My best friend woke me up this morning. No, I’m not referring to my husband, he’s still sleeping, or a pet. I have found that in setting a devotion wake-up time goal i have never had to set an alarm. I just mysteriously wake-up 15 minutes earlier than my goal. That put me right out on the couch after my lovely morning bathroom trip and gathering my Bible at precisely 6:30a.

Good morning Jesus.

How close does He feel today?

You know, I have found in memorizing Scripture and trying to live it out that when Jesus feels close it is not a burden. It is a privilege. When Jesus feels like a best friend, I want to read His letters to me. I want to read His advice and guidance to my heart. And when He feels far away, I find other things to replace the time.

Oddly enough I don’t believe our faith should be a feeling. I believe we need to train our selves and whip ourselves into shape. We can never do all our training ourselves, we need to pray for the Holy Spirit’s changing in our hearts. But I believe many of the “seasons” in Christianity are really disguised Apathy emerging in our lives. O yes, I have been through dry seasons where it feels like my prayers are hitting the ceiling, but I have also found that while it is a challenge sometimes to think beyond ourselves (ahem, it’s a challenge all the time in my selfish heart), I must push myself.

No change will just happen on it’s own. I don’t believe this is because God cannot just make a change happen. Beyond salvation, in which I found myself all of a sudden “getting it”, all other change has happened gradually. As I have asked for more of Jesus and less of me, I have slowly gotten just that. But I must keep asking.

Some days I don’t ask so well. Some days I want more of myself. And it’s in those days that I must push myself.

A while back I happily accepted my apathy toward devotions. “Everyone struggles with them,” I told myself. “This has been something I have always struggled with: the consistency of a devotion time,” my own enabling continued. And where did that get me? Continuing to struggle to “find time” for a devotion.

Matt came home from a youth conference with a challenging phrase: “Devotions are a promise. Every day you feel like breaking your devotion time, just go ahead and tell your teenager they can break their purity promise that day. Afterall, you’re breaking your promise that day too.”

I didn’t like that. Purity really matters to me. I can’t imagine throwing it all in the can for one day of fleeting passion after waiting for 22 years to save sex for marriage. It forced me to think in real terms.

No, that didn’t instantly fix my struggles with devotion. Every day I have the battle, many times a day, flesh verses Spirit. But I must show up to the battle!

My routine started like this: grumbling at the early time, apologizing to God, reading the Word, writing some prayers in my journal, and repeating that process for a week of exhausted morning devotion. We all must start somewhere. Then i started going to bed a little earlier. The grumbling cut back and I started apologizing for sins other than my grumbling. =) And sooner than I thought a month or so had passed and it was just normal to wake up early – even on a Sunday, and start my day off in the Word. There were days it sucked – I was in a bad mood. I hadn’t slept well. Vacation came. I failed. But I just kept thinking about telling Rachael she didn’t have to guard her purity that day. Now people, I am aware that she is 2, but purity is a heart-training that begins with modesty, initially for the sake of “because Mom says privacy is important”, and expands into a lifestyle of waiting for what God has on the horizon for you. I just kept imagining telling Rachael in her teenage years to “go have fun” and “forget about it for today” afterall, “you’ll get another chance tomorrow.” See how different devotions look in another point of view?

I challenge you to lay it all on the line. You’ll mess up – I did. But I challenge you to force the priority and stop accepting your own excuses. You will be surprised what a heart for Jesus emerges from diving into the deep. You’ll be surprised at the clarity that emerges in refocusing on His Truth daily.

… in Christ Alone.

Sorry for the silence for a while. There has been much to think about and much to pray about lately. With some addition of alone time this past week and the addition of some quiet time this week rocking Abi’s teething, tired body, I thought I’d share some mid-thoughts.

A few weeks ago our Sunday School class spoke on hindrances that we personally have in sharing the Gospel with those we care deeply about. I was thankful for the honesty and the grace amongst the group as a few shared their hearts.

Sharing the Gospel can seem so formal sometimes and even unnatural in feeling at times. Some could venture to state that the Spirit is not leading if the situation feels awkward. But so much of the situation feeling awkward could be in your own mind as well. Sure there is the feeling of rejection that adds a bitter taste sometimes. But it is such a tricky piece of life because while we don’t intend to walk on eggshells in our world, we also want to be careful not to tromp around with spikes on our boots.

Maybe I can explain it better like this:

When Jesus is everything to you… When Jesus is the air you breath…
When Jesus consumes your thoughts, your heart, your intentions…
Are you then sharing the Gospel or just living?

See how can I keep from wanting to share Him? He’s my best friend. Of course I want you to meet Him. He changes everything. He makes the hurts livable. He makes the trials bearable. He makes hope from devastation. He is Life to the full!

Not everyone is ready to accept Him. Not everyone is ready to have faith like a child. And according the Word, not everyone will accept Him. But everyone will hear.

I’ve been listening to this song while rocking my littlest through her teething needs. “The Gentle Healer” by Selah. It’s a cover of the song done many years prior. But I include it here for a few reasons: I like about the song that it is written from the position of an outsider trying to rationalize and understand who Christ says He is and proves Himself to be. And yet at the end of the song the singer is not converted. Many Christian songs end in conversion, yet few continue in their state of lose ends. It’s important not to get discouraged as a believer… it’s all a process for each of us. And while we have the Answer to Life beating in our hearts, Christ is certainly not to be taken lightly. I enjoy how in this song it ends with “some folks who followed Him, they say that the Gentle Healer is the Truth, the Life, the Way.”

At some point it must be us making the decision if the Gentle Healer is our Truth, our Life and our Way. Only we can make that decision. And there are consequences on both sides of that choice.

