Every time I hear the word I think of a dollar sign: Good Stewardship. Growing up I always thought this had to do with your tithes and offerings and making sure you were a good steward of your money – AKA giving your money to the church and generally not being selfish when the offering plate rolls around. It’s like somewhere on the plate there was the engraving, “A good Christian gives abundantly because ‘it all belongs to God.”

How many times have you heard that phrase, “It all belongs to God.” I can recall primarily hearing that phrase from those wanting to borrow money after spending their own on a new pair of shoes for themselves. Or there was that one time that I remember hearing that phrase roll off the tongue of a young mom as she overwhelmed her kids with loads of Christmas presents and filled 1 or 2 Operation Christmas Child shoes boxes. It all belongs to God…. is my life proving that?

Good stewardship.

I’ve been reading a lot lately (condolences to my sister who read 58 chapter books in a contest and failed to win the Nook prize). I’ve been doing some studying, as mentioned before, and generally filling my post-kid-bedtime time with some 10+ books while watching Matt’s new football video game out of the corner of my eye. The themes are running together. The suggestions good, but a bit overwhelming at times. And the tones of the books range from “grab your torch and pitch-forks!” to “homeschooling is a preference.” But one theme, sadly, has only arrived in one of the 10 homeschooling books I read( even though a good handful of them were “Christian” in nature) : Good Stewardship.

It’s not the “Go Green because we’re running out” good stewardship, but the “be thankful for what God has given you – cuz it’s not yours” good stewardship. Yet it didn’t stop there…

What about our time? We like to call it God’s, but have we sat down and realised what we are communicating through our time?

What am I saying to Rachael through the time I spend Online verses the time she sees me doing house chores? (My husband’s too nice to say an amen to that statement.) What am I communicating to my mom and Rachael and Abi when they see the green pool water out the window because I haven’t made time to get to it yet? What about our overgrown weeds in the front flowerbeds? How about the wrinkled laundry? How about when we spend all day running around doing errands and we don’t have time to play together? Now I’m not saying I’m a crazy slob who doesn’t do house chores, but I am saying there is much to be said in how you spend your time.

This is not some big guilt trip. This is evaluation.

What am I communicating to God about how I value what He has given me?

What do I feel I deserve?
Should I feel I deserve things?

Matt and I spent some date night time together last night. It was nice to do something one-on-one that wasn’t an adoption class. We’ve been trying not to stress out our family by leaving the kids with sitters 3 nights per week between the adoption classes and Wednesday church so we took a mild break from date nights and included the girls in our date nights for the past few weeks. We will be done with 2 per week adoption classes this week, but the value of knocking them out before Matt’s schooling begins and between vacations was deemed higher than date nights. (Don’t judge me, we exchanged adoption classes spent together for date night for 3 weeks. lol)

So last night we were talking about life and getting back on the same page and sipping couponed smoothies – mmmmmmmm. And we just talked about life and training up our kids in righteousness and serving the Lord and how it matters what we do to convey Jesus to our kids and whatever future kids God may add to our family. It was nice. Reaffirming. And right.

I think God is pleased with what we communicated through that use of our time.

And while we have more time and resources and actions and service to constantly be in evaluation of, it’s not for the sake of being a super-Christian. It’s for the sake of communicating clearly and deliberately that we are grateful and blessed and appreciative of God’s provision, through time, finances, children, blessings. And we have been entrusted 2 children, thus far, to train in righteousness – that Christ would be exalted louder from under this roof.

Funny how when you think about teaching a child, God schools you.

Thank you, Jesus.

“Hi, I’m Monica Stauffer and I have an addiction.”

I’ve never been to an AA meeting, and honestly have never drank (at all), but I’d imagine myself to stand up and admit this to an equivalent “Parenting Addiction” meeting. My addiction? You may wonder – it’s being strict.

Now before you pull out the tyrant flag to fly in my front yard, let me take a brief moment to explain: (brief? is anything done briefly on this site? – HA!)

I believe kids need firm boundaries. (I know, I’m broken.) I believe love comes in sacrificing now to gain later from their obedience. I am not willing to use excuses, even good ones, about my kids being too young to discipline. I’m not talking punishment, I’m talking training my children in the way I want them to behave. I am old-school when it comes to being strict. There is an honest part of me that does not want to put myself into the position of being the Mother of a tantruming child who has never heard “no” until the grocery store. But I will be stubborn enough to refuse to reward a tantrum – REGARDLESS of if I would rather no one label me a tyrant. I am seeking obedience, not for the sake of obedience, but as an example of Rachael and Abi’s love for me. Even at a young age, I think it’s attainable for Rachael to obey – not perfection – but at least be able to tell you why I want her to listen to me. Again, I don’t expect perfection, but I do expect obedience and consequence comes from disobedience. My expectations are clear and I try my hardest to be consistent. And I really want people to enjoy being with my kids as much as I do.

