You know more than once I’ve been accused of over-thinking. Who me (ahem)? But it is true. I confess to be a professional over-thinker. Life matters. Think much. Act smart. And I guess then I can never be accused of thinking too little. Instead you can slap the label of “thinking too late” on me. hehe.

So I’ve been thinking about parenting and Matt and I agreed on a car ride the other day that one important rule in parenting to teach to your children is that “What Mommy and Daddy says is law.” There is expectation and consequence in Mommy and Daddy’s words. It is not acceptable to trudge on without acknowledging that Mommy or Daddy has said, “no,” and don’t mess around in the realm of obedience expectation.

There’s a difference in forced and choice obedience. I don’t want our kids to obey because they have to, but because they want to please us. And yet in some instances, I’ll just take the obedience, regardless of the willingness displayed behind it. We’re not running a boot camp, here, but there are certainly clear expectations of quick responsiveness.

Rachael, bless her little heart (Southern slang for “Are you serious?”), has her moments of testing the law. No, people, she’s no felon at 2 and a 1/2, but she certainly feels the need to make a few waves sometimes. Yet I am reminded that while children have an amazing ability to remind you of the Fall out (reference: Genesis), their value should never be questioned in their minds (nor yours for that matter). It is not a matter of convincing myself that Rachael is an angel (an often misused and personally unfavored term) and always means no harm – have you seen that kid’s eyes, she’s not innocent. But she is and will always be invaluable in our eyes. Children are a blessing. I couldn’t agree more. And yet that blessing does not mean that in some moments she isn’t downright awful. =)

We’ve all been around the “seriously, do their parents set any boundaries?” kids before. The ones pushing their siblings down repetitively, whining uncontrollably, and the ones that cast off their parents’ direction as quickly as you flip channels on a “nothing’s on” night. And we’ve all been around the “do you even like your kids?” parents who seem to make it a personal goal to create and win a power struggle in every conversation with their child. Those poor “can I do anything right?” kids. So obviously this valuing while creating healthy boundaries balance is just that – a balance.

Now I’ve had my share of “hope no one’s taking notes” parenting embarrassments before; serving the baby steaming hot soup, handing the toddler a lollipop to make her shut up… we all have those head-smacking “please don’t model your parenting style on this moment” experiences… and I’m sure I’ll have more too, cuz perfection won’t happen until the new Jerusalem. But operating on a “just this once” parenting style with each passing circumstance won’t get the job done. Or let’s put it this way, in my experience I have seen it create a lot of ungrateful, selfish, unthoughtful kids that cycle through babysitters faster than a 6th grade dance attracts wallflowers.

Why am I blogging about this? I don’t know. Just thought it something to think about in my over-thinking ways.

Question of the day: How can you make your child feel valued while still setting healthy boundaries?

Every child is different, but the healthy boundaries are the same.

I read an article in a Christian Parenting magazine the other day while waiting to pick up the Kindergartner I watch after school. The article title? Getting over Guilt. Beyond the sheer entertainment of the author’s self-portrait of standing with baby on hip and her hand to her head with an “I blew it expression”, I found it interesting as the author spoke of sending her guilty situation through “the Three G Test”.

G #1: Gifts. Guilt gives you the opportunity to re-evaluate what is and is not on your list of gifts. Ex. Some people rock it up at baking – I do NOT! Therefore, instead of feeling guilty that I didn’t think of bringing in a piping hot plate of cookies for the next youth group function, I can default to something I am gifted at and serve the youth in another way. End result? The youth get served. AKA Success!

G #2: Growth. Guilt can spur you on to growth. Ex. You stink at doing the laundry so you feel guilty for being selfish all the time and avoiding the laundry resulting in doing the laundry to avoid feeling guilty. (You know, just pulling a situation out of mid air here – cough.) Voila! – productive guilt. But I really likes this statement from the article: “While I am not a naturally ‘gifted’ homemaker, I cannot use that as an excuse to let my home become a sty. And while I am no more gifted in the area of ‘child management’ than I am in home management, that cannot be an excuse to let my kids rule the roost.” So true. So true. A stinger and so true.

G #3: Grace. You’ll never be good at everything and guilt is inevitable when you fail so you are super blessed to have God’s grace in the whole teaching process. God continually offers grace in your efforts and your failures. And you cannot experience grace without first experiencing guilt. AKA, I’m not thankful for the undeserved gift of grace if I still feel like I could have done it on my own.

I just thought this article was neat and helpful in terms of motherly guilt. And so in those next guilty moments, instead of standing there and feeling sorry for myself, I’m going to try to think about the three G test. Was it even a gift of mine that I was trying to accomplish or was it a greener grass on the other side of the fence moment? Am I using my guilt as a crutch or growing through the guilt? And is this guilt another opportunity to acknowledge God’s grace during my mistakes?

– Just a few guilty thoughts. =)