Category: God’s heart

Back to School.

I’ve been studying for the past week or so to go back to school. No, people, I am not planning on pursuing my Master’s (HA!), but I am pursuing preschool again. And I’m looking into generalized education and how to school another and (let’s be real) be schooled by another. Matt and I have decided to pursue homeschooling for as long as God continues to press it upon our hearts and allow me to be home with our kids. The schooling needs of each of our kids will be evaluated and prayed over continually to make sure we’re offering what they need, not just want they or we want. While I have a few minutes before Rachael is in the “school age” crowd, I figured there’s no better time than now to learn and grow in my education philosophy. Wow that sounds technical.

I’ve been reading all kinds of curriculum recommendations and philosophies regarding home schooling. Some have sucked – just being honest. And some quite honestly have rebelled against my structure-needs. Like I don’t think I could be the homeschooler who has “unschooled” kids – you know, the one that the book talk about as just letting natural curiosity and non-booked development drive a child’s education ONLY. The mom who doesn’t push her kids or really classify them as any grade level or require them to read of write or do math or…. While home school permits flexibility, that kid is going to need a job some day. No one’s going to pay them to run around outside barefooted and sing to the flowers. But seriously count me in if you find someone who’ll cut you a check for that biz! Yet there is part of me that certainly is not seeking to create geniuses with no friends or social skills. Balance wins this contest again. Man, seriously, buy out your stocks in balance – it’s creeping into every category.

Just been interesting lately to think of all the potential in raising Biblical kids. Rachael memorizing her first Bible verse (1 Peter 3:18a) at 2.5 has been challenging my Biblical parenting. The child just popped up one night after VBS with the theme Bible verse memorized. After picking my chin up from the floor I realised I could be underestimating her abilities here. Thanks again to her VBS teachers for teaching and reteaching and reteaching that verse to her. We now hear it over the baby monitor as she sings it in the nursery. From the mouths of babes, people. What is 1 Peter 3:18a you may wonder? “For Christ died for Sin, once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous to bring you to God.” She doesn’t know what it means yet, nor does she know it fully in her heart. But we’re to raise our kids with the Scriptures bound on their foreheads. And it’s not just the kids that should have it on their minds (wink, wink).

I’ve downloaded 5 songs from Amazon from the 1,000+ songs that are Scripture put to music for the purpose of memorization. Then I found 12 online for free. Today I made a CD and have put it in our car. Funny but when Scripture is all around us, I find myself wanting to hear more Scripture and thinking more about Scripture and already Rachael has been mouthing the words from the back seat. I’m no ingenious (HA! I didn’t even spell that right the first time) Mom, people, obviously someone else had that idea first – over 1,000+ times before I did. But I want Rachael to learn Christ’s heart and His philosophy. It’s about being goal-focused and intentional. I know she’s soaking up everything like a wet sponge – Abi too (only Abi prefers to chew on the sponges)- now how can I help her soak up more eternal things?

“Home Schooling” has taken on a far greater subject line that I once believed. There is so much more than “just surviving the school years” that home schooling has to offer. And just as parenting has so much more to offer through the lense of Christ, home schooling can have so much more to offer through the lense of Christ.

Light among darkness is important. Agreed. But to have light among darkness you must first have light. And in order to first have light, Christ needs to be in us. God has been opening my eyes to that lately. Yes, we Christians are called to be light among darkness (in our community, in schools, in church, in our homes), but my kids aren’t Christians yet. So once they are Christians, Lord willing, then they have the opportunity to serve in their mission fields among darkness. Then our focus will be switched from Christ-exposure to equipping to Go. But it’s all at one step at a time. Christ is their choice. They can choose Him or deny Him. And while my hopes and prayers are certainly that they would choose Christ, I just want to provide the most real example possible of the beauty and glory of our Lord and my obedience to raising kids as God desires is all I can give. Only my goal is not just to encourage Christians, but to encourage them to become devoted and obedient Christians. There is a HUGE difference in the two (and some would venture to say that pew-sitting Christians are not Christians, but I’m not the judge of obedience or salvation).

All I know is what a blessing it has been, and I pray it will continue to be, to watch them begin on their paths of possibility.

– To God be all the glory.

… now back to reading and praying.

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A Mommy in God

Here’s a little something I read this morning that encourages a change of perspective for Moms out there. (click and read, friends.)

