Category: life thoughts

A Mommy in God

Here’s a little something I read this morning that encourages a change of perspective for Moms out there. (click and read, friends.)

Now commentary:

Agreed – how much of a blessing and how God-honoring can we be in serving Christ with a heart of missions in our “every day” tasks. And yet I wish the article would have highlighted on one other thing – taking those exact words of encouragement to their fullest form – We are raising missionaries. Now our kids may never move to foreign countries (take a look around the US, the mission field is at our doorstep), but perspective and purpose changes when I think of my girls as beginning missionaries verses just trying to be moral and polite. Moral and polite are responses of humility and gratefulness, which are characteristics we receive in Christ. I don’t want to create just moral kids, I want to create kids that want Jesus. For in wanting Jesus they will seek Him, obey Him, and serve Him.

In trying to help create missionaries, I tell them about God’s work around the world. I want them to feel the joys and the pains in the work of our Father. I want them to know more and more of the Word of God. And feel bold and brave in Christ. There is a different focus and drive in thinking of raising missionaries because even the little things I teach, like sharing and not yelling at your friends (you know, just to name some random one – wink, wink), are not just for the purpose of having the prized toddler on the playground. It’s because Jesus loves us and tells us to love others. And how are my kids or others going to know about Jesus unless I talk about Him?

Sure my baby kids are too young to grasp the fullness of sanctification and working out our salvation (we’re still praying of their moments of salvation), but in my explaining and reexplaining what the motivation behind my actions are for my kids, not only am I allowing the opportunity for the lifestyle pattern of Christ to be normal in our lives, but I also am thinking more about God myself. Ever done that: Taught yourself a little something while attempting to teach your kids?

I don’t have any idea when Rachael and Abi are going to make their first memory, retain their first Bible verse or hopefully, have their first Ah-Ha Jesus moment. But my job, my joyful and wonderful job, as a Mom is to provide and seek out as many opportunities as I can to teach about Jesus – even while folding the laundry. Not because I want to manipulate the time I have with my kids to be a formal teaching moment, but because Jesus deserves my every thought and my every word. And through me thinking aloud about Jesus to my kids, I am being obedient in training my kids up “in the way they should go” oh that they would not “sway from that path.”

THIS is my hope and my prayer and my delight as a Mommy in God.

=)

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A Grateful Perspective

My husband and I had a conversation tonight about the art of living on a budget. I call it an art because it really can be a challenge to live within your means while still feeling the reality of the utter luxury we have in our “means.” It’s so easy to lose oneself in the “new fads” of today. My kid needs the newest of this. My wardrobe is not complete without the newest of that… Now don’t get me wrong a little spoiling is not a problem, but it’s important to live within our means.

Living within your means is not popular. Look at the government for example (no, I really won’t go there). Commercials fail when we live within our means. Fad fashions fail when we live within our means. Extra storage space fails when we live within our means. And Spring cleaning gets easier when we live within our means.

But for some reason living within our means has become a synonym of the word poor. It’s like choosing not to have credit card debt is a lifestyle of the past – everyone is just getting by on the minimum payments, John, get with the program here. It’s like going out to get an ice cream cone as a family is no longer spoiling, but an expectation. I sincerely hope and pray that a gift or a random spoiling is not normally considered an expectation in the eyes of my children. They have no right to spoilings – and it’s not because I’d rather be selfish and keep the extras for myself. But it is out of the same sincere love for my kids that I give and I choose not to give.

There is such danger in raising a kid that expects overabundance. I’m not talking about expecting food and clothing and shelter and the basics – I certainly hope Rachael and Abi expect, and even beyond that, trust that all that they need will be provided for them by Matt and I – And really where the credit is due: God. But I believe the value in gratefulness is portrayed in not getting everything you want. When you don’t have all the new trends you are given the opportunity to value what you do have. I’m not saying we’re planning on intentionally depriving our kids, but I am saying that need and want are two different things that God is entrusting us to teach our kids (as we learn ourselves at times. [clears throat]).

Growing up not once did I doubt my parents’ love for me. Not once did I doubt their dedication in raising my sister and I to value and appreciate and respect and have self-control about things. Sure I wanted stuff I didn’t get. Sure I wasn’t wearing the coolest clothes. Sure we didn’t have the newest toys. And I don’t regret that. I don’t feel a loss in my childhood. Yes, my sister and I were teased – what kid out there wasn’t teased? My sis and I didn’t look like slobs. But we also didn’t buy our clothes from a designer shop. My mother was frugal and she still is darn good at being frugal without looking poor. (Holla, Mom!) Thrift store shopping is an art, not just a fun hobby. I mean come on, if you can enter a thrift store and leave with a wardrobe that looks like you shopped at Kohls then you need some serious props given. (Again, Holla, Mom!)

