Category: being a stay-at-home mom

Blankey

I love the way she loves on her blanket; kneading at him, stroking the soft satin beside her face as she rubs her eyes.

It happens the same every time, a little rocking for a minute or two, a kiss on the forehead, laying her down, her turning to the left as she rubs her eyes and loves on that blanket.

Sometimes she reaches her hand out for me to pet her head a little, beckoning me to help her settle in for a few minutes. And when she’s done with the petting, after only a short time, she turns to the left, rubbing her face into her dear friend’s soft love.

She wasn’t always a blanket baby. Blankey came in after he came.

She had figured out how to put herself to sleep. And sleep hard. For seven to eight hours straight hard.

And then the phonecall. And then the addition of our little crier.

He’s gotten better now. He’s sleeping four hour chunks now.

And then she got worse.

Conditioned to wake up. Conditioned to need more. Conditioned to be overly tired.

And then came blankey. He was added in at first when snuggling Mommy. He had been a nice addition to the top of the diaper bag. You never know when the wind will pick up and you’ll need a shield. Or a room will be a bit too cold for Ms. “Running Cold” baby girl.

But he took on new meaning. Joining us during mealtimes. Snuggling in amidst the comfort. And then he joined in at play time. Peek-a-boo was so fun! And he started to taste good.

Then came his normalcy at night time. Until we find ourselves today with our beloved friend.

And while there are still many times of unworking the effects of her adjustment to Little Man’s sleep interruptions, blankey has become a constant. An expected. And a friend amidst the nightly changes and adjustments.

And I love the way she loves on him. Snuggling into her dear friend.

And I am thankful… so thankful.

She loves him.

And I love my little Linus.

Image

P.S. Don’t be worried, she has her pacifier in and plenty of air circulation in there. I check. 😉

2

Open Letter

To the Table of Moms sitting beside ours at the children’s museum,

First of all, congratulations on expecting your second children in the household. The thrill of a miracle growing inside of you is indescribable, even in those last few months of “bumping into everything”. And your toddlers may not have any idea what’s coming, but they’ll learn to enjoy the company of another little smiler.

But even in your excitement my heart breaks for you both. I saw your glances and while it would be easy to brush you off as judgemental, my heart is really saddened.

Yes, Big Guy spilled his cup of juice because he wasn’t paying attention. He’s only been to a children’s museum twice that I know of and it’s a lot to take in, even when wolfing down lunch in anticipation of playing with legos. Yes, Little Man was fussing. What you didn’t know is that he had already been fed and freshly diapered, he was just having an impatient moment while I was nursing Hannah. And yes, the boys do not look like me… or my girls. In fact, to a deeply judging eye they could mark me to look like an unfaithful woman… or a woman in a really biologically confusing mess.

But my heart breaks that you didn’t really see my kids. You didn’t see Abi’s utter bliss at the chocolate covered pretzels we got as a special treat from the shop downstairs. And you didn’t see the twinkle in Big Guy’s eyes that even though he forgot his money that he brought to buy a special snack, he got to share a bag of Buggles with all of us after eating his cheese and crackers (the unsoggy ones). And you didn’t see the progress that Little Man has made in only fussing a bit and being responsive to my touch and my words to calm himself down.

You didn’t see where my boys were two months ago and how much they have moved from being constantly attention-seeking and fearful to secure and excited.

Yes, we are a noisy bunch sometimes… many times around eating time. And there are still needs to remind Big Guy to sit still and that just because he’s not touching it right now doesn’t mean he’ll never get to. And there are still needs to balance nursing my Hannah with rocking Little Man into comfort.

But my heart breaks for you, Moms, that while you may be there in your hearts some day to take in a child that needs someone while their world gets a little more under control… you’re not there right now. But right now there are Big Guys and Little Mans out there… waiting for Children’s Services to intervene and remove them from their crumbling worlds.

Tomorrow we’ll probably still be noisy, and a little bossy sometimes, and a little over-the-top excited and needy, but I am so thankful to God that tomorrow these precious boys know that they’ll still be safe. And loved. And snuggled. And told that “we’re praying for your Mom and your Dad” while they wait to see who will rescue them and who will fade away into a memory.

Sweet pregnant moms, my heart breaks for you.

Please take another glance.

Please.

0

For Good

The boys will be back in a half hour. Their visit is almost done and they’ll be dropped off by transportation. We drive and drop off. They bring home. It helps us since they scheduled the visits on the one day we requested to not.

The nights are long and I’m napless, despite hopes. The babies are so random at sleep and are many times keeping each other up.

And honestly, it is REALLY hard right now. I could stack a skyscraper high of one-block-at-a-time struggles. We’re all still adjusting to this new norm. Some better than others.

And while I have moments of just wanting things to go back to normal or at least find some consistent number of wake-up calls in the middle of the night from the two babies,

And while there are moments I am fed up with paying for someone else’s awful parenting choices,

And while there are moments I would love to sell my own kids on ebay,

I know that this is what God has for us right now. This is what He has asked of us.

This is the cup we are to drink and find delight in and splash onto his feet in tear-filled prayers.

And I just want to be honest that the sacrifice hurts many times. My pride and selfishness wants “me time” and the ability to accomplish getting 5 on a schedule to allow “just me” time.

I can complain and kick and pout as well as my two year old… if not better.

But at the end of the day, even the long days, I am still thanking God that He has given us the opportunity to love these boys.

In the good, the bad and the ugly.

God IS working this for His good.

This is the reality of our normal.

0

Our World

So we added a few new faces around here, but due to protecting them in the world of Internet you fellow readers won’t be seeing them. 😉 But even in protecting their identities I can still share our lives with you all. =)

So our table looks like this…. daily. (only I’m usually there).

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

And this is how we do everything now:

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

And we have one more happy helper:

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

And our car is full:

P2163509b

And WE LOVE IT!!!!

 

Now let’s just help convince this guy to sleep through the night. 😉

 

P2173541b

And he’s even cuter in person. 😉

 

 

 

4

Proudly powered by WordPress | Theme: Baskerville 2 by Anders Noren.

Up ↑