It came to us right before bed one night in Johannesburg. I had gotten out of the hospital by the grace of God and finally felt like a human being again. We had moved beyond the survival phase; Matt’s day dictated by hospital visiting hours and mine dictated by pain management and nursing schedule. And now we stood at the doorframe of recovery. Recovery from surgeries, recovery from anxiety and recovery from apartness (hey, I can make up words, this is my blog 😉).
And we lay there processing, for processing for parents often happens at night when small ears are not around. In that land of processing I wandered a bit, smelling the flowers, until I realized what I missed the most: family identity.
See, every transitional reality we have walked through as a family was aided by finding a new sense of us. Each added family member helped to redefine how we do family. Each big change. Each trip. Each adventure. Everywhere we find ourselves laying our heads at night, that time period, grows us into a new layer of family identity.
And it was then and there that we realized that that was true for everywhere except Joburg. We had had three weeks of unavoidable division: me at the hospital, Matt being Superdad and trying to still stay fully aware and engaged with what was going on with me, and the girls bouncing from wonderfully willing person to person, but still finding an identity of just the four of them – Rachael being, many times, the voice of reason and taking on the role of “mom” for her sisters. We had been, for all intensive purposes: scattered.
For healing to happen, we realized that we needed to regroup and find our family identity once again right where we were, in Joburg. So it began with a 1,000 piece puzzle…
Everyone’s hands worked on the puzzle. It helped us not only pass time healing, but also just have a united goal again.
We were determined to finish it. Matt and I worked on sections when the girls were sleeping. Waiting times were filled with sorting pieces. Eden even got pretty good at finding edge pieces. Hannah sorted colors. Abi and Rachael helped Eden collect zebra pieces. And we slowly chipped away at it, even when it was really frustrating, until the final piece was laid. I loved how we all cheered at it’s completion. In hours of focus and teamwork we found a sense of family identity in Joburg.
See, friends? We live in a generally quiet town. With generally quiet evenings filled with time. Time when few are out, risking malaria, among the mosquitos. Time when people return home at dusk and shut down for the nights. Seven hours from fluent English and teammates is where we live. And that’s in no way a complaint, just a reality. And then we came to the big city; busy, loud, full of activity, and everything costs something and even the most wonderful friends that we wanted to see. But it wasn’t until we sat down to that puzzle that we realized how much we just needed a slice of us again. Quiet. Uneventful. A united task. Until completion.
And after the completion comes the very best part: the destruction.
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Family identity is critical. Everyone has a part. Everyone is valued. Everyone is needed.
Together we are better.
