Category: being a mom

Calm Expectations

I have heard recently that my children are mellow. And I would like to explore the concept of a mellow child.

Many can attribute mellow to a child’s genetic disposition. Or is mellow an environmental creation? Or is mellow a sign of a child’s understanding of predictability – for if a child understands what is expected of them and what will come next then where is the nervous anxiety or concern?

I think my kids have a bit of all of these. Though I must note that my kids have their rambunctious moments too. But I am blessed to have learned early the value of being strict with your kids. Being strict does not mean lacking love, just being clear in expectation. This is hard to describe to a by-stander. It’s hard to explain to them that your child cannot have the juice because you already told her ‘no’ and giving in to her crying, no matter how pathetic or no matter how much your heart breaks and thinks about ‘just this time’, teaching consistency is a far greater skill. No, people, being a Nazi about life is not the answer either. Don’t think that my kids won’t ever get ice cream or enjoy the freedom of yelling at the top of their lungs during play. But yelling at the top of their lungs in the car is not going to cut it, Boundaries create predictability. Predictability creates stability. Stability creates a calm child.

I guess when it boils down to it I just don’t want to live in a constant state of chaos. I don’t want to live in chasing down a toddler because running through the parking lot is an option. Introverted me would explode without some quiet around the house – and quiet is a loose definition with 2 of your own kids and 1 you watch throughout the week.

I am blessed by a toddler that enjoys quiet play as well as noisy play. Our mornings here are pretty quiet, with Abi napping, and Rachael usually looking at books, silently pulling a pull-toy in the hallway, and spending some Mommy-time laughing at the jack-in-the-box’s flailing arms when you try to stuff him in. Rachael knows what to expect – each morning she’s asked to play quietly if she wants to be in the room while I put Abi to sleep, and she prefers to be with us. Then Rachael knows that Abi sleeping means that she needs to be quiet in the hallway, but can feel free to be loud and play in the living room or the playroom or the fireside room. But Rachael has learned the difference between playing loudly and playing recklessly. And I am sincerely thankful to God that my efforts to help Rachael with her self-control, by creating boundaries, have created a very well-mannered (though she odes have her moments) and responsive child. She’s still a toddler, people, and no I’m not the baby whisperer (that’s my father-in-law), but predictability and clear expectation go for MILES.

Abi, on the other hand, is a more entertainment driven child. Her nature is to desire you to entertain her, or a toy that has movement and entertainment over a quiet toy. Knowing this about her character, though, does not mean she is constantly entertained. She, too, is expected to provide her own entertainment while playing on the floor beside my laundry folding, etc. And while she is more fussy about it at times, she has come into the same ability to self-entertain with understanding of the expectation. Now seriously, people, she’s only 8 months old, I’m not asking her to self-entertain for 40 minutes, but age-appropriately I am asking her to self-entertain. And once she understands the expectation (though sometimes Abi is much more stubborn than my Rachael), she too finds enjoyment in the clear boundaries.

I love them for their differences, but the expectation has not changed. How I teach them the expectation is unique to the child, but I try hard to be as consistent with my expectation and keep my end-goal desire in mind. It’s not about control. It’s about wanting to enjoy the ride of life. It’s about wanting to make a home that is welcoming and comfortable for all. It’s about wanting to raise my kiddos to enjoy life and get the most from the moment while still learning the values of respect, and honor because of Jesus wanting us to respect and honor each other.

Please hear my heart here… I’m not bragging. God has RICHLY blessed me in the obedience and the approach to teaching self-control and obedience to my kids. And I have a LONG way to go in upbringing kiddos to honor Christ. God is constantly reshaping me and remolding me to honor Him more and more with my family. To God be all the glory for the successes of my little family. I just want to come to Him holding out my family and be able to say, “I tried hard to run after You with these kids. My offering is so insufficient but I give it to You.”

What are some ways you give your family to Jesus, no matter how big or small your family?

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The Power of ‘No’

The predictable utterance of any toddler. The half-hearted response written across any teenager’s face at their parent’s exciting vacation plans. The programmed response of any adolescent when offered an “uncool” option. Yes, friends. I’m talking about the word, “NO.”

Such a small word with great power.

I’ve found that this word may not produce immediate smiles or high fives, but sometimes it’s the best response of honesty available.

God’s been teaching me a lot lately. As I type that sentence I wonder at the marvel that He would still teach me and take time to walk this road with me even as I stumble along in my toddling for truth moments.

