this verse uses these terms in their specific contexts of literal widows and orphans, but it also applies beyond the fatherless and the spouseless. It refers to the “least of these”. The filthy. The “left for dead”. The abandoned by society and the world. The hated. The devastated by culture and community. The utter and completely undesirable.

And it’s meditating on this verse that draws the pictures of those hostages in the brothels, and their captors. Those walking the shores half-naked after a tsunami. Those faces I have seen of children and families trapped in poverty all around the world. Those rendered useless because they are too disabled to hold a job. Those penned as mentally unstable, and therefore are wandering the streets.

And my flesh cries out, “I don’t want to go there!”

“I don’t want to sit down in the filth and the pain and the destruction! I don’t want to walk a mile with that burden I’m called to help carry.”

But then the Spirit within me reminds me of my own filth. My own utter desolation and destruction without Christ and even my own ugliness when I operate in my flesh while IN Christ.

The filthy rags of the orphan and the widow still smell putrid.  The hurts are still real. And deep. And there are still so many unanswerable questions. And sitting beside the girl on the brothel floor may not remove her from the brothel. But is Christ still Beautiful in a brothel?

“PURE and UNDEFILED religion”

Oh there are certainly times I wish God didn’t define work with widows and orphans as “pure and undefiled religion” and yet He has opened my eyes. He has given me His heart. Even though I so don’t deserve it.

See, religion is and can be pure and undefiled when I am not in it. When it’s not about me. When it’s all about Christ.

See, my flesh doesn’t want to “visit”, which in its context is not talking about a one-time affair but instead is referring to a “living with” or “traveling with” affair – a “walking alongside” and “carrying their burden” kind of visit. Yeah, my flesh doesn’t want to visit… so I have to leave it at the door to accomplish this command.

I am forced to shed my desires, my wants, my reservations, my discomforts and instead put fully on the robe of Christ. Maybe, just maybe that’s what Christ was referring to when He said “If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you…” (John 15:7). Maybe that’s what it means to let His Words abide in me. Let Him abide in us…

Oh that He would even stoop down and find me desirable – not in any way needed for His mission – but desirable to be a vessel of His unconditional love.

“Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world.” (James 1:27)

It nails me every time.

 

 

“I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.” Galatians 2:20

 

 

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Celebration at it’s Finest

After each and every accomplishment when writing letters that my dear three year old, Abi, makes in homeschooling (for example, writing each individual letter B on a sheet of 12 B’s) she lets out a deep, gutted yell, “BOOM BABY!” and high fives me.

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– Good to celebrate your accomplishments.

– So much personality for such a little body.

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Our Goodbyes

Today I packed up 11 months of little boys, uninstalled two carseats from our van load, and folded away the double stroller into storage. There’s still some work to be done tomorrow before our final goodbye after Big Guy returns from school, but it’s so weird to watch 11 months of adjustment, stress, tears, delights, triumphs in immunity advances, and investment be packed up as two little boys reunite with their family right in time for Christmas. Such mixed emotions from the adult world, but so proud of how far Mom has come. We’re working through the tenders of saying goodbye to our playmates whom have grown into our normal world. And while goodbye feels so quick, our hearts knew it was coming.

We let them go with prayers and full trust that the God who brought them here 11 months ago is more than capable of caring for them wherever they call “home”.

I guess it’s such an odd place to be to be relieved and thankful at the chance to minister beyond the walls of our home now that the kid to parent ratio no longer encumbers our every interaction. And the relief of not having to constantly balance twins, which, people, really drove me to a new level of myself in its more raw forms some days when it just felt like too much and I wanted a tag-in.

And yet I’ll miss the smiles. And the laughter. And the little quirks. I’ll be happy to say goodbye to some of the annoying habits, just like I’m thrilled when my own children grow out of them. And yet I know that while better, the boys’ lives will be quite challenging and that makes goodbye come with a little lump in my throat.

I’m nervous to see the things we worked so hard to teach and instill in them come unraveled as parenting styles, expectation and responsibility levels are changed. It’s odd because they were my boys once. And I want so badly for them to excel. I want so badly for them to be the delight of others as they were the delight of me. But I am grateful that Mom speaks of keeping up some kind of a relationship as their family reunites and heals.