Growing up I remember having the cousin who “had everything.” Now I know quite well that they didn’t really have everything, but it sure seemed like it. I remember how different it was to meet blessed people in my life and those that felt the need to make you feel jealous of their wealth. I remember thinking others spoiled and mean for their pride in having the newest and “best” things on the market. But I also remember going home to my familiar dolls and toys and enjoying hours of play without begrudging my parents for deprivation. I spent hours on end outside playing when I grew up and to this day I really can’t remember much of anything in particular that I played with out there. So whomever claims that stuff makes memories, I know that one’s a lie.

I’m not just some bitter poor kid. I just have been taught to find value beyond things. And I hope to teach that to my kids.

The youth group is getting ready to have their annual 30 hour famine again. It’s the time of the year when we intentionally look at other countries and the poorest of the poor through the eyes of Christ. We try our hardest to drop our spoiled natures and I-can’t-believe-I-don’t-have’s to see true need at it’s purest form. Talk about humbling, people! Every year God uses the 30 hour famine to blow me out of the water. Everything I thought I needed suddenly looks quite stupid. Everything I thought my kids needed suddenly pails in comparison to the utter raw need. Not once have I ever doubted that my kids would be able to eat or survive a common illness. And it’s not just for the sake of guilt that the 30 hour famine exists. What good is a 30 hour famine if it remains in a once per year category?

Life changes occur when we see our families in the real light.

We are among the riches people in this world if we own a car and live in a stable home and have food on the table and money to spend at a store and health care and… and… the list can go on and on. It’s not enough to merely smile at that fact – God calls to my heart, “How are you using that child?” It’s not enough just to sponsor some kid and think that cuts me off the hook. How am I teaching my kids to value? What am I teaching them to value? What am I teaching them about wants and needs? What am I allowing myself to think about wants and needs?

To much that is given, much is expected.

I used to think that when the Bible talked about that it was referring to just a spiritual gift. Or maybe even just those that are really wealthy. It was so much easier to exclude myself from that category and think of all my I-can’t-s and my if-only-we-had-more-money’s.

What a challenge to be conscious of the underlying messages I allow myself to receive through commercials. Or will I allow myself to live a life in which I’m so stuck in it’s-never-enough that I can’t move forward to I-have-plenty,-here-have-some!

Am I so stuck on me that I am forgetting my work here?

Rachael and Abi, when you grow up, I really hope you won’t look back and think “we never got everything we wanted” but instead think, “we got more than we needed.” And if ever you have some desire to parent your kids in a different way than I parented you, please just know in your hearts, that I tried so hard to show you Jesus – and yet I failed in so many ways.

May my next opportunity to teach gratefulness and perspective be a success.

– in Christ alone.

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Accepting What Now?

I was reading Job yesterday. Chapter one: Job is introduced as a known, faithful, obedient and relentless follower of God. God offers Job to be tested by Satan. Job loses all his wealth, all his children are tragically killed, and his cattle are ransacked. Job’s wife is the sole survivor and when you meet her character in chapter 2 you may wonder why. Yet, Job still praises God. Chapter 2: God offers Job again and Job loses his health. Job’s wife “encourages” Job to just casually “curse God and die” – oh the picture of exhortation. Job’s response?

“Shall we indeed accept good from God and not accept adversity?” (ch.3, v.10)

Can we say heart-piercing?

mmm. Yowza!

How easy it is to complain. Ask anyone and I’m sure they could come up with a laundry list of frustrations in their little world. Hello? Could someone help me carry mine? And amidst my complaining I read the words, “Shall we indeed accept good from God and not accept adversity?”

ZING!

You know it’s been a challenge to decipher the truth amid the lies we are whispered daily, sometimes nearly every minute. We’re given the opportunity to follow truth to our Lord or follow lies to a desert-wandering path. And when we find ourselves out in left field, thanks to our apple-biting nature, we find the tumble weeds aren’t enough company to sustain (oh but we’re going to try first). And we need to prodigal it back to the Father with a list of apologies. But we have to first realize that the Father’s perceived “pig slop” would be better than the dust we stand in before we can find ourselves robed and at His welcome-home-party table.

You know, it’s so easy to get discouraged. Trials seem to constantly be hiring and for some reason we keep submitting our resumes, sometimes unknowingly.

Sometimes working out our salvation feels like a once-a-month shopping trip with the gimpy cart and a late-napping, fall-out expressing toddler. And it’s in those moments that I desperately beg and plead for the Father to remind me of His open-door policy because it’s so easy to feel like God’s a complaint box that never gets weeded through. But no matter how many times I get stage fright and feel overcome by the serpent’s whispering, I need to keep reminding myself that when that curtain comes down the only encore will belong to Jesus and Jesus ALONE!