“Where is your ministry?” is often thrown around in the Christian church.
“My ministry.”
“I just can’t find a place to serve.”

Pastor’s wives (and church staff wives), I have found, are either expected to run everything – the church MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group, Jr. High girl’s bible study, vacation bible school kindergarten 2 class, and raise 5 babies – 2 from Africa- while keeping the house cleaned and dinner on the table at 5pm. Or there’s the “does our Pastor have a wife?” staff wife that lives in her house and tries to keep from attending prayer meeting in her bathrobe.

Sure there are those staff wives that are able to find the beauty in balancing their crazy kids (who’s kids aren’t crazy), bake brownies for the next church social, and stick to only teaching their 3rd grade Sunday School class. But while we all aspire to be them we have our wonderful moments of feeling the fluctuating from the overbooked to the hermit.

And while my brain and heart digests the unspoken, yet felt, expectations or, for a kinder word, “desires” of a church Body on the Pastor’s wife/staff wife I find God walking in with a whole new life motto.

“Just say ‘no’.”

What God? Come again?

At some stages of life God is revealing to me that He just wants me here; folding the laundry while singing praises, picking up the talking hamster pet toy for the umpteenth time, changing one more diaper, and serving my husband where I am.

You know, maybe I create too much pressure on myself. Or maybe I am just trying to serve where I have in the past. But I am learning that sometimes the best thing I can do and the best glorifier of Jesus that I can be is the wife that: makes Godly goals with her family, gets up with the baby and rocks that new tooth out of hiding, prays for her husband and listens to his heart, tries to come up with new ways to surprise her husband with an ‘I love you’ note, joins in toddler dances with flailing arms and no reservation to ‘old school’ Sunday School songs, and prays ‘thank yous’ to Jesus for His marvelous works while scraping food off the dishes.

Matt has a lot on his shoulders and He needs to unload on His Savior. But am I ushering Him into the presence of God? Or am I heaping more onto the load because I failed to say ‘no’?

Someone will always ask me to do more. And I hope they never stop asking because it gives me opportunities to run to Jesus and say, “What about now? Did You want me to do this?” But there’s no shame in saying, “I agree. That ministry direction sounds great and is just what our church needs. I’ll pray for more workers alongside you and let you know if God is calling me to add more than prayer.”

He’s given me so much to be thankful for. And while I’m not to be self-serving and not to seek out the easiest road. I am reminded again and again that I will be standing at the throne of God in judgment (not Heaven or Hell. That question is sealed already.) . And though I will always have “I wish I would have done better” on my lips (if I can even talk), I want to say that I tried hard to serve and serve with my family. I want to say, I received your ministry in my life and ran hard.

So today I woke up stretching (and yawning) as my ministry awoke me over the baby monitor. My ministry filled the kitchen sink and sat by the washer. My ministry woke up for another dry morning and toddled to her little potty. And I kissed my ministry as he headed out the door for the office. And now I’m about to go clean out my ministry’s dirty littler box and then rescue my ministry from her torturous napping crib. Tomorrow, if the weather’s nice, my ministry could be sitting on the park bench watching her kids play too or standing on the side of the road asking for a hand-out.

Thank you, Lord, for the ministry you have given me.

Please continue to help me grow and mature more in serving my ministry as you expand and develop it.

I’m reminded of the praise Chorus:

Where you lead me, Lord, I will follow…
Where you lead me, Lord, I will go…

-to God be the glory.

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The Girls and Reminders




Peaks and Valleys fill our lives here at the parsonage. Peaks of “we’re making it well with two kids,” and valleys of “are we going to make it through the next ten minutes?” It’s helped me ask for help more and admit my shortcomings more, which is not always that comfortable. (wink)

“The girls” Matt called them when explaining to his mom that he needed to get off the phone because we were out and about with “the girls.” The phrase brought back years of taking care of “the girls” moments passed between Mom and Dad on the phone. We were “the girls” in Daddy’s talk many a time. And now we have our own “the girls.” In that moment our family felt wonderfully complete or shall I say, well rounded. The girls…. we now really have two kids. Wow, we’re parents…. TWICE. In some moments that fact seems to age me by 10 years and in other moments that fact sees to label me irresponsible. Maybe I flirt on both sides. =)

