I had a conversation with a dear friend, …oh it must have been a few weeks ago by now. The girls were all sleeping, my friend’s kids were knocked out as well, and we enjoyed the quiet households giving us the opportunity to share in each others’ lives.
I don’t even remember quite how we got onto the subject, but we blasted back to the very beginning of our marriages. I enjoyed learning about my dear friend’s transition from her Mother’s house to making a home of her own with her husband. And it was fun to take a walk down memory lane with her back to the old one-bedroom apartment that Matt and I stepped foot in after saying our ‘I do’s.
Well after the phone conversation ended, the memories swirled.
That broken bathtub drain clogged with a washcloth so I could do the mounds of dishes piled up, evidence of no dishwasher and a cutting-board sized counter space. Two full, full-time workers and then school and then internship. The late night hours waiting for Matt to return resulting in me falling asleep on the couch.
When we got married it was not in ignorance. We had seen divorces have their affects on families and kids. We were blessed to have also seen marriages, our parents, held together by Christ and prayer. We knew the statistical odds. We knew it’d be work. And we knew it’d be worth it.
But never in my wildest dreams could I ever have imagined it’d be this good.
Here 5 years later, rocking my youngest of three daughters, the praise of our Lord pours from my heart. Thanks be to the God of firm foundations. Thanks be to the God of uniting hearts. Thanks be to the God of hope and forgiveness. Thanks be to the God who has built our marriage on Him and Him alone.
I remember my roommate and best friend at the time putting together our wedding slideshow. She gathered together the old baby pictures of Matt and I, infusing two separate stories and sharing the years of memories captured in the hearts of our friends and families in attendance. She asked me to pick the background music. A few songs came to my mind that she easily found on my music playlist. Then by some near mistake, she came across the song. The song that captured the very heart of the commitment we were offering each other. “We Build” by Nicole Nordeman.
I wanted to share this song with you, but could only find it in terms of a past flood video so please enjoy the words and ignore the pictures for the purpose of this blog. đ
“It’s bigger than we thought
It’s taller than it ought to be
This pile of rubble and ruins
The neighbors must talk
It’s the worst yard on the block
Just branches and boards where walls stood
Did it seem to you
Like the storm just knew
We weren’t quite finished with the roof
When it started?
So we build
We build
We clear away what was and make room for what will be
If you hold the nails, I’ll take the hammer
I’ll hold it still, if you’ll climb the ladder
If you will, then I will, build
On any given day
We could simply walk away
And let someone else hold the pieces
The lie that we tell
Says it’s better somewhere else
As if love flies south when it freezes
What I’m trying to say
In some clumsy way
Is that it’s you and only you for always
So we build
We build
We clear away what was and make room for what will be
If you hold the nails, I’ll take the hammer
I’ll hold it still, if you’ll climb the ladder
If you will, then I will, build
What I’m trying to say
In some clumsy way
Is that its you and only you, not just for now, not just today
But its you and only you for always
So If you hold the nails, I’ll take the hammer
I’ll hold it still, if you’ll climb the ladder
If you will, then I will, build“
“We Build” speaks of emerging from the tragic moments, the tougher trials and challenges and choosing to build. Matt and I don’t have a pessimistic view of our marriage, but we do know there will always be trials and challenges and circumstances outside of our ability to rise from.
But instead of accepting the lie that “it’s better somewhere else” we must choose to build… together.
It’s that security of choosing the mindset that “it’s you and only you, for always”. When you start there the choice is to build now or have a harder time building later. But not building is not a choice.
Matthew, I love building beside you and with you. I am blessed beyond measure at the graciousness you extend to me through Christ. Thank you for teaching me with a humble heart how to build. Thank you, Lord, for breathing your truth into our marriage. Please, Lord, help us and hold us together because it’s so easy to be “prone to wander” when we look to ourselves to keep this marriage healthy.
I wish I could convey to you the reassurance I see in his eyes. It’s something that just can’t be put into words unless you have felt that kind of commitment. So many walk into relationships with a “hope this works out” mentality. And I must tell you that not one day of our marriage have I ever, nor will I ever, fear Matthew leaving me for “something else” or “someone else.”
So many times this confidence has been laughed at as naivety or immaturity. But I find it quite the opposite. I know that Matt’s soul is the Lord’s. His commitment to me is through his level of commitment to Jesus. For it is through Christ that he is even able to offer me a lifelong commitment. And just as it is a daily denying of self for the cause of Christ, Matt has chosen to daily work on our marriage. (And I likewise).
Sometimes daily working on our marriage looks like ignoring my flaws. Sometimes it looks like grace. Sometimes it looks like holding me accountable… even when I don’t want to hear it. Sometimes it looks like sitting next to me, holding my hand and not asking me to talk. But it always looks like, no matter what the day has held for us, it always looks like snuggling each other before we fall asleep.
See, no matter how flawed and frustrated and annoyed and selfish we have been, we have chosen our “for always” here on earth to be together. It’s not a commitment that can be changed by circumstance. It was decided once … until death. And it’s that commitment that keeps us coming back to apologize. We can joke, because otherwise the next 90 years are going to be mighty quiet and frustrating if we don’t apologize now. đ
It’s hard for me to put into words. It’s hard for me to convey my appreciation, adoration and confidence in my husband’s heart. He chose our marriage in his mind. And he is one stubborn man. đ
And I’m so blessed… so very blessed to build with him… no matter what.
– we build.
