Category: life thoughts

The Romance of a Place

We loaded up and headed to a small-town church this morning. The Pastor was away for the holiday and asked Matt to fill-in preaching. There were ten people total in the congregation. Matt, I and the girls made up four. Then there was a 7 or 8 year old grandson. So once the children were dismissed and I got settled back down after changing baby’s diaper, there were a whoppin’ five in the service, including me.

The service began at 10:30a. Matt and I got delayed in our commute due to me forgetting my guitar in the shovel out the door, but ended up being the first people there at 10:20a. At 10:27a, a local attendee arrived, followed by the music leader and his grandson at 10:28a, who was able to let us into the building. At 10:32a, there were still us seven. Matt asked if we should start, smiling at the fact that our family outnumbered the attendees. We were informed to wait for more. Two more came in together, one of which was the Sunday School teacher. After introducing my girls to the nursery toy stash (praise the Lord!) the final congregation member arrived.

No one minded the toddler “praise” occurring in our row as the first 6 (seriously, SIX) hymns were sung (at least 3-4 verses a piece). And pacing in the side row with a baby on your hip didn’t even bat an eye. I was still grateful to have remembered to put away the walking toy Abi had found so amusing before the start of church. All we needed to complete the service was a melt-down over who would push the walking toy back to the nursery before the sermon. I’m not even sure if anyone would have noticed a good ole fashioned toddler fall-out tantrum. Graciousness poured from the small bunch.

No one payed any mind to the “Jesus loves me” chorus from the nearby Sunday school room amid Matt’s sermon. Rachael’s voice sailing in competition of the microphone. Giggles and running feet from the other room were merely a part of Matt’s sermon.

We ate at a local diner after church, slightly annoyed by the girls’ sugar high post snack cookies. Rachael explained how she learned about Tangled at Sunday School and that Jesus healed someone at a hospital and “another guy was forgived by Jesus because he was a bad guy”. I still have no idea what the lesson was, but the butter-rolls were a hit. The grilled-cheese sandwich partial-crusts proved their toddler success.

The drive home included one passed-out baby with head tilted toward the ceiling and a toddler zoning through slit-eyes until her body gave in. Matt chuckled as he heard snoring from the backseat. I pondered the romance of the rural country with a background of AM Radio Sunday afternoon football playing and a husband immersed. Rain fell as thoughts of the romance in working the land with your hands, keeping up with the house chores, and raising the kids consumed me. I remembered the short conversation Matt and I had as we waited outside the church, after walking the small block and looking in all the storefront windows with the girls. “What if a small store-front church called you and asked you to be the Pastor and live above the church, what would you say?” “I’d say yes,” he smiled, “As long as the apartment fit our family.” We both smiled, remembering our family motto to serve the Lord wherever He may call.

And I was reminded again that it is not the place, but the enjoyment of the romance of the place that brings such joy. Seeing the joy and delight in the everyday normals. Finding the bliss in the here and nows, even if the here and nows are drastically different from one day to the next. It’s the reminiscing on the present as if it is told in the future to a circle of grandkids. Enjoying life as it is given to you as a gift from our Father in Heaven.

I wonder if God delights in my delights.

And I know He does.

Enjoy your rainy Sunday, friends.

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Error… Recomputing.

I’m going to have to think/type quick for this post because I only have a half hour until Mike is coming to beat to death a pipe in our wall that keeps spewing forth washer drainage (mmm, yes!)

But I wanted to take a minute to share something with you, reader(s). (If you exist out there.)

Yesterday I went to get my hair trimmed. I like to go to a beauty school for a few reasons 1. Can’t beat $8 for a wash, condition and trim  and 2. Refer to #1.

While sitting and chatting with the student who was trimming my hair (kinda funny to talk with someone who’s squatting on the floor to trim your hair – guess it’s a little long these days), the student, mom of 2 preschool kids, mentioned in an outpouring of how smart kids are “these days” that she believed “parents are better parents these days, then they have been in the past.” I thought that one through for a quick second and replied, “Maybe some,” to which she semi-recanted that she agreed that not all parents were good parents.

Thinking over this concept, I’d have to personally disagree. While some new “technologies” have allowed parents to be more effective *ahem, the cloth diaper*, I personally think that the new wave of “selfish parenting” that is on the rise kind of hurts that theory. Many parents, check out the commercials, are not parenting for the benefit of their children, but instead in order to shape the child to best glorify the parent. Don’t I sound like a conservative crazy?

Just in thinking about it, so many parents dress up their kids for the soul purpose of making them look good. And then there’s the “I don’t care” population that is letting their kids control everything; the child-rearing, the marriage, the schedule.

I can imagine there must have been this same kind of thinking in every generation. But I believe, at least from my current viewpoint, that many parents are getting worse. The concept of family is drifting from “quality time around the table together” to meals in the car on the way to the massively-packed schedule that “must be kept up.”