Now commentary:

Agreed – how much of a blessing and how God-honoring can we be in serving Christ with a heart of missions in our “every day” tasks. And yet I wish the article would have highlighted on one other thing – taking those exact words of encouragement to their fullest form – We are raising missionaries. Now our kids may never move to foreign countries (take a look around the US, the mission field is at our doorstep), but perspective and purpose changes when I think of my girls as beginning missionaries verses just trying to be moral and polite. Moral and polite are responses of humility and gratefulness, which are characteristics we receive in Christ. I don’t want to create just moral kids, I want to create kids that want Jesus. For in wanting Jesus they will seek Him, obey Him, and serve Him.

In trying to help create missionaries, I tell them about God’s work around the world. I want them to feel the joys and the pains in the work of our Father. I want them to know more and more of the Word of God. And feel bold and brave in Christ. There is a different focus and drive in thinking of raising missionaries because even the little things I teach, like sharing and not yelling at your friends (you know, just to name some random one – wink, wink), are not just for the purpose of having the prized toddler on the playground. It’s because Jesus loves us and tells us to love others. And how are my kids or others going to know about Jesus unless I talk about Him?

Sure my baby kids are too young to grasp the fullness of sanctification and working out our salvation (we’re still praying of their moments of salvation), but in my explaining and reexplaining what the motivation behind my actions are for my kids, not only am I allowing the opportunity for the lifestyle pattern of Christ to be normal in our lives, but I also am thinking more about God myself. Ever done that: Taught yourself a little something while attempting to teach your kids?

I don’t have any idea when Rachael and Abi are going to make their first memory, retain their first Bible verse or hopefully, have their first Ah-Ha Jesus moment. But my job, my joyful and wonderful job, as a Mom is to provide and seek out as many opportunities as I can to teach about Jesus – even while folding the laundry. Not because I want to manipulate the time I have with my kids to be a formal teaching moment, but because Jesus deserves my every thought and my every word. And through me thinking aloud about Jesus to my kids, I am being obedient in training my kids up “in the way they should go” oh that they would not “sway from that path.”

THIS is my hope and my prayer and my delight as a Mommy in God.

=)

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Changed

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lt_WpluguwE]

Sara Groves wrote this song after returning from a trip to Rwanda. For those of you who are not aware, Rwanda has a history of a mass genocide in 1994 in which approximately 800,000 people (approx. 20% of the country’s population) were killed from the country’s internal turmoils (longstanding ethnic competitions and tension between the minority, Tutsi, and majority, Hutu, people). Many women and children were among the victims that lay heaped in large dump sites. But this song was written after Sara Groves witness the Christians within Rwanda’s dedication and efforts to rebuild the communities in Rwanda. These weren’t foreigners coming in to “save someone from themselves”, but Rwandan Christians’ response to the tragedy within their country.

This song has a powerful message that resonates beyond the realms of this country’s tragedy. I can’t get the words of this song out of my head. As God has been changing me I have realized how much of a challenge poverty has placed on me. My obedience to God’s call has so little to do with being unable to financially afford compassion and everything to do with my fears. There are a vast gamut of fears that have in turn kept me from extending the hands of Christ. It’s so easy to get lost in the fears, some very real, of selling yourself out for Christ’s work. And yet Sara Groves speaks the Holy Spirit’s call on our hearts in the truth of God’s love through this song. The line, “Your courage asks me what I’m afraid of and what I know of love. And what I know of God,” burns into me.

What do I know of God? What do I know of love? Me, with Jesus Christ inside me. Me, with hope and promise breeding within me. See, it’s not enough just to get fat on Scripture. It’s not enough to merely be served by Christianity. My belief in love and my belief in God is proved in how far I will extend myself for God. Sometimes it’s easy to see taking one step of faith as enough for a few months. There, God, I extended myself for Your glory, now let me be for a while. But God doesn’t work that way. We can’t manipulate Him like that.

You know, it’s so easy to make excuses as to why serving Christ in the U.S. is so difficult and time consuming and hard. “I just can’t seem to fit it into my schedule,” being a mind-comfort for disobedience. Maybe we can even hide under the “but I’m taking care of this family that you have given me” excuse. Been there, done that. But Christians are so safe here in our country. Our biggest fear is of offending someone, not losing our life for God’s work. And yet we still have our moments, and sometimes months or years, of bench-sitting.