Downfall to being strict?

I begin to wonder if pattern obedience can come from any other method. I run the risk of believing strictness is the only way to raise a child – or the only worthy way? (don’t judge me – hehe) I don’t enjoy being around “out of control” kids because I have worked so hard to teach my children self-control. And this is hard because I am not some superior Mom. I’m really just trying to figure this out. But I am goal-focused in my interactions with my kids. And since my goal is not to be a tyrant and not to cater to chaos or selfishness there is a constant evaluation and re-evaluation of my parenting. Parenting is a balance. Only one of the problems that I am encountering is that being a strict Mom is going out of style in my generation. We seem to have exchanged good parenting with Lysol wipes. Now, I’m not hating on Lysol wipes, just hating on raising kids in a sanitation bubble. It’s as if protecting my child from all germs equals good parenting. Daycares and schools can teach my kids respect. Or they are too young to learn how to treat people because “kids will be kids” when it comes to picking on siblings (AKA disrespecting siblings).

I really have moments of struggling, if I’ll be honest. Struggling to not take it personally that I look “too strict” at times. And struggling to not get frustrated when my kid’s obedience is labeled as “good natured” instead of the hours of hard work I have put into whipping them into shape (not literally, people).

I, like any other Mom, seek to compare my kids – not in a bad way. Are they doing ok? Is my parenting working? Are these kids really “off the chain” and I’m not aware of it? Am I being too strict? Only most examples that I am seeing are those “clear out, they’re here” kind of kids that you hope don’t hurt your kids at the mall. (hehe). Or those “how old is that kid and still sucking a pacifier” kids at the grocery. Maybe I’m a product of a small church. After all, my kids are 2/3 of the nursery population on a regular basis – and that’s spanning 2 nurseries, people.

I just struggle to believe that lose boundaries really can produce “good” kids. Maybe that’s because it feels like the “easy road” to parenting and it’s hard to justify that the easy road works when I’m over here busting my butt.

It’s times like these and questions like these that make me “just want my Mommy.” Makes me want to run away from critical parenting world and “be Amish”, segregated and doing your own thing with those who think like you (no these aren’t my only beliefs about Amish people, just roll with the analogy people- wink, wink).

Parenting is personal. My kids are a reflection of me. And I don’t know anyone that pours their whole self into something and then hopes it gets shot down.

I am so blessed to have a husband who supports me – even when I have “too strict” moments. He doesn’t call me out in front of the kids, challenging my authority, instead he waits and talks to me about it when the kids aren’t in earshot. He allows me to learn and grow and loves me through my insecurities in parenting. I am blessed. I am well aware. We are a team and I do not cast off the utter gratitude I have for the blessing of my husband. Thank You, Jesus, for my Matt. 

I just have real parenting thoughts – wanting to honor God the best in my raising of HIS kids. Not for a pat on the back from enablers (though kind words are reassuring), but for the glory of God. I want God’s Name to get the fame for the way my kids treat people. I want God’s Name to be desirable by testimony of the way my kids reflect my love through obedience. Christ Himself stated that obedience is a public display of our love for Him. While I am FAR less than Christ to my kids (oh the failures), I do know that the more Rachael and Abi want to please me the more they will obey. And Rachael and Abi will want to please me if they love me and feel my love in a very real way. They will have their fall-out moments of “For serious? Did you just do that?” I do not expect perfection, but I do expect them to want to obey me because they know I reward obedience. My unconditional love for them is not contingent upon their obedience, but my reward (not just tangible) is attached to their obedience.

I am proud of my girls. They are “good girls.” They fail the perfection test (show me on person who doesn’t!) and their eyes speak of the confidence they have in my unconditional love. AND their obedience is not their “good nature”, sure it is their blessed temperament from God mixed with years (“year” in Abi’s case) of hard work.  I’m no hero of a Mom (HA!), but I want people to want to be around my kids – even when I’m not there to keep them in line- because they are more than just moral beings, but because they healthily seek to please you through their respect and obedience (as that manifests itself through a 2.5y/o and a 1y/o).

– just thinking and struggling and evaluating my parenting policy while thanking God.