– wrestling out this faith journey.

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Raining and Thoughts

This weekend was a good one, even though it was a hard one. The reality of our dear brother in Christ, David Cowherd, really being gone is a mixed bag of emotions. While life “goes on” here on this side of heaven, we miss his smiling face. Continued prayers for Jeanie and family. The visitation is tonight and the funeral is tomorrow.

Yesterday was a quiet day and today feels like a repeat of yesterday.

I have found sometimes in my walk with Christ that there are high moments and then the valleys. Valleys can be brought on by many things. And it’s odd, but while in a valley you can still have joy in Christ. You’d think a valley would just be consumed with heaviness and darkness. But amidst the trials there is still unwavering hope – hope in faithful Jesus.

But there are still times that bring on silence, thoughts whirling in your head and times of just being and doing with little thoughts. Oh the value of a walk or a mundane task amid “quiet days.” There’s just been a lot of process lately. A lot to think on. A lot to surrender.

Abi’s smiling face today has been lovely. She has two little curls on the top of her head that appeared after bath time this morning. The two curls counteract each other resulting in both standing straight-up on her head in one Alfalfa sprout. It’s super cute to witness the both bobble as she crawls about with a smile devouring her face. Amazing the affects of a full belly and teething meds.

Rachael is having a cute moment as well, setting up a picnic for Abi – which Abi promptly mauls and then claps. Rachael seems only mildly affected by Abi’s inability to “play right.” It’s fun to have two, even when they clash at times. And it still amazes me how much that toddler just loves that little baby – right where she’s at.

Matt and I have been trying to eat healthy again. HA! Isn’t that the story of our lives. But Matt stumbled across a book called “Eat this, not that” and it’s been helpful in eating REALISTIC healthy things. Let’s be honest, people, we just don’t have the time or determination to spend a whole afternoon making one dinner. Maybe that’s part of the cooking/workout plan – burning the calories in the food prep. Regardless, we’re exploring the possibilities of eating more healthy things without breaking the bank or feeling the need to jump on the organic fad. Let’s just say the only “Go green” we do is to “Go Green, Go White” (Michigan State – oh how my hubby would be proud.) Don’t get me wrong, taking care of the planet is a good thing, I’m just not into the craze of walking on eggshells as if the planet’s going to explode tomorrow. Maybe I’m just broken, but I think the world is going to look like we lived here after we’re gone – cuz, you know, we lived here. And I’m probably wrong – I have been in the past and will be again- but I feel like a lot of the “Go Green” is just a new fad, like skinny jeans and mismatching clothes. (Feel free to throw your tomatoes now. hehe.)

We’ve been going to the gym 4 times per week – no they’re not giving out door prizes. The kids enjoy their little daycare play zone and Matt and I “enjoy” killing ourselves for the sake of health. It’s actually quite nice to relieve stress and work hard, even at the expense of sweat dripping down your back. The gym can be so selfish, like the one “nicely fit” mom who dropped off her very overweight preschooler with fruit roll-up in hand into the daycare and then proceeded to the tanning room to tan her sculpted self. But we believe that the gum can also be a statement to God that we want to keep His vessel healthy and ready to go wherever He leads. We may not be marathon ready, but we’ll try to be run-a-flight-of-stairs-without-dying ready.

Well I better get going, Rachael notified me that she needs a tissue (she wiped her nose on my shirt while snuggling. mmmm.) and Abi has begun her daily curtain attacking. It’s raining outside. Despite common opinion of the rain being a nuisance, I like it.

Hope you all are enjoying your day and have enjoyed your weekend.

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So Much Bigger and Closer

Sometimes a walk down memory lane is filled with beautiful, white-picket fenced pictures. Other times lessons learned come to mind. And sometimes there’s those ‘remember when’s that create a solemn and quiet moment in your heart.

I recently set up my old college computer to provide a space of childhood computer game playing. Funny to introduce the kindergartner I watch to packman – as if packman is something historic of the past. When booting up the old junker, curiosity led me to the old picture files. Funny to laugh through silly worship band pictures. But one file brought back a whole world of thoughts. It’s title? New Orleans Mission Trip 2006.

We come to crossroads in our life. The road to heroism and the road to normalcy. And sometimes the two interchange and weave amongst each other. But every once in a while on down the road there comes a hill. And after the hill’s climb you begin to see more values: greater value in rest, greater value in good hiking shoes, greater value in water, and even a greater value in life. And then all at once the horizon hits you from the top of that hill.

New Orleans brought back that feeling. The old war-zone looking pictures of displaced houses, demolished neighborhoods, and the eerie quiet that filled the air. No birds. No crickets. Nothing.

