Category: life thoughts

Communicating Worth

I have recently been reminded of the value of communicating worth in each conversation.

We’ve all been there: standing beside a person on the phone who just interrupted your conversation to “take this” obviously unpressing phone call. We get the “just a minute” hand motion. Or talking to someone and realising that they are just waiting for you to stop talking so they can continue to share their story. Or maybe it’s the “I know you are dying to know all about me” people who never seem to ask you anything about your day.

It all boils down to expressing worth.

We want to feel valued in a mutual conversation. I want to feel like there is a reason to stand face-to-face, not so I can watch you text on your new iPhone. You value me being there. You want to spend time with me. And that’s why you are here… and so am I.

I think we have endangered ourselves with the “I’m always available” age. If you can get ahold of me 24/7 that means whomever I am with needs to take a number. While certainly having access to Matt is a wonderful part of our day – sharing in silly signs that I have passed on my walk with the kids, or that random phone call to share what our crazy toddler just said. And yet there is an oddity and a distance that waiting causes in a relationship when “I just have to take this call” happens.

We’ve all done it and returned to the “now where were we?” moment. But I have been reminded once again that sometimes that moment has passed and static is left on the line.

It makes me evaluate how I communicate their worth to others when in a conversation. Rachael and Abi will always interrupt – they’re not perfect- but I am communicating your worth to me by putting them on hold for you. I am saying, “I value you” by turning off the TV when you call. And I am saying, “You matter to me” by being present during our conversation.

The call can wait. The text can wait.

You matter.

I chose to be here with you.

– hope I can continue to make a conscious effort to be present … in spite of life. =)

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Reflective Rain

Today is a raining, thinking day. Ever had those? Seems like I get my best quiet thoughts done on rainy days. Maybe it’s because the weather forces us to stay indoors. Maybe it’s because staying indoors produces chores-work, which allows for individual kids play which, thus contributes to quiet thinking time.

[We’re on the rebound from a stomach virus here on the homestead. Thus, I am washing everything anyone who was infected may have even looked at while they were sick. We don’t want any revisitors.]

Rain kept us sitting in the car a little longer than usual at our destinations today, listening to the comforting melodies of Sara Groves’ new Cd. Something about the rain and Sara Groves that makes the world’s spinning feel a little more slow and manageable. Quieter… easier… slower…. ever mom’s dream?

Just been thinking today. Pondering the Word and it’s application in our world. Thinking about where God has our little crew and where He is taking us. This journey always brings up memories of sappy Mother-treasures and lonely valleys. Nope, not depressing things, just a day and a time to ponder.

 I was told over the weekend that I am a good Mom. And I wonder what constitutes being a good Mom?

Is it that I have sacrificed my social life for runny noses and dirty diapers?
Is it handing in concert nights for middle-of-the-night fevers and vomit crew?
Is it making the choice to “give up dreams” to have kids – as if kids are not purpose in themselves?
I wonder how we measure a good mom these days?
Does that mean I’m old fashioned and therefore strike a chord with someone else struggle to find their identity among piles of laundry?
Am I one of those “traditional” moms who keep to themselves and don’t let anyone into their corner of crazy?
Or am I a newfangled, “my baby must wear the finest”, selfish Mom who is too busy taking pictures of their kid to interact?
Maybe I’m a mixture of all or none in any given moment.

What constitutes a good Mom?

I’m not asking for props to be given to me. Just wondering how I classify a good mom.
Does a good mom mean her kids are quiet? What if quiet is a byproduct of fear?
Does a good mom mean her house is clean? What if she never plays with her kids?
Sure there are the balances and the moments of “we’re just going to get ice cream and ignore the dirty bathroom”. But maybe a good mom is one that knows her weaknesses – however many- and tries to parent her child to not carry on those same weaknesses.

I was asked if I would want someone to follow my example. Is it bad to say “no?” There are so many better examples out there. So many closer Christians to Christ that could give you a much better glimpse of the Perfect Example. Maybe it’s better for you to follow those examples, cause seriously you could end up with the fruit I have if you follow my example.

What constitutes a good Mom?

Is Jesus a qualifier?

Hope so.

Thinking about the Proverbs woman (Proverbs 31) – yowza! Did she do all that stuff in one day? Or is it more a synopsis of her week – or weeks. Maybe I’m not such a good mom afterall. Or maybe thinking I’m a good Mom will stunt my growth toward being a good Mom. Is the aim to be a good Mom? Or is that a byproduct of wanting more of Jesus?

Hope so.

– Moments of reflection.

