U Univeristy

We’re all in danger of it… it lurks around every corner… and suddenly you are enrolled in it… when you least expect it:

U University.

My eyes are increasingly opened to the sad truth that while we all struggle with U University, there is an overwhelming amount of people that choose to be permanently enrolled. We can get our degree in drama, or the American dream, or even humanitarian acts and still be enrolled in U University.

I was saddened recently to have my eyes opened to the affects of U University. I often use that term with my toddler when she’s having a selfish moment. She doesn’t get it, but it helps me to identify it and try to eliminate it from my life as much as possible this side of the New Jerusalem.

It doesn’t surprise me when the lost act like the lost. But it does break my heart when the “saved” act like the U University of the lost.

We can call it teenage drama to help us pretend like our kid’s 4 year enrollment in U University is normal. We can call it “college age” to help us write off their disinterest in anyone but themselves. Or we can fess up and realize that U Universities serve U Universities and result in wasted time and space.

Please hear my correctly, I struggle with U University just as much as the next guy, but self-control shouldn’t be thrown out the window because we all struggle with it. It would be like making rape permissible because there are so many cases of it in our country.

It’s in times of U University that I find myself desiring to be the Holy Spirit. “Snap out of yourself!” I want to holler at a Christian, “Look outside of you! Are you here to serve yourself? What does that communicate about God?” And while guiding someone in love and compassion is much different than hollering, I am glad there have been Holy Spirit convictions in my life and not only “I am representing the Holy Spirit wrongly” volunteers.

I’ve seen a good host of self-proclaiming Christian examples of U University: those angry at their friend’s efforts to celebrate their birthday, those constantly playing the drama card to remain in the spotlight, those playing the superior game to reside in others’ minds, those constantly seeking more for their families and always complaining about how little they have… sound like anyone you know?

Sadly, we all know them. And many times we are those people.

But God has so much more for us.

It continues to blow my mind at how true the Proverb is: “Sheol and Abaddon are never satisfied, nor are the eyes of man ever satisfied.” [Proverbs 27:20]

Sheol is “the nether world” and Abaddon is “the place of destruction”. They are always seeking more to come and reside. And just as the broad path is so much easier and so much more comfortable and so much more appetizing, so are man’s eyes never satisfied.

That proverb is sobering when I start my U University thoughts. I will never be satisfied – my flesh will never be satisfied, therefore, I MUST self-discipline and deny self for Christ to be alive in me.

A challenge…. and a lifestyle emerge.

“And He [Christ] was saying to them all, ‘If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake, he is the one who will save it. For what is man profited if he gains the whole world, and loses or forfeits himself?” (Luke 9:23-25)

August 13, 2011 0

Good Stewardship

Every time I hear the word I think of a dollar sign: Good Stewardship. Growing up I always thought this had to do with your tithes and offerings and making sure you were a good steward of your money – AKA giving your money to the church and generally not being selfish when the offering plate rolls around. It’s like somewhere on the plate there was the engraving, “A good Christian gives abundantly because ‘it all belongs to God.”

How many times have you heard that phrase, “It all belongs to God.” I can recall primarily hearing that phrase from those wanting to borrow money after spending their own on a new pair of shoes for themselves. Or there was that one time that I remember hearing that phrase roll off the tongue of a young mom as she overwhelmed her kids with loads of Christmas presents and filled 1 or 2 Operation Christmas Child shoes boxes. It all belongs to God…. is my life proving that?

Good stewardship.

I’ve been reading a lot lately (condolences to my sister who read 58 chapter books in a contest and failed to win the Nook prize). I’ve been doing some studying, as mentioned before, and generally filling my post-kid-bedtime time with some 10+ books while watching Matt’s new football video game out of the corner of my eye. The themes are running together. The suggestions good, but a bit overwhelming at times. And the tones of the books range from “grab your torch and pitch-forks!” to “homeschooling is a preference.” But one theme, sadly, has only arrived in one of the 10 homeschooling books I read( even though a good handful of them were “Christian” in nature) : Good Stewardship.

It’s not the “Go Green because we’re running out” good stewardship, but the “be thankful for what God has given you – cuz it’s not yours” good stewardship. Yet it didn’t stop there…

What about our time? We like to call it God’s, but have we sat down and realised what we are communicating through our time?