I have been praying to be used for the Kingdom, not just to raise my family to think about God before meals. And it’s a challenge to be changed and grown and matured and pushed by God. It’s hard to explain the heart of God to those that don’t seem to be growing or changing or moving in the same direction as myself. Certainly condemnation is not to be handed out from my lips for obvious moments of apathy among friends. (Sure glad no one did that to me.) That’s not my job. But it’s really an uncomfortable place to be in to feel compelled by God amongst comfortable-with-where-we-are people. It must be what it’s like to be a missionary coming back to the States for presentations. How can I possibly sum up God’s heart in a pretty package of pictures that will motivate others to reckless abandonment for God’s glory? It’s like that conversation where the other person in nodding their head and yet you know they’ve already checked out. (How many times have I done that?)

I don’t know how to describe it. I don’t know how to motivate others’ hearts. I don’t think that’s my job. And yet I feel compelled to not be silent. I can’t contain this kind of change into a pretty package. I am having a hard enough time rectifying how I have lived the way I have in the past, let alone encouraging others to give more of themselves for the Gospel. This IS the Gospel – giving of ourselves for the glory of God.

It is changing.
molding.
remodeling.
and cleaning out the old junk that doesn’t belong here.

Because there’s only room for Jesus thoughts that spur obedience.

I must decrease. He must increase.

“Something on the road, cut me to the soul. Your pain has changed me, your dreams inspire. Your face a memory, your hope a fire. Your courage asks me what I’m afraid of and what I know of Love. And what I know of God.”

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Unharnessed.

You know, God is changing my heart. It’s so hard to put into words. But suddenly some of the things I have valued seem to feel earthly and temporary. Stuff feels like stuff more. And Kingdom works are consuming my mind. I find myself consumed by the burdens, the hope and the promise of an all-sustaining God who provides every need.

It’s in the face of the poor’s needs that I question how I define need. It’s in the way missionaries live that I question what I feel I deserve. It’s in the heart of the gospel that I question my drive and my motive. It’s in the blessing of our culture that I question my standard of success. It’s in your face, Lidia, in your eyes, Tofic, that I am challenged to live a life of surrender and obedience. Where am I looking for Jesus today? Have I missed His life all around me?

Lidia and Tofic, you are normal kids – sinning, smiling, trying to figure out life. And I still marvel in the mystery that by me just admitting you exist and you have needs and obeying, my heart is drawn to Jesus.

You know, I truly believe that our faith is a journey, peeks and valleys, rough roads and smoother ones. And yet I also wonder how much of us is supposed to waver and how much of us are we to allow to be consumed by our culture’s hierarchy. No hippy rebellion here, just trying to live with a healthy Godly worldview. Tired of shutting my eyes in so many ways and yet finding the hope in opened eyes, despite the desperate need of the world.

It’s funny how God’s call to discipleship doesn’t necessarily mean leaving all behind will take us beyond the realms of our neighborhood physically. Though casting the net aside and following Him is still the devotion desired and required, God is opening me to the reality of being a missionary in my home. He can touch the world from our front doorstep. Oh what He has and will continue to do with a surrendered life.

I wonder how I’ve missed it in the past – been so caught up in me. It’s like the blinders have come off and the sight has returned. Jesus is so much bigger than we give Him credit. Jesus is so much bigger in this world than we see from North America. I’ve prayed for missionaries in the past, but they still felt across the seas. Today they feel like next door neighbors. And I ring their doorbells when I hit my knees in the morning.

I find myself hurting for their hurts. I find myself crying over the poor’s loss. I find myself inspired and desiring to be more obedient through the stories of the faithful and the God-exalting. Devotion stirs devotion. God’s Word seems voidless. And all that changed is my morning routine. Who would have thought that a morning routine change would make Africa feel so close? He’s changing me.

Oh the power we Christians have harnessed closely in prayer. Not the cheap brush-off kind of Prayer. I’m talking “I believe You can accomplish this” prayer. The power to hit our knees for more than a never-ending sick list. When prayer becomes more than a mode of gossip. When prayer becomes more than a “church thing”. When you start talking to your Best Friend in the mornings (and at night, and at noon.. and …) about your desire to add one more to His Kingdom. “Please, Jesus, even just this one more…”

Justice seems to matter more. Patience seems to be attainable. Prayer becomes a strategy in battle. Neighbors spread across oceans. Your heart breaks for injustice and overflows in accomplishment and joy. Love becomes more than enough if it’s done in Jesus’ Name. And discipleship feels natural when Jesus consumes your thoughts.

