Category: God’s heart

Final Goodbye

From an email sent to my Sunday School class about Grandpa Stauffer:

“Grandpa Stauffer began heavenly walking with Jesus this morning at 6am. He shed this world and stepped into the second chapter of his life without pain or distress, but peacefully in his sleep. We’re all taking comfort in the hope that he is now standing on two legs [he previously had one amputated] and meeting his Savior face to face. We’re also hopeful that he’ll get to dance with his earthly bride again.

While the transition hurts for those of us left behind, the hope in Christ is more than enough to grant a supernatural peace about the whole situation. Barb and Rodger both woke up this morning around 5am feeling that something was different. Rodger later shared that he had a dream that he and Barb were standing in the house with Grandpa and everyone was at peace.

Please, if you do not mind, pray that the Hope we have in Christ is able to bring family members into a stronger desire for Jesus as memorial service plans, phone calls, and travels to Michigan naturally bring up conversations about eternity. Grandpa Stauffer’s wishes to be cremated and buried next to his beautiful bride will be carried out at the small grave-side service in early October.

Thank you again for your love and prayers.

And again, it cannot be stressed enough, that the hope of Christ makes this whole situation saturate our faith in a new level of New Jerusalem focus.

One day every knee shall bow… just some get the privilege to kneel before the rest of us.”

– We know you are resting in peace, Grandpa Stauffer. And we’re also so thankful that you are resting in true Joy. You are so loved and already are missed.

– To God be the glory. 

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Another Addition to the Fam.

Before Matt and I had kids, we decided it would be a priority in our household to sponsor children in poverty-stricken countries and situations “overseas”. We decided that our family would add one additional sponsored child per biological (or adopted) child in our household. We figure if we can afford to add on a child to our mix, we should make it a priority to afford a $30/month sponsorship as well. God has blessed us beyond measure and we trust He will continue to enable us to glorify Him, even if things get tight. Priorities require sacrifices, but some sacrifices are so right they feel like breathing.

With that being said, we first picked our Lidia back when Rachael was a baby. Sweet Lidia was the youngest child available that day when we walked into a local Family Christian bookstore and checked out their “World Vision” sponsorship rack. Sweet Lidia was just a petite little almost two year old (who looked more like a new one year old) when we first sponsored her and is now a thriving five year old starting school this year.

When Abi was born we discussed another sponsorship child. Our dear Tofic fell into our laps when the youth group was no longer able to provide funds to upkeep the little guy’s needs. So we joyously took on our dear Tofic in Abi’s honor. Tofic is currently an active seven year old (his birthday was 8 days ago) enjoying his second year of schooling. We love the hand-drawn pictures he sends us.

Lidia and Tofic are precious in our family as we learn about their loves, lives and families. We have clocks hanging on the wall to remind us of their real-life times and schedules. We pray for them at meals and talk about them during the day. They are two sweet kiddos who have just been  dealt a hard hand and we are so beyond blessed to come alongside of their families and their communities to help them “learn how to fish” in a desolate place.

So with the addition of Hannah to our family on the horizon, Matt and I took the girls back to the bookstore to the familiar World Vision rack. We studied the faces, learned new name pronunciations and worked together to pick out Hannah’s sponsor child.

It was a given when we came across her. Valentina from Colombia. She’s a cute little two year old with a birthday split between Rachael and Abi. The sweet thing is the only child of a single mom, for whatever reason, who is doing everything she can in upholding a daily wage earning job to try to provide for herself and her little girl. Valentina is growing up in a poor community in Colombia. World Vision just recently expanded their efforts in Colombia to come alongside struggling families after a devastating earthquake.

While we still have much to learn about Valentina and anxiously await our packet of information about her that we will be getting in the next few weeks in the mail, it was so neat to watch Rachael’s excitement and curiosity about this precious life. And our dear Abi clung to Valentina’s brochure with joy. We read and reread the few paragraphs we have about her before bed that night and since then.

It’s such a blessing to watch our children’s eyes slowly opened to the precious opportunity we have to love on children in the name of Jesus that we may never meet.

So welcome to the crew, Valentina. Rachael wants you to know that she loves you very much.

*** This post is in no way to bring glory to us, but to give it to God in thanks for the privilege of bringing Him glory in our daily lives.

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For Another Day…

” I believe in the sun even when it is not shining. 
I believe in love even when I cannot feel it.
I believe in God even when He is silent.” 
– written on a wall during the Holocaust –

If there is anything I have learned time and time again in this world, it’s that there are so many questions without answers, so many hurts without visible justice, so many tears in what can feel like silence.