Don’t we all need a day like that?

Hope you are finding your soothing rainy day soon.

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National Emergecy

It’s hard to believe it has been ten years already. I remember it like it was yesterday: coming into my high school class to a CNN broadcast. It was ironic to have the TV on in the first place, but I took my regular seat. There was a building with smoke billowing out of it and I remember thinking, “What country is that cause it looks surprisingly like New York?” No one in the class spoke, excluding the hallway chatter before the bell rang. The teacher stood speechless, glued to the TV. She wrote our assignment on the board, clearly not paying any attention to her crooked writing while remaining attentive to the TV screen. We all wrote down our assignment in our usual programmed way. I saw the second plane hit in real time. I wondered why anyone would run a drill like this. Didn’t they know how much fear they could instill. Then it hit me – our country was under attack.

Today is a mixed-bag of feelings with the shock of the 10 year anniversary of 9-11. It’s a mixture of sadness and yet the odd normalcy of the happiness of a beginning a new day. It’s that eerie haunting oddity of the tragedy… in the face of the new life and rebirth of today. In so many ways it still feels surreal, even though I have visited ground zero and seen the footage. It still feels like a bad movie sometimes, this disconnect from New York since we are “so far away.” And yet now that my horizons have broadened, New York doesn’t feel as far away as it used to feel. In other ways it feels dangerously close – too close.

I’m not sure I ever got over the shock of 9-11. I know that I am blessed to not have to personally grieve for the direct loss of family or friends due to the tragedy. Last night I listened to the recorded audio transpondings amid airports and the cockpits of the 4 hijacked planes. Maybe it’s because I was so young – merely a Sophomore in high school that made the whole thing feel oddly small for a while. My world felt smaller compared to the things I know and understand today. I couldn’t even drive, people, so seriously my world consisted of a town-radius. It was odd how I felt the fear of “they’re on our soil” and yet the safety of “we’re not nearby anything governmental.” I didn’t know Wright-Patt Air force Base was in Dayton.

And then I remember seeing the footage of what looked like New York City was on fire after the Towers fell…

It is still quite overwhelming. It brings tears to my eyes at times, now that I know more to the magnitude.

My eyes have been slowly opened to parts of the breadth of the tragedy and I have become slightly less shell-shocked. I wonder if there were any children on the planes. I wonder how terrifying it would be to look up from your desk nearby New York’s tallest buildings and see your neighboring building “on fire” or witness the second plane hit. I can’t imagine the wives and husbands and Mothers sitting by the phone praying for the “I’m okay” phone call that never came.

My heart goes out to the families of the victims of 9-11. I don’t really have words to say, but I offer my silence and my prayers in honor and remembrance of September 11, 2001.

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A Call to a Challenge

You know, I have found the joy in praying for over-seas missions. What a wonderful job that we States-bound Christians can do! And yet I have discovered something unexpected along this journey of doing what God tells me to do… I miss Theresa Reed. It’s funny how close Jos, Nigeria feels some days, and yet there is a truth that we cannot get past… it’s not next door.

There are times when I just want to walk next door with a plate of cookies. Or I just want to poke my head in and see how things are going and what more I can pray for. Or I just wish the delay of information and the silence were not so thick at times. Sure I am living in the “get information now” generation. I can’t even imagine what Rowland’s Bingham’s family did as they waited for weeks on end just to find out if Rowland had made it to Africa – let alone survived the next day. So i know I am spoiled by Will and Theresa’s blog and emails. But there are days that it’s not enough. There are days that I just want to run over there… and maybe never come back (don’t worry, I’d bring my family. hehehe).

Maybe that’s my missionary heart speaking.

I have found along the road of sponsoring Tofic and Lidia that I just want to give them a hug some days. I’m still a stranger in many aspects, but they are a huge part of my life and my thoughts and my prayers.

We got a letter from Tofic yesterday – the smile was unerasable (that may not be a real word, but you get the point). I am so blessed by that little boy and the prospect of loving him from afar. I may never meet him, but I pray for his salvation daily. We talk about him frequently – not because I’m some weirdo stalker (ahem) but because he matters to me. He is a life worthy of investment for the Kingdom’s sake. And God called me to love him and I don’t know how to do that half-heartedly.

But some days it just feels too far away. I want to be there. I want to feel the dirt in the air. I want to hug Theresa. I want to see with my own eyes and breathe it all in with my own lungs…

And yet I have the utter blessing and privilege of praying for them all, which in turn makes me feel so much closer.

…

Anyway… I just wanted to comment on the irony and challenge of distance amongst believers and their mission field.