Work abounded on the trip. Filled with gutting flooded houses, stripping down walls and bleaching studs. All in the efforts to rebuild. All in the efforts to start again. In most cases we didn’t meet the neighbors – those that were coming back for the wreckage. We just did our work. Did our part. Tried to leave behind a foundation that someone else could value again.

The images. The feelings. The poor world feeling so much bigger and yet so much closer than before. It all came flooding back as I flipped through the pictures, my mind adding a few not captured on film.

inside


clean-up begins


tearing down walls

removing glass from windowsill


pressure washing/bleaching molded studs


searching for valuables

the final product – a gutted house

Sometimes a walk down memory lane is filled with beautiful, white-picket fenced pictures. Other times lessons learned come to mind. And sometimes there’s those ‘remember when’s that create a solemn and quiet moment in your heart.

– my heart goes out to Japan right now –

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The Power of ‘No’

The predictable utterance of any toddler. The half-hearted response written across any teenager’s face at their parent’s exciting vacation plans. The programmed response of any adolescent when offered an “uncool” option. Yes, friends. I’m talking about the word, “NO.”

Such a small word with great power.

I’ve found that this word may not produce immediate smiles or high fives, but sometimes it’s the best response of honesty available.

God’s been teaching me a lot lately. As I type that sentence I wonder at the marvel that He would still teach me and take time to walk this road with me even as I stumble along in my toddling for truth moments.

“Where is your ministry?” is often thrown around in the Christian church.
“My ministry.”
“I just can’t find a place to serve.”

Pastor’s wives (and church staff wives), I have found, are either expected to run everything – the church MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group, Jr. High girl’s bible study, vacation bible school kindergarten 2 class, and raise 5 babies – 2 from Africa- while keeping the house cleaned and dinner on the table at 5pm. Or there’s the “does our Pastor have a wife?” staff wife that lives in her house and tries to keep from attending prayer meeting in her bathrobe.

Sure there are those staff wives that are able to find the beauty in balancing their crazy kids (who’s kids aren’t crazy), bake brownies for the next church social, and stick to only teaching their 3rd grade Sunday School class. But while we all aspire to be them we have our wonderful moments of feeling the fluctuating from the overbooked to the hermit.

And while my brain and heart digests the unspoken, yet felt, expectations or, for a kinder word, “desires” of a church Body on the Pastor’s wife/staff wife I find God walking in with a whole new life motto.

“Just say ‘no’.”

What God? Come again?

At some stages of life God is revealing to me that He just wants me here; folding the laundry while singing praises, picking up the talking hamster pet toy for the umpteenth time, changing one more diaper, and serving my husband where I am.

You know, maybe I create too much pressure on myself. Or maybe I am just trying to serve where I have in the past. But I am learning that sometimes the best thing I can do and the best glorifier of Jesus that I can be is the wife that: makes Godly goals with her family, gets up with the baby and rocks that new tooth out of hiding, prays for her husband and listens to his heart, tries to come up with new ways to surprise her husband with an ‘I love you’ note, joins in toddler dances with flailing arms and no reservation to ‘old school’ Sunday School songs, and prays ‘thank yous’ to Jesus for His marvelous works while scraping food off the dishes.

Matt has a lot on his shoulders and He needs to unload on His Savior. But am I ushering Him into the presence of God? Or am I heaping more onto the load because I failed to say ‘no’?

Someone will always ask me to do more. And I hope they never stop asking because it gives me opportunities to run to Jesus and say, “What about now? Did You want me to do this?” But there’s no shame in saying, “I agree. That ministry direction sounds great and is just what our church needs. I’ll pray for more workers alongside you and let you know if God is calling me to add more than prayer.”

He’s given me so much to be thankful for. And while I’m not to be self-serving and not to seek out the easiest road. I am reminded again and again that I will be standing at the throne of God in judgment (not Heaven or Hell. That question is sealed already.) . And though I will always have “I wish I would have done better” on my lips (if I can even talk), I want to say that I tried hard to serve and serve with my family. I want to say, I received your ministry in my life and ran hard.

So today I woke up stretching (and yawning) as my ministry awoke me over the baby monitor. My ministry filled the kitchen sink and sat by the washer. My ministry woke up for another dry morning and toddled to her little potty. And I kissed my ministry as he headed out the door for the office. And now I’m about to go clean out my ministry’s dirty littler box and then rescue my ministry from her torturous napping crib. Tomorrow, if the weather’s nice, my ministry could be sitting on the park bench watching her kids play too or standing on the side of the road asking for a hand-out.

Thank you, Lord, for the ministry you have given me.

Please continue to help me grow and mature more in serving my ministry as you expand and develop it.

I’m reminded of the praise Chorus:

Where you lead me, Lord, I will follow…
Where you lead me, Lord, I will go…

-to God be the glory.

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