But when I open the Word of God, His love compels me toward faith. His consistency. His unchanging forgiveness. His character proves and has proven ore and ore that His promises remain.

When it feels hard, uncomfortable, and things here in this world hurt, our hope is found in Christ alone. And all we need to do to remind ourselves of the Hope in Christ is open the Word to Revelation. He wins. Justice takes it’s final judgement. And there are no more hurts, tears, pains and sins causing all those.

He wins.

So keep holding on for another day… cause that’s what it means to live by faith.

– Reminded lately.

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Causing the Father to Run

Sometimes it’s just downright hard to be a Mom.

Every child grows, matures and changes differently. There are graceful transitions and there are really hard phases that seem to last F.O.R.E.V.E.R.

But it’s in those harder transitions, like teaching your child the power of self-control and self-soothing, that really pull the depths of a mother’s, this mother’s, heartstrings.

Self-control has been a skill of Rachael’s from being very small. She seems to be wired with patience, nurturing and self-control. Her tantrum phase was almost non-existent. Words mean so much to her that she is more apt to tantrum through words (i.e. whining and defiant speech) than physically lose it.

Abi is the complete opposite. To Abi, words are effective communication, but there is also a bottled passion within her that she explodes in defiance and frustration when she is unable to communicate her emotions/needs to you or when she feels that her emotions/needs were not accepted. Mixing that deep passion and need to express herself with learning communication (which can be frustrating) and her deep need for physical forgiveness (i.e. you holding her to help her self-regulate and let go of the deep hurt) often creates a hurricane within her.

While Abi has been making GREAT strides in advancing her self-control to remain in the time-out chair during “cool down” moments. There has always been a part of Abi’s character that needs physical touch to regain self-control. Even as a young baby, she needed to feel your calm heartbeat and deep breathing to regain her own self-control. We’ve tried the “cry it out” method to no avail and only to witness her choking, coughing and in complete shaking distress in various ages/stages.

Working it out by herself just does not work for Abi. It’s just a fact. But I am hopeful with continued consistency, time and maturity she too shall learn the power of self-control and self-soothing.

But there are definitely boundaries so as not to create complete reliance on Mommy or Daddy to begin to regain her self-control. She just needs slower, simpler steps as she slowly learns self-control and advances in communication with maturity.  We do a lot of helping her to learn feelings words and appropriate expression of her deep hurts. She is a child of great passion, and I adore her for that. So teaching her to control those wild passion horses is a life-lesson relearned and relearned with each stage. 

And there are those really hard moments of teaching self-control in the midst of desiring the best for Abi and modeling acceptance of appropriate behavior. This is one of my hardest challenges with her. It breaks my heart to hear and witness her working herself into complete hysterics. I wish I could just learn the lesson quickly for her, but if I’ve learned anything it’s that Abi just needs time.

It’s hard when she makes the turn from disappointment and frustration to desperately trying to regain self-control. She has become her worst enemy and she is trying to communicate her want to be rescued and to regain control. It’s hard in those moments and my heart breaks for her as I do my best to stick to communicating my consistent expectations of her and the small steps to regain self-control.

It’s that “Mommy… Mommy,” as she pleas in utter exhaustion, abandoning herself willingly to attempt anything I say because she just wants the hysterics to stop. It’s the “Please… Mommy… please,” as she tries to breathe deeply and calm her hysterical diaphragm. It breaks my heart, pushing me to work past tears in my own eyes to repeat the familiar step by step instructions and give her the time she needs. I want so badly to save her from herself. But I know that I cannot physically be her self-control for the rest of her life.

Slow, slow steps forward. With much time needed and given.

In an instant of followed directions, even the slightest steps of success in self-control, my arms are out to her. She rests her head on my shoulder and her body almost instantly calms. Her breathing regulates. Her heart stops racing. All that’s left of the hurricane is a semi-radical diaphragm, reminding us both of the last forty-five minutes of hard learning.

My precious Abi… Mommy’s heart breaks for you in some lessons. I wish I could scoop you up out of the mess you have put yourself in. But it must be your will to turn from your rebellion. It must be your choice to desire obedience. I just wish it didn’t have to be so hard sometimes.

But God is teaching me the waiting, the praying and the hurting that caused the Father of the returning prodigal son to run.

I adore you, little girl.
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Nipping Bad Habits

In evaluating the household (important thing to do periodically), I’ve come to the realization that we have fallen into a few bad habits.  Abi – screaming/crying/tantrumming more when things don’t go her way. Rachael – being quite bossy in play.  And me – not being more involved in discipleship. On the outside these are very normal things. Moms get tired, three year olds get bossy in an effort for “independence” and directing “more advanced role play”, and nearly two year olds become overcome with emotions and, thus, begin tantrumming. But could you imagine what we would be like if Jesus decided to stop discipling because “we were just acting normally” and thus left us to our own demise? Not a pretty picture.

