Calm Expectations

I have heard recently that my children are mellow. And I would like to explore the concept of a mellow child.

Many can attribute mellow to a child’s genetic disposition. Or is mellow an environmental creation? Or is mellow a sign of a child’s understanding of predictability – for if a child understands what is expected of them and what will come next then where is the nervous anxiety or concern?

I think my kids have a bit of all of these. Though I must note that my kids have their rambunctious moments too. But I am blessed to have learned early the value of being strict with your kids. Being strict does not mean lacking love, just being clear in expectation. This is hard to describe to a by-stander. It’s hard to explain to them that your child cannot have the juice because you already told her ‘no’ and giving in to her crying, no matter how pathetic or no matter how much your heart breaks and thinks about ‘just this time’, teaching consistency is a far greater skill. No, people, being a Nazi about life is not the answer either. Don’t think that my kids won’t ever get ice cream or enjoy the freedom of yelling at the top of their lungs during play. But yelling at the top of their lungs in the car is not going to cut it, Boundaries create predictability. Predictability creates stability. Stability creates a calm child.

I guess when it boils down to it I just don’t want to live in a constant state of chaos. I don’t want to live in chasing down a toddler because running through the parking lot is an option. Introverted me would explode without some quiet around the house – and quiet is a loose definition with 2 of your own kids and 1 you watch throughout the week.

I am blessed by a toddler that enjoys quiet play as well as noisy play. Our mornings here are pretty quiet, with Abi napping, and Rachael usually looking at books, silently pulling a pull-toy in the hallway, and spending some Mommy-time laughing at the jack-in-the-box’s flailing arms when you try to stuff him in. Rachael knows what to expect – each morning she’s asked to play quietly if she wants to be in the room while I put Abi to sleep, and she prefers to be with us. Then Rachael knows that Abi sleeping means that she needs to be quiet in the hallway, but can feel free to be loud and play in the living room or the playroom or the fireside room. But Rachael has learned the difference between playing loudly and playing recklessly. And I am sincerely thankful to God that my efforts to help Rachael with her self-control, by creating boundaries, have created a very well-mannered (though she odes have her moments) and responsive child. She’s still a toddler, people, and no I’m not the baby whisperer (that’s my father-in-law), but predictability and clear expectation go for MILES.

Abi, on the other hand, is a more entertainment driven child. Her nature is to desire you to entertain her, or a toy that has movement and entertainment over a quiet toy. Knowing this about her character, though, does not mean she is constantly entertained. She, too, is expected to provide her own entertainment while playing on the floor beside my laundry folding, etc. And while she is more fussy about it at times, she has come into the same ability to self-entertain with understanding of the expectation. Now seriously, people, she’s only 8 months old, I’m not asking her to self-entertain for 40 minutes, but age-appropriately I am asking her to self-entertain. And once she understands the expectation (though sometimes Abi is much more stubborn than my Rachael), she too finds enjoyment in the clear boundaries.

I love them for their differences, but the expectation has not changed. How I teach them the expectation is unique to the child, but I try hard to be as consistent with my expectation and keep my end-goal desire in mind. It’s not about control. It’s about wanting to enjoy the ride of life. It’s about wanting to make a home that is welcoming and comfortable for all. It’s about wanting to raise my kiddos to enjoy life and get the most from the moment while still learning the values of respect, and honor because of Jesus wanting us to respect and honor each other.

Please hear my heart here… I’m not bragging. God has RICHLY blessed me in the obedience and the approach to teaching self-control and obedience to my kids. And I have a LONG way to go in upbringing kiddos to honor Christ. God is constantly reshaping me and remolding me to honor Him more and more with my family. To God be all the glory for the successes of my little family. I just want to come to Him holding out my family and be able to say, “I tried hard to run after You with these kids. My offering is so insufficient but I give it to You.”

What are some ways you give your family to Jesus, no matter how big or small your family?