– love to my little Lidia, football-loving Tofic, and giving-it-all Will and Theresa.

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Cup Runneth Over

I was talking to Matt on our vacation – I know, CRAZY. And one night I just busted out a new revelation (brace yourselves) that I am satisfied with where God has me.

Have you ever had that revelation. not an I’m comfortable with my devotion level and therefore going to plateau. But just a joy and a satisfaction with exactly where God has you and is teaching you and is growing you. I hope you feel that every day.

It’s funny but it’s so easy to become over-booked and exhausted by “too much to do that won’t get done” or the hard parts of life that I don’t step back and enjoy the ride. It really is a joy. And I think that while it is challenging, God has blessed me beyond measure. My cup runneth over for sure.

Have you ever stopped to ponder your blessings? Not just the amount of stuff you have in your house, though a good wake-up call to just how blessed we are by what we have is a sobering experience. But also to the extent of enjoying the purpose God has placed before you. Do you feel like your cup is overflowing with goodness from the Lord?

Maybe you too need a refresher here and there. It’s so easy to look at the “too much” of life and find yourself overwhelmed or discouraged by those “am I ever going to learn this” lessons. Maybe you are too overbooked and over-extended that you have created a stress that hinders you from serving the Lord wholeheartedly and joyfully. I was in that mode for a while too. Declutter and get back to the basics. God doesn’t have us here to do 2,000 things, but to do things wholeheartedly and well. Accomplish Kingdom work with purpose and intentionality. I’ve found that as i have slimmed down to the core things God wants me to do (identified through prayer and God’s priority revealing) it’s like a weight has lifted off and I have become a better Mom and wife and Christian.

God is not here to serve me. He’s not alive to rescue me from my self-imposed stressors. He’s not a sugar-daddy God handing out blessings void of hard lessons. As Christians it’s important to continue to evaluate how much we are serving God verses expecting or desiring to be served by God. And in this evaluation expectations change.

I have found God growing me from a complainer (to be honest) to a thanker. As God has grown my heart of gratitude and opened my eyes (Thanks be to God!), I have been convicted and cleansed and begun to serve Him better right where I am. The situation has changed only in minor ways, but my heart is so less self-pleasing and self-seeking.

Therefore, I find myself satisfied and overwhelmed by the blessings God has already given me. My family, my friends, fellow real Christians to spur me on to God-worship and away from self-worship, my country, my freedoms, my status that I may help and encourage others… the list could go on for days.

A few weeks back – wow, I think it’s been over a month- Rachael and Abi (sort of) and I went around the house and put a post-it label on everything we were thankful for God giving us. In an effort to learn gratitude and that God is taking care of us, I was hoping to start planting more intentional seeds of God-honoring. The post-its littered our house for weeks until they lost their sticky and were one-by-one moved to the world of waste. =) But it opened my eyes to all the physical blessings that surround our family and that God has provided. There was something changing about walking into a room covered in “Thank you, God” post-it notes. Alters the way things are seen.

So how is your cup running over?

What are ways that God has blessed you?

And how are you using those blessings not to worship yourself, but to worship the Lord?

– humbled, blessed, taught and changed.

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Jehovah Jira

“Jehovah Jira” – God the Provider.

Exhortation. A spiritual gift of encouragement. Exhortation is designed that another brother or sister in Christ would not just receive a pat on the back or a high five, though those are nice, but that a brother or sister in Christ would be spurred on toward Christ in the equation. Encouragement that after the transaction the sibling in Christ would be more like iron sharpening iron, not for the purpose of pointing out flaws and being judgment, but instead for pointing out Christ-like behaviors and encouraging martyr-like faith moments. A pressing on and encouraging of a brother or sister in Christ to run the good race, fight the good fight and keep the faith. Exhortation.

I’ve heard the argument time and again that women, especially, are in need of encouragement. Women are the “unsung” heroes of the kitchen (have you tasted my cooking? HA!), the martyrs in the home and the “unrecognized” population that keeps the household together. Therefore, I have heard the argument that women need “me-time” to recharge their batteries. Who doesn’t like a little me-time, right? But while I too feel the comforts of the words roll off my lips and the overwhelming “agreed” label stamped on that statement, I wonder at it Biblically. Where in the Bible does it guarantee us a right or a just duty to “me-time”?

Please don’t hear me wrong; recharging MUST occur for a woman to serve God through her family. But in everywhere that I have read and experienced in my life that recharging does not come from pedicures, massages (oooh, but sign me up!) and pampering days, but from the Lord.