What am I saying to Rachael through the time I spend Online verses the time she sees me doing house chores? (My husband’s too nice to say an amen to that statement.) What am I communicating to my mom and Rachael and Abi when they see the green pool water out the window because I haven’t made time to get to it yet? What about our overgrown weeds in the front flowerbeds? How about the wrinkled laundry? How about when we spend all day running around doing errands and we don’t have time to play together? Now I’m not saying I’m a crazy slob who doesn’t do house chores, but I am saying there is much to be said in how you spend your time.

This is not some big guilt trip. This is evaluation.

What am I communicating to God about how I value what He has given me?

What do I feel I deserve?
Should I feel I deserve things?

Matt and I spent some date night time together last night. It was nice to do something one-on-one that wasn’t an adoption class. We’ve been trying not to stress out our family by leaving the kids with sitters 3 nights per week between the adoption classes and Wednesday church so we took a mild break from date nights and included the girls in our date nights for the past few weeks. We will be done with 2 per week adoption classes this week, but the value of knocking them out before Matt’s schooling begins and between vacations was deemed higher than date nights. (Don’t judge me, we exchanged adoption classes spent together for date night for 3 weeks. lol)

So last night we were talking about life and getting back on the same page and sipping couponed smoothies – mmmmmmmm. And we just talked about life and training up our kids in righteousness and serving the Lord and how it matters what we do to convey Jesus to our kids and whatever future kids God may add to our family. It was nice. Reaffirming. And right.

I think God is pleased with what we communicated through that use of our time.

And while we have more time and resources and actions and service to constantly be in evaluation of, it’s not for the sake of being a super-Christian. It’s for the sake of communicating clearly and deliberately that we are grateful and blessed and appreciative of God’s provision, through time, finances, children, blessings. And we have been entrusted 2 children, thus far, to train in righteousness – that Christ would be exalted louder from under this roof.

Funny how when you think about teaching a child, God schools you.

Thank you, Jesus.

August 2, 2011 0

Like Africa Does It

So due to the heat wave – mmmm, yes (dripping with sarcasm)- we have been entertaining ourselves indoors. And also due to the heat wave my poor littlest one has a won’t-go-away-and-very-painful diaper rash (yes we went to the DR. and got some helpful cremes) that is thriving on the heat and moisture. While I try to introduce my children to God’s worldview through our missions wall and talking about God’s work around the world, I wouldn’t have anticipated Africa to be visiting our hygienic living. So we’ve been doing life like Africa does it for my little Abi-bare-bum.

Abi being bare bummed means we are spending a lot of time playing with washable large Legos on the kitchen floor. Thus, I introduce you to our Lego creations:

Mommy’s creation” “The Garden of Eden”

Rachael’s creation: “A Wonderful Cage”

Abi’s creation: “Destruction”

(she’s more into the abstract arts.)

And for obvious modesty reasons, baby girl is not pictured beside her creation.

In other news:

Matt and I are 1/2 way through our adoption trainings. And can I just say here that while obedience to God’s call in our lives is a wonderful thing, these classes can be like PULLING TEETH for our social work majored, my foster care worker past and our “we can really read the policy manual too” annoyances. But alas…. perseverance, friends, perseverance.

We headed out to Aunt Jes’ work picnic/festivities. And I will post an entire post to that goodness. But let me just say here that it was a BLAST!

We got a bunkbed set off freecycle for the whopping price of $0. And while we need to purchase a ladder to accommodate the set when we plan on bunking it, I’d say free is an awfully nice price.

O, and then there’s this critter, who has enjoyed the freedoms of our preparation of our guest bedroom (second kid bedroom) to receive whomever God is adding to our family. Yeah, this freedom-seeker, took to contemplation atop of our queen box-spring before it found a new home elsewhere (the box-spring and mattress found a new home, not our cat… I promise….).

Jungle-boy!

So that’s us lately!

On the horizon:

our first family mission trip – tagging along on the youth mission trip. We hope not to be a distraction, but to delight in Jesus together, while we still get our NEEDED naps in. =)
Home assessor – whom I LOVE- makes her first home visit the day after we return from our mission trip. And yes she will see our parenting of our crazy-off-schedule kids then.
Family vacation to Myrtle beach 7 days after returning from the mission trip – no we’re not COMPLETELY insane, but yes we are driving… for 13 hours… with a 1 and 2 year old.
Then Matt starts back to seminary for the Fall semester. I’ve been so use to his break that it’s going to be a real adjustment.
And intermixed in that 4 week span we will be completing the remaining adoption classes (three hours a piece of “joy” – refer to above commentary).
And then by mid-September we will be completed with classes, waiting for our homestudy to be finished in 1-2 months post our class completion and then praying and waiting for our phone calls.
Oh yes and add in some serious closet cleaning and repainting of our second kid bedroom amidst all that – and beginning some homeschooling amidst that as well…..