Yet the journey to that choice is just that… a journey and our jobs as Christians are to come alongside of the walker and disciple them to the choice of Jesus. It is the walker’s choice, but our Master has made it more than clear that He is a Gentle Healer, gently healing our hearts to salvation should we chose to have faith in His ability to Heal us.

– just some thoughts rattling about in my head.

What happens when we start applying the Word of God like as if it’s the Truth that it is? What happens when we cling to the Word and the power of God’s promise through it?

You know, it’s been slowly growing in me the utter power that God has given us through the Word. Many days it can fell so normal and common-place as if somehow a distant part of the Christian walk. It’s “old texts” feel just that when new crisis arises. It’s “Sunday School” applications feel more like some dying off church when we face the daily battles and struggles of our culture and our generation. What does the Word really have to say about what I am going through?

It is a challenge to state with your livelihood that every word in The Bible is Truth. Not applicable only to one person, or one time, or one situation, but applicable and True.

Can you imagine what would happen if we were to fall on our faces before the Lord and instead of lifting up countless Sugar-Daddy prayers, beg Him for more of His Word to be alive within us? I can’t imagine how it would change us if we would just apply more of the Word of God.

Suddenly gluttony, homosexuality, adultery, anger, fear, depression, greed, gossip, impatience, hatred, hypocrisy, impulsivity, being judgmental, anxiety, bitterness, complaining, being critical, disrespect, doubting, envy, boasting, inferiority, superiority, pride, masturbation, lying, love of money, pornography, laziness, profanity, rebelliousness, stealing, self-centeredness, uncontrolled thoughts, lack of discipline, lack of loving, lack of forgiveness, revengefulness, gambling, materialism, pleasure seeking, intoxication, immodesty, smoking, apathy, neglect of Bible Study, prayerlessness and so many others would be answerable. And through the Spirit Christians everywhere could overcome those demons left over from their life before Christ.

The Scripture would truly be alive and sharper than a double edged sword in our lives, cutting out the garbage we allow to master us.

Matt and I have begun a challenge to use the Word to put off our old self methods – you know, those “always there to trip you up” sins, and put on the new self. You are going to meditate on something. You are going to do something during a frustration. You can’t just stop doing a sin without replacing it with what God wants us to do. So Matt and I have been using a tool that helps us identify our Achilles heal sins, put on the Biblical character attributes that are the complete opposite of those and then memorize specific Scriptures to guard our hearts against those sins. In other words, we’re trying to take God at His Word.

God promises that the Holy Spirit will be our guide. So we’re just trying to identify him better and agree with God that our sins are unacceptable.

Are we going to be prefect? Not this side of the New Jerusalem.

But I don’t want to be the same. We are called to grow in Christ. The way we did things yesterday is not good enough. Only through the Holy Spirit can true change take hold, but we’re called to be proactive in seeking righteousness, not just hoping it’ll fall into our lap one of these days.

I am reminded of this song in thinking over the Truth and the power of Scripture applied in our lives. Amidst the tragedy of losing her newborn son, a woman penned these honest words about God’s love and character. In the face of fleshly responses to be angry and broken and beaten down amid the tragedy, came this woman’s response to her son’s death. I’m sure every day wasn’t a walk in the clouds or anything close, but the honesty of her unwavering faith is alive in this song.

I want a faith like that. A faith that doesn’t have to be tried by trials and tribulations to produce a right view of God and His Word. But a trust that even though we are in a sinful world that has so many sinful consequences and hurts, God’s Word is Truth – now and always- and it testifies about the true character of a more-than-worthy-of-our-praise Father.

I hope you choose today, in this moment, and every moment during today to let His Spirit conquer your flesh. It is a true challenge, but as I am reminded again and again,

“No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape, so that you will be able to endure it.” – 1 Corinthians 10:13

God has provided all that we need to overcome our temptations through His Word. Now it is time for His people to take Him at His Word.

And “if hope is born of suffering. If this is only the beginning. Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?”

– to God be the glory.

You know, I have found the joy in praying for over-seas missions. What a wonderful job that we States-bound Christians can do! And yet I have discovered something unexpected along this journey of doing what God tells me to do… I miss Theresa Reed. It’s funny how close Jos, Nigeria feels some days, and yet there is a truth that we cannot get past… it’s not next door.

There are times when I just want to walk next door with a plate of cookies. Or I just want to poke my head in and see how things are going and what more I can pray for. Or I just wish the delay of information and the silence were not so thick at times. Sure I am living in the “get information now” generation. I can’t even imagine what Rowland’s Bingham’s family did as they waited for weeks on end just to find out if Rowland had made it to Africa – let alone survived the next day. So i know I am spoiled by Will and Theresa’s blog and emails. But there are days that it’s not enough. There are days that I just want to run over there… and maybe never come back (don’t worry, I’d bring my family. hehehe).

Maybe that’s my missionary heart speaking.

I have found along the road of sponsoring Tofic and Lidia that I just want to give them a hug some days. I’m still a stranger in many aspects, but they are a huge part of my life and my thoughts and my prayers.

We got a letter from Tofic yesterday – the smile was unerasable (that may not be a real word, but you get the point). I am so blessed by that little boy and the prospect of loving him from afar. I may never meet him, but I pray for his salvation daily. We talk about him frequently – not because I’m some weirdo stalker (ahem) but because he matters to me. He is a life worthy of investment for the Kingdom’s sake. And God called me to love him and I don’t know how to do that half-heartedly.

But some days it just feels too far away. I want to be there. I want to feel the dirt in the air. I want to hug Theresa. I want to see with my own eyes and breathe it all in with my own lungs…

And yet I have the utter blessing and privilege of praying for them all, which in turn makes me feel so much closer.

…

Anyway… I just wanted to comment on the irony and challenge of distance amongst believers and their mission field.

– love to my little Lidia, football-loving Tofic, and giving-it-all Will and Theresa.