There’s just so much in my adult brain.

So much to say goodbye to and “welcome back” to as both our families heal and regrow.

I’m just so thankful that God welcomes me to come and sit at His feet. I don’t need words. Or explanations. Or fixes. I can just come and render my heart to Him when I can’t find words. Once again, dear friends, He is more than enough. So much more than enough.

Jesus is more than enough, Big Guy and Little Man, we pray that truth will not come back void in your hearts.

Goodbye dear boys.

– Thankful, grateful and blessed, even in the hard.

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Without Apology

I am a strict Mom.

Without apology.

I lay out clear, age-appropriate expectations because I want you to know good and bad consequences follow your choices, learn appropriate boundaries and work out mastering self-control.

I require respect because I want you to understand the value in people.

When you do wrong, I explain your sins because I want you to first be concerned about your relationship with God, then learn to identify your sins so you can combat them through Christ.

When you do wrong, I explain how you can seek forgiveness because I want you to be able to let go of guilt and grow.

When you do right, I compliment you because I want you to take pride in doing the right thing.

When you do right, I point out how your good deed affected others because I want you to know the positive impact you can have on others’ lives. You can be such a wonderful example!

And regardless of your choice, I hold my arms out to you because I want you to know love that is not contingent upon behavior.

I am a strict Mom. Without apology.

I am not perfect. (I do find myself apologizing not for trying to teach you, but for my particular method of communicating the lesson sometimes. You are ALWAYS worth the lesson.)

But I strive to be intentional and consistent.

Because I know you’re watching. And my example is teaching you about Who God is and how He loves.

Discipline is out of love. A love that knows no boundaries, yet comes to where you are and says, “let me help you be the better version of yourself not for your own name, but for the glory of God”.

How in the world could I ever just leave you to yourself? To your own sinful guidance? To your own self-governing ways?

This Mommying is a process. (Thank You for Your grace, Lord.)

But I am a strict Mom.

Strictly out for your best.

Without apology.

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A Lull

Sorry for the lull in posts this week, we’ve been overcoming the stomach virus. And the stomach virus with 5 kids is rough. I am quite happy to report that thus far the stomach virus has managed to skip two kids (lucky Rachael and Lil Man) and skip my dear Matthew. Big Guy, Hannah, Abi and I, on the other hand, were not as blessed. 

 

But we are recovering and slowly returning back to normal. And for that I am thankful.

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Truth Friendship

I am so thankful for a friend who refuses to allow me to make excuses for immaturity in my walk with Christ. I am thankful for a friend who pushes me to move beyond the ample excuses I could easily use on why I don’t have time for the Word, or prayer, or ministry. I am thankful for a friend that is more concerned with the crown I throw at Jesus’ feet than the inconvenience of today’s dying to self. I am thankful for a friend that says hard truths, compelling me toward Christ, in full and complete love. I am thankful that she is so in love with Jesus that comfort in our walks with Christ bothers her. We should always be wanting more of Jesus and less of ourselves. I am thankful that she refuses to allow me, or her for that matter, to rob Jesus of His due glory for our temporary gain.

I am thankful that her heart is so hungry for God that injustice breaks her heart, “the least of these” draws her lifestyle worship, and complacency is completely unacceptable. And I am thankful for a dear friend who would be the first to step up in humility and say, “don’t follow my example, I am the first to mess it up. Just follow Jesus.”.

Jesus, how my heart needs You. Thank You that I can draw near to you through the reflection of Your light in my dear friend’s eyes.

I cannot thank You enough, Lord. She is such a frustration and a challenge and a spurring to me. Such an answered prayer! Thank You for pushing me to discontentment in my walk – not discontent with You, but discontent with me – the very me that needs to die that more of You would be seen. That I might be useful. And truly alive. For Your glory.

Lord, create in me a clean heart, that I may not sin against You. Open my eyes to the things unseen. Oh draw me, Lord. For all the glory and honor and praise are unto You forever and ever. Amen.

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