I think we have begun to look at it a little backward. We have women’s conferences to “recharge our batteries” and women’s events to “press us on” and encourage our beaten down hearts. First off, I have nothing against corporate exhortation. It’s nice to be among like-minded people and there certainly can be value to having an “I have been there” crowd of experience. But there is a deeper sweep that we must be careful of as women in Christ. This sweep in women’s events says, “You deserve this” and “you need this” and “you need me-time through this conference”. Here’s the heart issue: where in Proverbs 31 does it state that the woman is seeking her-time? The premise of “I need me-time” is a heart of dissatisfaction. I am not happy with where I am and how things are, therefore I need a respite. It’s not to say that the weak need a break, but it is to say that the context of “women’s events” is often that we are overworked, exhausted with our responsibilities and pulled apart by our requirements. To me that is nothing like the Proverbs woman. The proverbs woman isn’t staying up late at night to get stuff done because she has to. She isn’t waking up earlier than her family because someone has a gun to her head. She is joyful. She loves her role in Christ. She adores her family. Her love compels her to service. Her desire for God compels her to real life.

Are you tired, women? Are you overbooked? Are you swimming in too much service to your family and your friends and your community? Do you feel like you’re expected to be everywhere at once and do everything to everyone? Or are you flowering where you have been planted? Do you view your motherhood and your wifehood as a wonderful opportunity to serve the Lord? I’m not talking about a Snow-White moment, but I am talking about Joy coming in the morning! (And no, that’s not only for morning people. =]).

I would challenge the “need” for women’s ministry events to “recharge your batteries” and for large women’s conferences to “rebuild yourself” and “endure for the next year.” I think that’s a wrong view. The only recharging we need is Jesus – not some elaborate concert or run-down of exhausting speaker lists that leave us in emotion and physical need of a respite from our respite. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to have a worship set that helps us see beyond our window of Christian women. It’s really neat to look out over a crowd and see a sea of women giving their hearts to the Lord. In some ways it feels like a little glimpse of Heaven-worship. But those concert and event junkies and even we semi-junkies need more of Jesus. We need to lose the “this is what I deserve or need to endure my Christian faith” thought. Do we really believe the Word is all we need? Was that even in the running of how to regain strength?

I’m going to step out on a limb here and say that if you are not enjoying your role as a wife or a mom and are finding it more draining than a “look forward to” experience then you need to evaluate your devotion times. Are you viewing God’s gift of being a woman of faith correctly? Are you prioritizing the Word in your daily life? Are you seeking God as your only source of strength to renew your mind and change your heart? Or are you looking toward concerts, women’s events and big gatherings to find your steam?

It is so dangerous to think of needing a “once a month” or “twice a year” event to define your Christian walk when the very Words of Life sit in multiple copies on your bookshelf.

Again, there is value in women’s events. There certainly can be moments of Christ-honoring and self-sacrificing exhortation (and there can also be moments of “we need to control our tongue” that we always need to be looking out for). But we need to be VERY careful at making sure events are not advertised and feeding this “renewal” policy if we are at the same time making the claim that Jesus is more than enough. Events can have renewing qualities, certainly, but that is the job of the Holy Spirit administering through the Word of God that is present at the event.

Is Jehovah Jira enough?

Today, in this moment is Jehovah Jira enough?

It is a daily question. “Am I proving You are enough today, Lord?” Does my speech reflect my dependence on You? Do my thoughts about my husband and children reflect how sustaining and rewarding of a God You are to bless me with such responsibility? How about the way I respond to correcting my children, what does that say about what I believe about You?

Living a life of faith and being a Proverbs 31 woman pushes us to say, “in this moment, I surrender what I think I deserve for Your mind, Lord.” And then to repeat that phrase in the next moment. and the next. and the next throughout the day. It’s not about playing a role, but receiving your ministry from the Lord. For when I view motherhood and wifehood and house-keeper-hood (a technical term) through God’s lenses they are not exhausting. Sure my body needs rest, God’s seven day model proved the need for rest. And rest I must find and make. But my role does not become a hindrance of a burden when I shed all the other 48,572,865,728,067,580,267 ministries that ask of me and put worship into serving God through my family. Because out of my worship God through serving my family comes serving the poor and needy, praying for the Body of Christ, seeking opportunities to serve others and encourage others in their faith, God-opened eyes to the dying world, and a righteous walk in the Lord. Isn’t that what we want? Daily lifestyle worship?

Jehovah Jira! You are more than enough! You provide all that I need and so much more!

Thank You, Lord.

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