IT’S GONNA BE GREAT!!!!!!

July 30, 2011 0

Because it Matters

My heart is overwhelmed with the joys of our nap-time missions readings, following my dear friend, Theresa’s blog, and witnessing the small pieces coming together in terms of our adoption. “How beautiful are the feet of those that bring good news…”

Read something interesting in terms of worldviews and the shaping of them. An excerpt from the “Christian Home School” book I’ve been reading by Gregg Harris reaffirmed what Matt and I have witnessed in textbooks; “These studies make it abundantly clear that public school textbooks commonly exclude the history, heritage, beliefs, and values of millions of Americans. Those who believe in the traditional family are not represented. Those who believe in free enterprise are not represented. Those whose politics are conservative are almost unrepresented. Above all, those who are committed to their religious tradition-at the very least of as an important part of the historical record-are not represented.

Even those who uphold the classic or republican virtues of discipline, public duty, hard work, patriotism, and concern for others are scarcely represented. Indeed, the world of those virtues long advocated by believers, as well as deists and skeptics such as Thomas Paine, Benjamin Franklin, and Thomas Jefferson, is not found here. Even what one might call the “noble pagan” has ample reason to reject these inadequate and sentimentalized books which seem to be about an equal mixture of pop and propaganda.

Over and over, we have seen that liberal and secular bias is primarily accomplished by exclusion, by leaving out the opposing position. Such a bias is much harder to observe than a positive verification or direct criticism, but it is the essence of censorship. It is effective not only because ti is hard to observe-it isn’t there-and therefore hard to counteract, but also because ti makes only the liberal, secular positions familiar and plausible. As a result the millions of Americans who hold conservative, traditional, and religious positions are made to appear irrelevant, strange, on the fringe, old-fashioned, reactionary.” (quote by Professor Vitz in a study of textbooks in the American public classroom).

If you are still with me after that in-places-a-bit-heady quote (sorry I didn’t warn you), please allow me to sum it up. Many textbooks portray one side of events in a persuasive manner to sway their readers to agree with particular sides of historical platforms or particular thought-processes about historical events. Therefore, while in a history class the topics of teaching are indeed historical, the biases are not being taught in fair playing fields. So when liberal agendas are the norm, the student concludes that traditional or conservative agendas are “out-dated” and that there is no value in entertaining such ideas.

This is an interesting argument that is running rampant in our culture and many other cultures. In many societies elders are considered to be wise and useful and full of experience. But in “new-age” thinking remaining young is an ideal – college students marking many backings of political change – – look at who the targeted voting age is? Age is considered “past your prime”, I mean take the hair-dye industry as an example. If it was honorable to grow in age and maturity and wisdom I wonder if so many would try so desperately to look young?

Beyond that there comes the Christian scope of thinking in which we just need to be aware of the biases coming through teaching. I’m not arguing that all students are corrupted and warped by the public school system – seriously, I would be a victim. But I am arguing that in family conversation around the dinner table we need to know what we are up against in terms of the past 8 hours of our child’s education.

Worldviews slip in from anywhere and everywhere. We, Christians, must apply ourselves to willingly accept and reject those things that make our seeking for obedience to Truth successful. This is no doom and gloom post, just has been another eye-opener when it comes to accepting Truth and rejecting lies.

God, Your Word is Truth.
-To God be the glory.

July 25, 2011 0

Back to School.

I’ve been studying for the past week or so to go back to school. No, people, I am not planning on pursuing my Master’s (HA!), but I am pursuing preschool again. And I’m looking into generalized education and how to school another and (let’s be real) be schooled by another. Matt and I have decided to pursue homeschooling for as long as God continues to press it upon our hearts and allow me to be home with our kids. The schooling needs of each of our kids will be evaluated and prayed over continually to make sure we’re offering what they need, not just want they or we want. While I have a few minutes before Rachael is in the “school age” crowd, I figured there’s no better time than now to learn and grow in my education philosophy. Wow that sounds technical.