Unpredictable


If there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that life with a 2 year old and an 8 month old can be pretty unpredictable. Let me show you what I mean:

When she decided to pick her own seat at the snack table, I didn’t really know what I agreed to. =)

Sometimes smiles are inevitable.


A balloon can quickly become a best friend.


You never really know what she’ll show off from the dress up box.


She always looks like Daddy.
But in some moments she REALLY looks like Daddy. 😉

But no matter what may come, I’ll still be addicted to

that laughing smile


and those baby blues.

5 Months and Rainy Ramblings

Day 1

Month 5

Today Abi is 5 months old. That may not seem big to you in comparison to years of knowledge and skill, but for me it feels like a blink of an eye ago she was born and now she has five months under her belt. She’s a real baby now – no longer that tiny, fragile, fearful stage. She’s rolling over (all on her time schedule and not terribly predictable yet), playing with her voice, growing out of her baby car seat, sleeping 10 hours a night, standing in the bouncy-swing and running the world on the weekends. Maybe it’s just me, but all of a sudden she feels huge. She’s a little person and personality is blooming.

And thus I am thrown into the world of reflection; thinking of how wonderful her addition to our family has been. And how much has changed since college.

You know, it never ceases to amaze me to watch change unfold. Old college friends moving to different states, high school peers getting married and having families of their own… constant change.

And today I’m grateful to sit out on the front porch swing and sip some tea while watching the rain…

because who knows what tomorrow will bring.

… new life
… goodbyes
… more changes.

So today I’m going to swing and say my thank you’s to God. Thank you for my husband, my babies, my family, my friends, my little world….

How big this world can feel… while watching the rain fall and sipping my cup of tea.

The Girls and Reminders




Peaks and Valleys fill our lives here at the parsonage. Peaks of “we’re making it well with two kids,” and valleys of “are we going to make it through the next ten minutes?” It’s helped me ask for help more and admit my shortcomings more, which is not always that comfortable. (wink)

“The girls” Matt called them when explaining to his mom that he needed to get off the phone because we were out and about with “the girls.” The phrase brought back years of taking care of “the girls” moments passed between Mom and Dad on the phone. We were “the girls” in Daddy’s talk many a time. And now we have our own “the girls.” In that moment our family felt wonderfully complete or shall I say, well rounded. The girls…. we now really have two kids. Wow, we’re parents…. TWICE. In some moments that fact seems to age me by 10 years and in other moments that fact sees to label me irresponsible. Maybe I flirt on both sides. =)

Nothing like a good on-fire Christian to make you feel like a cold coal. But I am grateful for the reminders to continually seek the Source of Flame. Sometimes I find myself feeling like I’m doing nothing for the Kingdom when I witness old peers and younger adults say, selling all their stuff and moving to Africa (wink, wink to Theresa). It’s so easy to get caught up in the comparison game here until I begin to feel like Matt working at a Baptist church in Miamisburg is nothing compared to running off to the mission field. Maybe it’s part of my adventurous dreamer feeling antsy. Maybe I’m getting to “used to” church. Maybe Moses doesn’t feel like he’s coming back with the Ten commandments so I start building calves. God’s been using friends’ stories of devotion as little heart-checks for me. It’s nice to have your eyes opened and be spurred on… after the sting is behind you. =) But I am grateful of the reminder that this world is not my home, so don’t get too comfy here. Changing diapers is my lifestyle, but not my worth or my mission. How am I serving beyond the routines? Am I intentional? I’ve been chewing on those thoughts for a little while – they tend to be tough and lasting.

– Just sharing a little brain vomit with you all….

feel properly stained. (ewww, bad illustration.)

Take care, all.
=)

Arrival of a Tiny One



Abi’s here – all 8 lbs of her. She’s a long and tiny one weighing in at 8lbs 8.7oz and 22 inches long at birth (this is one of the few times in her life that it’ll be appropriate to ask about her weight. hehe). She is a sweet little blond haired, gray/blue eyed (like her Daddy) baby who has fit just wonderfully into our little family.