We all pick our lifestyles. But I just have to say that the more I think about how my mom parented my sister and I, the better Mom I am. Sure she made her mistakes. But her heart was prioritizing our whole good – not just giving in to the moment to get us to shut up (though I could testify to the utter temptation at times). My mom gave up so much to invest in Jes and I. She took the extra time-consuming steps to raise us to the best of her ability. She evaluated herself and tried to leave “the bad” behind in an effort to give us her best. She didn’t idolize us, she didn’t shelter us from all consequences, she didn’t hide us away from reality. But she sure did put her heart and soul into molding us into the people we are today.

I guess if my mom were lazy, disconnected, or self-focused then I could agree with the student’s statement that just maybe my parenting could be better than my mom’s. But looking through the lens I have been so blessed to see through… I disagree. I think the beauty student spoke in error. I don’t think parents are better parents these days, then they have been in the past. I believe it is the job of every parent to submit to Christ and then let your parenting be an outpouring of your heart of service.

Thanks, Mom, for helping me catch that error.

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Domestic Me

(cue music) “Watch this is so fun to see. Oh… despicable me…”

Well, maybe not despicable, but certainly domestical me. =) Alright, alright… just “domestic me”.

When Rachael was 11 months old I “retired” from the working world and became a homemaker, housewife, and wonderfully unemployed me. Beginning my second trimester of Abi-pregnancy goodness and keeping track of my 11 month old at the time was a whole new challenge. It’s been a learning curve as we’ve gone through different stages and new challenges have arisen throughout the past two years. There have been moments of tears and moments of great triumph in mastering a regular order to the house and intentionally offering myself to my kids. Matt has been more than generous in lending a hand to keep things going during the “newborn: will we even get sleep again?” phase, the Abi-crying phase, and the various challenges in balancing life and kids. I could not have asked for a greater teammate at life.

With increased balance and mastery of the house/child rearing, I have taken on a few “projects” of my own. I am finding the utter delight in mastering and contributing to my family through my “projects”. The laundry/cleaning was one of my projects – finding that attainable balance of daily contribution and preventing the utter pile-up.

 – multi-tasking –

Homeschooling is one of my projects. And while it certainly will become a necessity in educating the kids, right now it is such a fun research, curriculum writing adventure of being intentional to instill Christ (to the best of my ability) in my kids. Christ is the one who takes up residence in somone’s heart, but I sure can be intentional about watering and planting.

And then there’s my very recent project: diapering. My sister in law, Ellen, was wonderfully kind to allow me the borrowed use of my nephew’s old cloth diapers. Now while cloth diapering may sound ridiculous to some, disposable diapers are quite expensive and for an investment upfront (which thanks to Ellen was near nothing for us this far), you can diaper and re-diaper for “free”. “Free” includes the regular price of laundry soap (really it’s about a load or two more per week since the diapers can go through with your regular laundry). I’m trying out cloth diapering after Abi’s repetitive rashes, highly irritable skin, and the luxury of being available to tend to her diaper needs promptly if need be. But thus far, count me in that crazy bracket. =)

It’s all about trying to do better with what you are responsible to do. Christ has given me the wonderful chance to serve Him through my family and I have to say… it really is a blessing.

Thanks, dear blog, for letting me share a slice of my domestic life here.

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Who’s control is in Control?

You know, I just wanted to take a moment to bring up the interesting conversation/battle of birth control into the topic ring.

I have many times heard the birth control method argued by Christians to be “responsible” and “enabling you to control when you have a kid to best care for the child.” I have also heard the conservative approach, and even “excessively” conservative approach argued that “we’ll take whatever the Lord gives us.”

I find this conversation interesting in terms of the Duggar’s new announcement that they are pregnant with their 20th child. So many feel challenged by that information and often throw in their two cents of, “those people are ridiculous” judgement. I could easily find myself in that camp when my kids are obnoxious. I could also find myself in the “test of faith” camp wondering how many other feminist thoughts we are going to try to justify by the Word because the thought of not controlling our family feels uncomfortable and we want to feel justified with our level of control.

Matt and I have had this conversation many times and probably will continue to have this conversation as we continue to surrender our family to the Lord. I agree with him that birth control, whether it be abstaining during your ovulation cycle or a non-abort-effasive method, in many instances can be very responsible. I think it can also be very wrong. I think it boils down to the heart, which is what the Word seems to bring me back to.

Am I saying, “no, I don’t want You plan over my own,” to the very one I call Lord? Am I saying, “it’s not convenient,” and viewing children as the “burden” that first began the feminist movement of birth control? Is my heart in line with what God says about kids? Is my mind with Christ’s on valuing and delighting in children? And does not being on birth control really mean that I’m going to end up with 30 kids? What about Hannah? Or those in the Bible that were barren? Or those in the Bible that only had a handful of kids?

