In the Morning.

Today I am feeling really beat down by orphan care. Between the bickering, twin 2’s constant discontentment and downright screaming today, my Hannah’s undoing of her sleep training (be it due to the added stress of our household, the addition of Twin 2 in our room for the 1.5 months before we moved him out, or her own demise), and now round 3 of lice as discovered once again in my two year old’s hair after the culprit being our oldest foster son. Today I just want to run away. I want to take my biological family and run away. I want to hide from the constant beat-down. I want to hide from the sicknesses of twin 2. I want to hide from the chaos of five kids. I want to hide from the constant battles and struggles. I just want to take “my kids” and run away from all of this orphan care.

I won’t. But I just want to be honest.

Not every day is glamorous. And this Mommying is really hard. And it hurts. And it brings me to tears. And there are moments I just want to run away. It’s hard to love someone so much that you want to run away from them and yet take them with you as well.

Today I want to blame someone. I want to call up his Mom and ask her how she could do this to them. I want to call up his “Dad” and ask him why this was ever okay. I want to yell at someone for the harm they have done to these kids. And I want to cry and hold them and just run away.

And I want to yell at someone for how little of a Mom I have left to give to my girls after dealing with the babies. I want to cry to someone about how much it hurts to tell my four year old that no I can’t play with her AGAIN because I have another diaper to do, or a baby to calm, or I just can’t think straight after another hard night of being up every 45 minutes. And I want to cry to someone as my baby screams at bedtime because she’s overwhelmed and tired and just flat out mad – coping with all the changes. And I want to take my favorite blanket and hide away at the bottom of my closet because it all feels like too much and it all won’t stop swirling.

I may sound like a wimp. I may sound like a fool. But I just wanted to be honest.

This hurts. And this is really hard.

And I want to fall on my face again before God and ask Him why. Why is it so hard? Why does it have to be this way? And what will I possibly do if after seeing my utter raw self these boys go home?

There’s silence.

A lot of silence.

But I know He’s listening. And I know He cares.

Joy will come in the morning…. it just has to!

Good Kindling

If you want a good read, ask a homeschooling Mom for her book list.

What I’ve found to be true, in most cases, is that homeschooling Moms have good book lists.

And what I’ve found to be true in all cases is that it matters what you read.

So I wanted to share a few beauties I have found amidst our public library system as well as online.

We strive to read with a purpose around these parts. Certainly we have some lovely classics like the “Anne of Green Gables” series, The Chronicles of Narnia series and The Little House on the Prairie series (though am I the only one to find those difficult to read aloud?), but we also have more mission-focused readings to add to our worldview around these parts.

I have found the enjoyment of the happy balance of reading to my girls before their nap time. Most days they fall asleep to my reading of a Missions Adventure novel, which I have mentioned before. We stumbled on a series, after stealing the recommendation from a homeschooling Mom of 10 who reads to her children for 2 hours per day from the smallest to the oldest. Janet and Geoff Benge, a husband and wife team, have taken and continue to take us on a journey through “big name” missionary’s lives with their beautiful mix of autobiography and narrative. With 35 chapter books in their Christian Heroes: Then and Now Series, we have enjoyed their 8-9 page per chapter adventure, witnessing the gospel spread in sometimes the bleakest of situations around the world. Some missionary stories come for the 1800’s and others from the 1900’s. There are varying denominations represented and varying countries supplying the missionaries. And I have found it quite a blessing that at least half of the entire series is found in our local library system.

Beyond the chapter experience, I stumbled upon “The Good Garden” by Katie Smith Milway recently. This was a lovely story with beautiful illustrations taking the readers through a 30 page journey (15 pages of text) of one family in Honduras’ movement from a poverty-stricken farm to a “food secure” farm. This story highlights the contribution of Don Elias Sanchez’s agricultural teaching and the impact on the local community. It also has a 2-page spread at the end of the book of world missions opportunities and ideas of how you can become involved in helping others become food secure. Neat book with poetic-like reading through a little girl’s, Maria Luz’s, perspective.