I don’t know if my face is glowing. I don’t really care if I scare some by the fact that I have seen God. All I know is, I don’t ever want to be the same. I don’t ever want to go back. I’m no less filthy than before, I’m just more repentant. And all I know is I want today to be a little more obedient than yesterday. That’s a starting point at least.

My heart breaks for those who have yet to see – truly see – the heart of God. Oh, Jesus… you know my prayers. Open us up, Jesus. Please, Jesus, that You would be more and more and that obedience would be our worship.

– changing.

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New Vision

I am finding myself in a new place,
Looking in the mirror and seeing a new face
hidden behind the old one.

Inside is changing,
Eyes are widening
and I don’t want to go back.

You have become real,
Your hurts, your pains
somehow I am being changed.

Before I just sent the normal,
Giving only what I had promised
now i can’t get you off my mind.

We think you,
We pray for you
we wonder how you spend your days.

And while you are an imperfect child,
In an imperfect world
we are seeing Jesus in loving you.

Lidia and Tofic,
we love you
an ocean away.

– thinking about our world vision kids again.

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Messy Truth

Isaiah 58: 6-11 –

“Is this not the fast which I choose, To loosen the bonds of wickedness, To undo the bands of the yoke, And to let the oppressed go free And break every yoke?
“Is it not to divide your bread with the hungry And bring the homeless poor into the house; When you see the naked, to cover him; And not to hide yourself from your own flesh?
“Then your light will break out like the dawn, And your recovery will speedily spring forth; And your righteousness will go before you; The glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.
“Then you will call, and the LORD will answer; You will cry, and He will say, ‘Here I am.’ If you remove the yoke from your midst, The pointing of the finger and speaking wickedness,
And if you give yourself to the hungry And satisfy the desire of the afflicted, Then your light will rise in darkness And your gloom will become like midday.
“And the LORD will continually guide you, And satisfy your desire in scorched places, And give strength to your bones; And you will be like a watered garden, And like a spring of water whose waters do not fail.”

Matthew 25: 31-46 –

“All the nations will be gathered before Him; and He will separate them from one another, as the shepherd separates the sheep from the goats;
and He will put the sheep on His right, and the goats on the left.
“Then the King will say to those on His right, ‘Come, you who are blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world.
‘For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in;
naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me.’
“Then the righteous will answer Him, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry, and feed You, or thirsty, and give You something to drink?
‘And when did we see You a stranger, and invite You in, or naked, and clothe You?
‘When did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?’
“The King will answer and say to them, ‘Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.’
“Then He will also say to those on His left, ‘Depart from Me, accursed ones, into the eternal fire which has been prepared for the devil and his angels;
for I was hungry, and you gave Me nothing to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me nothing to drink;
I was a stranger, and you did not invite Me in; naked, and you did not clothe Me; sick, and in prison, and you did not visit Me.’
“Then they themselves also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry, or thirsty, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not take care of You?’
“Then He will answer them, ‘Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to Me.’
“These will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.”

We followers of Christ are called to more than just our moment of salvation. And our evidence of our faith displayed through the fruit of our response to the poor and “the least of these” will have everlasting affects. I find it eye-opening that Christ chooses the presiding factors on which to weed the goats form the sheep to be “

For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in;
naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me,”(Matthew 25: 35-36). And here in Isaiah 58: 7 addresses directly the qualifiers of feeding the hungry, providing a home to the stranger or homeless person, and clothing the naked. This is not to imply that works are a salvation agent, but instead that a life of works for the poor is evidence of a true faith.

It is challenging to delve into the dirt and the “messy” lifestyles of others. Christ doesn’t qualify clothing the naked only if they are interested in Jesus or only if they promise to get a job to clothe themselves. Yet as Matt learned this morning through Acts 4 it should be Jesus’ name that compels us to preach and serve. And we need to be careful not just to love and provide for the poor and the needy because “you’re loved,” or “we care about you,” or even because “we just wanted to bless you,” but instead because we have come in Jesus’ name (Acts 4:10). It is Jesus that gives us the fire and the heart to run to the needy with open arms.

So today, whose name am I coming in?

And am I even coming?

– praying for eyes wide open to the Truth.

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