I’ve been reading all kinds of curriculum recommendations and philosophies regarding home schooling. Some have sucked – just being honest. And some quite honestly have rebelled against my structure-needs. Like I don’t think I could be the homeschooler who has “unschooled” kids – you know, the one that the book talk about as just letting natural curiosity and non-booked development drive a child’s education ONLY. The mom who doesn’t push her kids or really classify them as any grade level or require them to read of write or do math or…. While home school permits flexibility, that kid is going to need a job some day. No one’s going to pay them to run around outside barefooted and sing to the flowers. But seriously count me in if you find someone who’ll cut you a check for that biz! Yet there is part of me that certainly is not seeking to create geniuses with no friends or social skills. Balance wins this contest again. Man, seriously, buy out your stocks in balance – it’s creeping into every category.

Just been interesting lately to think of all the potential in raising Biblical kids. Rachael memorizing her first Bible verse (1 Peter 3:18a) at 2.5 has been challenging my Biblical parenting. The child just popped up one night after VBS with the theme Bible verse memorized. After picking my chin up from the floor I realised I could be underestimating her abilities here. Thanks again to her VBS teachers for teaching and reteaching and reteaching that verse to her. We now hear it over the baby monitor as she sings it in the nursery. From the mouths of babes, people. What is 1 Peter 3:18a you may wonder? “For Christ died for Sin, once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous to bring you to God.” She doesn’t know what it means yet, nor does she know it fully in her heart. But we’re to raise our kids with the Scriptures bound on their foreheads. And it’s not just the kids that should have it on their minds (wink, wink).

I’ve downloaded 5 songs from Amazon from the 1,000+ songs that are Scripture put to music for the purpose of memorization. Then I found 12 online for free. Today I made a CD and have put it in our car. Funny but when Scripture is all around us, I find myself wanting to hear more Scripture and thinking more about Scripture and already Rachael has been mouthing the words from the back seat. I’m no ingenious (HA! I didn’t even spell that right the first time) Mom, people, obviously someone else had that idea first – over 1,000+ times before I did. But I want Rachael to learn Christ’s heart and His philosophy. It’s about being goal-focused and intentional. I know she’s soaking up everything like a wet sponge – Abi too (only Abi prefers to chew on the sponges)- now how can I help her soak up more eternal things?

“Home Schooling” has taken on a far greater subject line that I once believed. There is so much more than “just surviving the school years” that home schooling has to offer. And just as parenting has so much more to offer through the lense of Christ, home schooling can have so much more to offer through the lense of Christ.

Light among darkness is important. Agreed. But to have light among darkness you must first have light. And in order to first have light, Christ needs to be in us. God has been opening my eyes to that lately. Yes, we Christians are called to be light among darkness (in our community, in schools, in church, in our homes), but my kids aren’t Christians yet. So once they are Christians, Lord willing, then they have the opportunity to serve in their mission fields among darkness. Then our focus will be switched from Christ-exposure to equipping to Go. But it’s all at one step at a time. Christ is their choice. They can choose Him or deny Him. And while my hopes and prayers are certainly that they would choose Christ, I just want to provide the most real example possible of the beauty and glory of our Lord and my obedience to raising kids as God desires is all I can give. Only my goal is not just to encourage Christians, but to encourage them to become devoted and obedient Christians. There is a HUGE difference in the two (and some would venture to say that pew-sitting Christians are not Christians, but I’m not the judge of obedience or salvation).

All I know is what a blessing it has been, and I pray it will continue to be, to watch them begin on their paths of possibility.

– To God be all the glory.

… now back to reading and praying.

July 19, 2011 0

Two Lanes?

“Hi, I’m Monica Stauffer and I have an addiction.”

I’ve never been to an AA meeting, and honestly have never drank (at all), but I’d imagine myself to stand up and admit this to an equivalent “Parenting Addiction” meeting. My addiction? You may wonder – it’s being strict.

Now before you pull out the tyrant flag to fly in my front yard, let me take a brief moment to explain: (brief? is anything done briefly on this site? – HA!)

I believe kids need firm boundaries. (I know, I’m broken.) I believe love comes in sacrificing now to gain later from their obedience. I am not willing to use excuses, even good ones, about my kids being too young to discipline. I’m not talking punishment, I’m talking training my children in the way I want them to behave. I am old-school when it comes to being strict. There is an honest part of me that does not want to put myself into the position of being the Mother of a tantruming child who has never heard “no” until the grocery store. But I will be stubborn enough to refuse to reward a tantrum – REGARDLESS of if I would rather no one label me a tyrant. I am seeking obedience, not for the sake of obedience, but as an example of Rachael and Abi’s love for me. Even at a young age, I think it’s attainable for Rachael to obey – not perfection – but at least be able to tell you why I want her to listen to me. Again, I don’t expect perfection, but I do expect obedience and consequence comes from disobedience. My expectations are clear and I try my hardest to be consistent. And I really want people to enjoy being with my kids as much as I do.