Nothing like a good on-fire Christian to make you feel like a cold coal. But I am grateful for the reminders to continually seek the Source of Flame. Sometimes I find myself feeling like I’m doing nothing for the Kingdom when I witness old peers and younger adults say, selling all their stuff and moving to Africa (wink, wink to Theresa). It’s so easy to get caught up in the comparison game here until I begin to feel like Matt working at a Baptist church in Miamisburg is nothing compared to running off to the mission field. Maybe it’s part of my adventurous dreamer feeling antsy. Maybe I’m getting to “used to” church. Maybe Moses doesn’t feel like he’s coming back with the Ten commandments so I start building calves. God’s been using friends’ stories of devotion as little heart-checks for me. It’s nice to have your eyes opened and be spurred on… after the sting is behind you. =) But I am grateful of the reminder that this world is not my home, so don’t get too comfy here. Changing diapers is my lifestyle, but not my worth or my mission. How am I serving beyond the routines? Am I intentional? I’ve been chewing on those thoughts for a little while – they tend to be tough and lasting.

– Just sharing a little brain vomit with you all….

feel properly stained. (ewww, bad illustration.)

Take care, all.
=)

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Arrival of a Tiny One



Abi’s here – all 8 lbs of her. She’s a long and tiny one weighing in at 8lbs 8.7oz and 22 inches long at birth (this is one of the few times in her life that it’ll be appropriate to ask about her weight. hehe). She is a sweet little blond haired, gray/blue eyed (like her Daddy) baby who has fit just wonderfully into our little family.

You know, it’s funny to hear of us being a “family of four” now. Marrying a husband who is the second of 7 children, having two kids doesn’t sound all that impressive (since we all know I live to impress others – HA). But looking at my side of the family, a family of four is the landing place for many of us. So being called a family of four feels like a big deal sometimes. This having two kids is where many people say, “all right, we’re done.” And there certainly are moments in my little world of being mom to two temporarily I-need-your-attention-right-now-in-this-moment-or-I’m-going-to-lose-all-control kids that make me understand why some people say “done” at two. Who knows what Matt and I have in our future regarding our family, this could be the “end of the road” regarding populating our household- or maybe it could be the start of a batch of 500 kids. Kidding.

All I know is that our little, or big in many eyes, family of four is so wonderful. I am finding myself blessed beyond anything I could have imagined to just hold my babies. Sure, according to “most of the planet” I’m out of my mind for having two children just under 18 months apart (until I introduce my neice and two nephews who are all in the same family and 3 y/o and under). But quite the contrary – Rachael and Abi will be a year apart in school and can you imagine how fun the older preschool years will be with dress-up play and outdoor sprinklers in the yard and family vacations? Oh it’s not to imply that my kids aren’t fun now, cause that’s not the case. It’s just so wonderful to think of the life that they have and will bring to the household as they grow up together. We are so blessed. So blessed.

Thanks God.

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Exchanging Browns

I awoke to her moans on the monitor. She was an hour and half early. “She’ll put herself back to sleep,” I thought. Twenty minutes later she was fussing off and on. Only later did I discover the culprit of her early start to the day – a new tooth. But my body reluctantly led itself through the dark hallway to her room. “I just want to check on her,” I reassured Matt. I crept into her room. After a minute she sensed my presence, immediately stood up and flung her arms at me. I picked her up. Who could have resisted? She motioned for blankey with a grunt. So Rachael, blankey, and I traveled back to the ever-so-desired reward of Mommy and Daddy’s bed. After laying there a few minutes I opened my eyes to discover her browns studying my face. We exchanged browns for browns for a moment as she rubbed the sleep indicator part on her right ear. I thought in that instance, “What in the world makes me this privileged to be her Mother? What did I do to earn her complete comfort and trust?” I felt her inhales and exhales with ease. An unspeakable thankfulness flooded from my heart to my Maker. I flashed her a smile. I could see her smile lines twitch around her pacifier. And then she leaned in and rubbed her forehead on my face. And there she chose to remain until her forehead slipped to my lips and she nuzzled in closer.

What in the world did I do to deserve this unconditional love?

Nothing.

And yet still what a cherished moment…

I have been given.

– Thank You, thank You. –

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Language

“A da” has various meanings to a 10 month old. If we’re in the car it means she’s talking to her feet. If the radio’s on, it’s singing and much more of a drawn out “a daaaaaaa.” If it comes rapid fire it means Matt. If it’s during play it means happiness. If she says it while on the bed looking over the edge it means “Dakota.” Im not one of those Mothers who claims to have a genius (she’s picking dog hair off the carpet and eating it), but I am enjoying her developing language.

I love the variety that pours out of a simple phrase. Ah the joy of a baby – a baby who’s chewing on Dakota’s Kong as I write this.

=)

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