Or am I using my “faith” in God’s plan as a cop-out? Am I being irresponsible in ignoring the things we so clearly know about women’s bodies and how and when contraception is at it’s most harvest-filled time? Am I being selfish in wanting a particular number of kids and controlling in being non-controlling?

The battle is in the heart. And the surrender, on either side of the argument, is in the heart. But what I do know is that God calls us to self-sacrifice. His Will in exchange for our will. And His Will stretches us and is not comfortable because it defies our fleshly nature. His Will challenges and grows us. And while we can still be Christians and still be controlling, I just know one thing… the Judge looks at the heart to determine who is and who is not sacrificing in worship and evidence of their faith.

Paul states it this way in the Word, that all things are permissible for us, but not all things are good (or beneficial). It is important to weigh out the consequences of either side of this “birth control” argument and surrender our families fully to the Lord. For He even said, “Why do you call me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ and do not do what I say?” (Luke 6:46).

We need to be certain His motives are ours in all things, the make-up of our family included.

– to God be the Glory.

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More of Jesus

You know, I was thinking today about what it will be like to be nearest to Jesus. I can’t possibly fathom what it will be like to see Him for the first time. And quiet honestly, just thinking about it makes me miss Him so much.

Do you get like that? Where you think about how awesome Jesus is and just want to find yourself wrapped up in His arms? It’s not that your family isn’t wonderful. You’re not in some pity-me moment. And it’s not a self-loathing moment either. Your day is good, maybe even great, and you just miss Jesus. He hasn’t gone anywhere, but something deep inside… something that can’t be satisfied just wants to run into His arms.

Something inside you wants to stay in His arms and catch up on the ‘remember when’s of this journey. You just want to snuggle in deep and hear Him breathing. You just want to feel His embrace – you know that has to feel amazing.

God is no less real on this side of the New Jerusalem. God is no less present and no less enough than He is. The I AM is still the I AM. And there are days that I wish I could just hug Him. No one has been closer to me than Jesus. And no one ever will be.

The closest thing I can think of how my face will be is comparable to this little girl’s face when she looks up from her classroom work to see her Daddy standing there, newly returned home from the war.

http://www.godvine.com/Daddy-Gives-his-Daughter-a-Heartwarming-Surprise-at-School-764.html

With tears in my eyes I can say that yes… Jesus is well worth it.

-Keeping my eyes on the Prize.

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"…Going to Training"

My two year old told my one year old in the middle of her afternoon play, “You watch my babies and I’ll go to training and be back soon.”

Can you tell we’ve been doing our foster/adoptive training for a good while now.

And alas, I finished my last class tonight. Funny how 36 hours can feel like a lifetime.

The final class brings a relief and yet a bit of fear too. You see, God told us to get our license. So we have. We’ve tried to be good kids. But as we finish this process up, it’s kind of like standing on a cliff after climbing the hill in obedience. It’s not a fear of someone pushing you off, God has more love than that. But it sure gives you a thrill at God’s prospect of saying, “Jump… trust me…”

It’s like that moment at the top of a roller-coaster hill when you have that split second somewhere between, “This was a good idea, right?!” and “BRING IT!!!” It’s that healthy wondering of what the horizon will reveal.

So much change has happened to our family over the past 6 months, from no longer watching Lexi to temporarily watching Kevin, to God adjusting our plans multiple times and reminding us that He is more than capable of using any situation to grow and change our family, to babysitting Mom’s cats and then ending up adding one of the cats to our crew, to getting into the swing of homeschool and delighting in Rachael soaring in her learning. We just never know what’s on the horizon. And it’s so exciting not to have the “this will be out of God’s control” fear that comes from a lack of faith, but instead to have a butterflied feeling of excitement and anticipation for what we have yet to see.

It’s like holding your breath and trusting that God will instruct you when to breathe before it’s too late – even if it gets a bit uncomfortable at times. He knows what He is doing. And He sure is moving.

Matt still has a class to go in 3 weeks and then our collective training classes will be complete. We have our list of things still left to get done before getting the final stamp of approval from the county before sending the application to the State for a completed license. But with all that being said, our application/license should be complete around Christmas. Christmas, people!!!! That may feel a bit far away when you look at Halloween and Thanksgiving coming up first, but when you think about the fact that i have started Christmas shopping/looking….. eeeeeek, people!!!! That’s in a blink of an eye.

God is so good to us. God has blessed us so. And I’m feeling like a little kid in a toy store as this adoption process is becoming more of a reality. Whooooo! Stand back and check out what God will do…!!!!!

We’ll be standing beside you, checking it all out and applauding His Greatness,

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