I also found recently these little, and I do mean little, books addressing specific sins through a kid’s view. They’re the “God I need to talk to you about…” series. They are written by Susan K. Leigh and Dan Carr and address: sharing, stealing, bad words, hurting others, bad temper, whining, greed, disrespect, bullying, laziness, paying attention, lying, bad manners, video games, vandalism, bedtime, school, homework, cheating, talking back, healthy eating, feeling sad, my parents, and being a bad sport. Each is a short read (about 2-3 minutes) in the form of a child’s explanation and admitting of the sin with the last page being a personal prayer of the child asking God to help them and admitting they were wrong. Each book takes you through a certain situation or scene depicting the problems through a kid’s eyes and even includes scripture on almost all of the pages regarding the sin. The book itself could fit in your palm, but the pictures are bright and fun enough to hold a child’s attention. I like that it addresses the sin quickly and simply while allowing for a bridge to open conversation about avoiding the temptation and asking Jesus for help. Plus they’re about $1.19 a piece on amazon. SCORE! Recommended age 4-8, but my 2 yr old enjoys these too.

We also recently purchased this book for our daughter’s 4th birthday that we stumbled upon in Family Christian bookstores. This is one of a small princess series written to target the fluff-age of fairytale with a little more backbone in the parable world. Princess Faith’s Mysterious Garden takes you through a kitten-seeking rendition of the parable of the lost sheep, with a two-page spread at the end paralleling the two stories. As you can quickly tell in the opening of the 5 daughters of the king, this series could be open to two additional books, since each sister appears to have their own story. But there are currently only 3 on the market. There’s Princess Faith, Princess Joy and Princess Charity’s stories out there thus far. But they’re cute, less-fluff, (primarily because of the attached 2 pages relating the story to the parable through the princess’ narration) storybooks satisfying the intense fairytale need in the eyes of any 3+ yr old little girl.

And then there’s my personal favorite in opening my own eyes, let alone the eyes of my sweet little ones, to the realities of “other than us” family living out there. Material World: A global Family Portrait by Peter Menszel is a wonderful project book composed of a pictorial look into the lives of families all around the world through the contents of their homes. Through this study, Peter Menzel had various families empty the contents of their home onto the nearby property to broaden our understanding of their lives. Each family has about 4 pages devoted to their lifestyle among the obvious conversation-fueling photograph of their “entire livelihood”. From the dirt-poor to the wealthy, this book is an awesome tool for broadening your understanding of “need”, “want” and culture. Plus, it’s found in our library system. While this is not really a “read to your child” type book, especially if you have preschoolers, it is jam-packed with facts and information about the countries, cultures and individual lives of these families.

I have also come across the “Little Lights” series by Catherine MacKenzie which allows us to put a few short stories about missionaries on our bookshelves. There are 8 books in this series that focus through 24 pages (each 2 page spread containing a new part of the story) on one missionary’s life in highlights starting from their childhood. The author does a nice job of keeping things pretty simple, but adding in the gospel and evangelistic drive of each missionary. I also like how there is a one-sentence summary available on each 2-page spread for your “quick flipping” crowd. And while the age recommendation is for 4+, my girls have enjoyed our growing stash of these books from age 2 and up. It’s just nice to read something with a little more historical meat in it without compromising the gospel message and the nice illustrations.

What are some of your favorites?

Well, that’s all from us for now.

– Enjoy!

Music Monday: When the Saints

“When the Saints” by Sara Groves:

I don’t think it could be said better.

This world is so full of sin and injustice.

The only hope is Jesus.

But how will they hear if no one tells them?

Music Monday: Be Still

I remember sitting on the floor in my room, well before the household awoke and listening to this song each morning. It was still frosty and cold and I had to get going to make it in time to High School. But I made it a point to sit, sometimes praying, sometimes reading the Word during that time, but many times just sitting with open hands and letting the song pray for me.

He is God.

Then when I went off to college I remember sitting in the hallway outside my dorm room. It was too early and my roommate wouldn’t let me keep a light on, so I sat in the hallway, in the corner of our fourth floor dorm building each morning at 5, just praying and reading the Word. Since my french class started at 8a I got up every morning at 5a, going to bed early despite the bustle of college, so I could spend however long the Holy Spirit led me to pour over God’s Word.

It was still.

Not a soul was awake on the floor.

The showers were vacant and the fall air crisp on that Tennessee morning.

After a quick shower, sometimes foregoing one because I ran out of time, I walked across the campus to this soundtrack.

Frost hung in the cold breeze. Hardly a soul in sight as the campus slept.

It was still.

And I knew that there was, and is, and will be forever… God.

This song is very dear to my heart.

Proudly powered by WordPress | Theme: Baskerville 2 by Anders Noren.

Up ↑