You know, it’s funny to hear of us being a “family of four” now. Marrying a husband who is the second of 7 children, having two kids doesn’t sound all that impressive (since we all know I live to impress others – HA). But looking at my side of the family, a family of four is the landing place for many of us. So being called a family of four feels like a big deal sometimes. This having two kids is where many people say, “all right, we’re done.” And there certainly are moments in my little world of being mom to two temporarily I-need-your-attention-right-now-in-this-moment-or-I’m-going-to-lose-all-control kids that make me understand why some people say “done” at two. Who knows what Matt and I have in our future regarding our family, this could be the “end of the road” regarding populating our household- or maybe it could be the start of a batch of 500 kids. Kidding.

All I know is that our little, or big in many eyes, family of four is so wonderful. I am finding myself blessed beyond anything I could have imagined to just hold my babies. Sure, according to “most of the planet” I’m out of my mind for having two children just under 18 months apart (until I introduce my neice and two nephews who are all in the same family and 3 y/o and under). But quite the contrary – Rachael and Abi will be a year apart in school and can you imagine how fun the older preschool years will be with dress-up play and outdoor sprinklers in the yard and family vacations? Oh it’s not to imply that my kids aren’t fun now, cause that’s not the case. It’s just so wonderful to think of the life that they have and will bring to the household as they grow up together. We are so blessed. So blessed.

Thanks God.

Our lil World

So as most of you have probably already discovered, we have learned as of Tuesday (Feb 2) that we are having another little girl. We are so thrilled. And her name is and will be Abi Grace. Anyone wondering where we got the spelling of Abi, it’s in 2Kings 18:2. The only thing we know about that Abi is that she was a daughter of Zechariah. But you know how I like to tweak names a bit to give a child individuality so Abi it is. No, she’s not Abigayle. Just Abi. Abi’s right on track for a due date of June 23rd (right around Grandpa’s [Matt’s Dad] b-day). By the way, Abi has come at a shocker to Matt’s side who was convinced that Abi was going to follow the typical second and third child are boys trend. but Abi has fallen right in line with my side’s endless girls trend. Only my side of the family was also convinced that I was carrying a boy. I love the surprises!

And it’s funny, but now that we know more about Abi, she has become more alive in my mind and in our home. The nesting period has already started to kick in. Don’t worry, folks, I have control of this. I added sunshines to the nursery curtain ends that I found in the back of the craft drawer and painted to satisfaction. And you better believe that my mind is already on fire with all kinds of fun thoughts about welcoming Abi to our family. I wonder what she will be like, and yet am enjoying the normalcy of our lives prior to her entrance.

Upward basketball is going well. It’s fun being an assistant coach to my husband. And it even more fun to watch Matt’s child-like side and teacher-side come out through the ministry. We love our little team to death. All 6 of them. =)

I’ve found much enjoyment in the routines of the day. Funny how dishes aren’t so bad sometimes. And there’s the perks of visiting with Ellen and “the cousins” at various locations once per week. it’s fun to watch Rachael come alive in their presence. Rachael just loves John, her cousin who’s 3 weeks older than her. And it’s fun to herd them all with Ellen. Today we’re heading out to Ellen’s. She’s acquired two more kiddos today so I’m taking Lexi (the 5 y/o I watch in the afternoons) and Rachael on over for an afternoon of playing with the other 4 kiddos. Look forward to the fun amidst the chaos.

Got some great pointers from a friend about shopping smarter and utilizing the tools out there. Looking forward to revamping the grocery list and how we do grocery shopping to be better with the finances we have been given. Funny how domestically fun it can be. Matt and I stayed up late last night in bed talking all about… groceries. Hehe. Gotta laugh at being an adult sometimes. It was a great planning conversation – and you know how I eat up planning.

But alas, Rachael’s waiting sleepily for her bath before morning nap, so I better get going.

Hope all is well with you.

Thanks for reading.

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