Downfall to being strict?

I begin to wonder if pattern obedience can come from any other method. I run the risk of believing strictness is the only way to raise a child – or the only worthy way? (don’t judge me – hehe) I don’t enjoy being around “out of control” kids because I have worked so hard to teach my children self-control. And this is hard because I am not some superior Mom. I’m really just trying to figure this out. But I am goal-focused in my interactions with my kids. And since my goal is not to be a tyrant and not to cater to chaos or selfishness there is a constant evaluation and re-evaluation of my parenting. Parenting is a balance. Only one of the problems that I am encountering is that being a strict Mom is going out of style in my generation. We seem to have exchanged good parenting with Lysol wipes. Now, I’m not hating on Lysol wipes, just hating on raising kids in a sanitation bubble. It’s as if protecting my child from all germs equals good parenting. Daycares and schools can teach my kids respect. Or they are too young to learn how to treat people because “kids will be kids” when it comes to picking on siblings (AKA disrespecting siblings).

I really have moments of struggling, if I’ll be honest. Struggling to not take it personally that I look “too strict” at times. And struggling to not get frustrated when my kid’s obedience is labeled as “good natured” instead of the hours of hard work I have put into whipping them into shape (not literally, people).

I, like any other Mom, seek to compare my kids – not in a bad way. Are they doing ok? Is my parenting working? Are these kids really “off the chain” and I’m not aware of it? Am I being too strict? Only most examples that I am seeing are those “clear out, they’re here” kind of kids that you hope don’t hurt your kids at the mall. (hehe). Or those “how old is that kid and still sucking a pacifier” kids at the grocery. Maybe I’m a product of a small church. After all, my kids are 2/3 of the nursery population on a regular basis – and that’s spanning 2 nurseries, people.

I just struggle to believe that lose boundaries really can produce “good” kids. Maybe that’s because it feels like the “easy road” to parenting and it’s hard to justify that the easy road works when I’m over here busting my butt.

It’s times like these and questions like these that make me “just want my Mommy.” Makes me want to run away from critical parenting world and “be Amish”, segregated and doing your own thing with those who think like you (no these aren’t my only beliefs about Amish people, just roll with the analogy people- wink, wink).

Parenting is personal. My kids are a reflection of me. And I don’t know anyone that pours their whole self into something and then hopes it gets shot down.

I am so blessed to have a husband who supports me – even when I have “too strict” moments. He doesn’t call me out in front of the kids, challenging my authority, instead he waits and talks to me about it when the kids aren’t in earshot. He allows me to learn and grow and loves me through my insecurities in parenting. I am blessed. I am well aware. We are a team and I do not cast off the utter gratitude I have for the blessing of my husband. Thank You, Jesus, for my Matt.

I just have real parenting thoughts – wanting to honor God the best in my raising of HIS kids. Not for a pat on the back from enablers (though kind words are reassuring), but for the glory of God. I want God’s Name to get the fame for the way my kids treat people. I want God’s Name to be desirable by testimony of the way my kids reflect my love through obedience. Christ Himself stated that obedience is a public display of our love for Him. While I am FAR less than Christ to my kids (oh the failures), I do know that the more Rachael and Abi want to please me the more they will obey. And Rachael and Abi will want to please me if they love me and feel my love in a very real way. They will have their fall-out moments of “For serious? Did you just do that?” I do not expect perfection, but I do expect them to want to obey me because they know I reward obedience. My unconditional love for them is not contingent upon their obedience, but my reward (not just tangible) is attached to their obedience.

I am proud of my girls. They are “good girls.” They fail the perfection test (show me on person who doesn’t!) and their eyes speak of the confidence they have in my unconditional love. AND their obedience is not their “good nature”, sure it is their blessed temperament from God mixed with years (“year” in Abi’s case) of hard work. I’m no hero of a Mom (HA!), but I want people to want to be around my kids – even when I’m not there to keep them in line- because they are more than just moral beings, but because they healthily seek to please you through their respect and obedience (as that manifests itself through a 2.5y/o and a 1y/o).

– just thinking and struggling and evaluating my parenting policy while thanking God.

June 26, 2011 0