So I was thinking of practical ways to nip these few bad habits in the butt, or at least try our best to work toward great self-control.

So for me – it means intentionality, greater listening and more calm responses.
Rachael – practicing hospitality and greater problem-solving in including Abi in play and interpreting Abi’s wants/needs.
Abi – using words to express her wants/needs and compromising.

And how do Rachael and Abi advance those skills? You got it, Mommy’s modeling (you didn’t know I was a model in my spare time did you?).

This may sound like technical mumbo-jumbo but the reality is that I need to show my children how to play, respect each other, and, in turn, love each other “right where they are.” This should be an intentional thing because, just like anyone, we all struggle with our sin nature that says, “MINE!”, “DO THIS!”, and “GO AWAY!” No one needed to teach me selfishness and I sure haven’t needed to teach my kids either. But the way I model respect and love in our household is their foundation for all their interactions outside of the home.

Please hear me clearly that I am not expecting perfection. Abi and Rachael have yet to give their lives to Christ, and therefore cannot live out the full hospitality, love and grace that the Holy Spirit within us fosters.But me, on the other hand, being in Christ, that’s a different story. I may be the voice of reason here for a good long while (and I think I should be) but I also desire for Rachael and Abi to have a clear picture of what treating other’s like “in Jesus” or “while thinking about Jesus” should look like as opposed to thinking only of self. Since primarily morality is a parent’s discipleship tool as we wait and pray for the Scriptures to stir up within our kids, it’s important to make clearly defined expectations. It goes beyond not wanting our kids to be fools in public (not the point), but it’s figuring out the reality of living with and truly enjoying the lifestyle of your kids. Putting up with behaviors only goes so far in a hands-off approach. Children never grow into moral maturity on their own. Heck, adults don’t even grow into moral maturity on their own. We need constant examples, grace and someone to come alongside us to love us into self-control in Christ.

We still will have our off days and off moments of “please, you just go play over there by yourself and you way over there by yourself.” But I have been encouraged by the small progresses just a morning’s worth of intentional training has produced: Rachael asking Abi with a please to play certain ways and respecting her “no” and alternative way of play despite not wanting to, Abi using more words quickly after her initial 2 second explosion or not even exploding twice, and me really focusing on discipleship and showing my kids more of Jesus in grace and practical love.

It sounds like simple things, and it is! But sometimes the simplest things are the hardest to build a consistent self-control when you look at the big picture of where you wish you could be. Step by step, situation by situation… I’m reminded of our encouragement to never grow tired of doing good (2 Timothy 3:13) and our responsibility as parents to train our children in the way they should go (Proverbs 22:6). Training takes time, extra effort, modeling and grace.

God teaches me best through open eyes to His example of parenting me. And I am so blessed that He lovingly, quietly and gently sits down beside me, guiding me into the way I should better treat  and teach others.  Teaching hospitality and kindness breeds hospitality and kindness in myself.

– Learning with my kids.

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It Overflows.

I sat in the quiet, drinking in the rest. Overhearing the nursery fan on the baby monitor which blended in well with the ceiling fan’s rotation behind me. The quiet hum of the dryer, spinning my latest load of diapers. The sight of the other diapers dancing on the clothes line in the backyard sun through my peripherals. Silence filling the house. Rest.

I prayed throughout my project. Painting rubber cement on a blank index. Thank You, Lord for this rest. Bonding a blank index to the former. Thank You, Lord, for Esther‘s heart. Squaring the corners. In stepping up with Your passion inside her to share the Word. Picking up a magnet and painting on rubber cement. Thank you for the hearts of Will and Theresa. Strokes of the brush. How they are giving it all daily for Your Kingdom. Pressing the magnet to the cards. Please breathe into them rest… peace. 

A smile crept on my lips at the thoughts and prayers for Emmanuel – his growing heart in the Lord. And Ayuba‘s willingness to serve. Those beautiful faces. Beautiful people. Almost as a lullaby did my soul sing it’s thankfulness. King of kings…. Lord of lords… I remembered the Psalm I read just this morning.

Spinning of the fans. The persistently light humming of the dryer. Thank You, Lord for this rest. 

My cup is full…

Instant thought of the list of names to be written on these new magnets. Those dedicating themselves unto the Lord and those that have yet to meet Him. Those I have the privilege to pray for.

In utero dancing.

it overflows…

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