Category: orphan care

Perspective

So I just wanted to give you a little perspective on our family. We took this picture a few months ago when celebrating a kiddo’s birthday. Every child in this picture is 6 yrs old or younger. And this is only two families worth of kids. Yes, we’re that kind of crazy. 10 kids six and under!

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Oh right, and my sis in law is preggers too.  =)

Sure it feels like madness around here at moments, but it is a bit odd how well we all click in other moments. It’s sweet that everyone has a plethera of buddies.

 

This is a picture of what a generation of compassion for the orphan produces.

Thanks for laying the great groundwork, Barb and Rodger.

 

– Thankful, grateful and blessed.

2

One Unpredictable Day

Thought I’d give a little update on the boys. It’s been a few weeks of weekend visits and things are going decently enough. There have been struggles in reintroducing an environment that comes with a lot of baggage, but it was expected to say the least. It’s just like in boxing: you’re not quite sure where the blow will come from, but you know it’s coming.

Big Guy has handled it the hardest, naturally. And I am thankful for a Sunday School teacher who just plans on holding him for ten minutes of a cry the morning after his visit. The tears can be provoked by anything really, though they also stemmed from a particular stressor. And I just love his dear Sunday School teacher all the more for being willing to meet him where he is and then let go when he’s ready to move forward.

Big Guy has been enjoying school to an extent and struggling some to another extent. School has been a big transition for him. Less play. More work. Missing out on “our life” here while he’s at school. And running his own schedule. There’s the responsibilities at school that tie over into home here. And the contrast of some of the lack of responsibility while at visits. It’s complicated. And in case you’ve forgotten, Kindergarten asks a whole lot about your family in the beginning. And there’s a poster to be made. And a presentation weekly about other people’s’ families. And that keeps things on your mind a LOT. Things that you have otherwise not really been thinking about when lost in the business of your little world.  And they won’t let him run wild like he did in preschool. And it’s hard to be held accountable (let’s be honest). So it’s looked like some lying and some physical aggression to another student after being instigated. But we’re still striving to maintain his heart as his world continues to take on more layers of complication and confusion. And we’re rewarding “green days” (best behavior at school) with immediate outdoor play and attention and bikes and bubbles and roller skates and… get the picture? Yeah, he’s starting to get it too. Sure beats extra chores, eh? Yeah, we’re hoping he agrees too.

And Little Man? Yep, he’s just trucking on.  Army crawling. Mouthing everything. Trying more table food. Drooling. Smiling. Laughing. And trying his hand at a bit of traditional crawling. You know, just by fluke. He’s oblivious. And much more consistent.  It’s morning wake up. And bottle and naps. And play and the surprise of mealtime food. And just good. And happy. He doesn’t seem too taken aback about visits. His digestion system has matured more so he’s not throwing up visit food anymore. And acid reflux is gone. (HALLELUJAH!!!) And seasonal allergies are controlled. And constant sickness is WAY a thing of the past. He’s showing some normal signs of attachment, some separation anxiety when dropped off in the church nursery and pointing and whining when picked up from babysitting/nursery experiences.Oh yes, baby. I’m convinced it was terrible. I’ll take you back. 😉  But really, the baby is just a much more predictable and well-rounded (in more ways than one) little man.

We’re looking at reunification for mid to late next month. Things can still change. But we are so close. And things are moving in that direction.

Kind of odd to not know if we’ll be celebrating Little Man’s birthday or sending his present with him.  Odd to be standing on the brink of change and goodbye and yet it still being a bit far off. So one day at a time we will continue to play it. That’s the way life goes. One day at a time.

One unpredictable day. =)

0

Wet Concrete

We received word about the boys. We’re in full-blown reunification. This Saturday they will start Saturday visits for 4 hours at their home. The plan is to do that for 2 weeks, then bump it to 8 hour visits on Saturdays for two weeks, then over-night visits for 4 weeks and then they will move home for good.

There’s not a current court date set, so the time frame is a bit contingent upon that date. Hopefully that date can be set this week and then we will have a date “set in stone” for the boys’ return home, provided that the bottom doesn’t fall out on this case.

It’s a mixture of nerves and excitement here. “This is good for them”, “we tried to assume they wouldn’t stay”, and “we will all be fine” I have repeated in my head. And many times I even believe them. I think about how much calmer it has been around here with Big Guy at school and try to picture the beauty of that norm. I want that norm. But many times the uglier sides of this case refresh themselves in my mind. Who will these boys most likely become physically and mentally as a result of the family environment? And other statistics pop into my mind. I try to shake them, but sometimes they just hit my stomach.

I knew this would be a bit messy. Sin always is. And I can imagine it’s going to continue to get a bit messy as this family tries to mesh back together and forget that the good part of a year has been the byproduct of extreme brokenness. Their family needs to heal.

And so does ours.

I only briefly pictured them living here forever when others said it at the beginning of this case. But even that felt like playing dress-up. Wet concrete is so pliable.

And there are moments that a little hurt hits me as I put away the boys’ clothes or walk past their room.

Boys, I don’t know where you’re going to be. Or what you will become. And it’s hard to smile with you, sweet Big Guy, at your excitement of going home knowing what I know. And seeing the challenges before you. It’s hard to hold you, Little Man, as you struggle through the effects of visit knowing your life is just going to be hard. And we’re handing you over to that.

You were never ours to begin with.

But love still hurts.

We’ll just bring you to Jesus, on our knees… again and again.

He is more than enough in all of this.

Lord mold us.

We are moist and ready.

I trust the Potter’s Hand.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y-W7Md6mv74]

4

The Medium of Homeschooling

We’re getting ready to start the homeschooling season again. We have taken the longest break ever from directed teaching due to the boys arrival being mashed in with summer. We moved from more focused academics to more play and discovery. But I have to be honest, I’m really excited to start back into a more directed study time.

Big Guy started school last week so that forced us to become more regulated and routined. Honestly, I am really happy about that. I love Big Guy, but the entire dynamic and hyperactivity level of this household takes a shift back into our discovery norms when he’s at school. Our days kind of slow down and become more natural feeling to me. It becomes less about burning a kid out and more about discovering our world together. I feel more calm because there are more opportunities for quiet in our household and for this introvert that is really important to me. Odd that four kids can feel quiet, but it really is true – especially during the babies’ morning naps. Things allot themselves more naturally to sit-down teaching in the morning and hands-on learning in the afternoon.

But one of the things I look most forward to during this school year is returning to reading. Reading a book on my own. Our missions reading before nap times. Oh our snuggling reading on the couch has stayed consistent throughout the summer, but just the calm of enjoying a good read – that I look forward to so much.

It was nearly impossible to instill missions reading over the summer, sadly. Big Guy’s attention span is very, very short. And reading to the girls before nap time always left Big Guy out since sitting in the hallway between the boys and girls’ rooms rocking my nurser created a very fussy nurser that I nearly had to yell over to read. Yeah… less calming.

Rachael actually leapt for joy when I returned to my rocking chair with a missions book in hand at nap time. “YEAH! Mommy’s going to read missions novels to us again!” She couldn’t contain herself. I love that she remembers that about me. I love that she, at such a young age, is already enjoying longer chapter books. And I have noticed that since I stopped reading to the girls at nap time, my Abi’s vocabulary hasn’t built as quickly… and her annunciation just flat-out needs work. Funny but reading aloud to her will help a lot with those things as she is more accustomed to broad vocabulary and listens to my sounding out foreign city names.

But really, even if it had no educational piece to it…. I just love sharing that time with them. I love talking about what God has done in and through people. I love learning, myself! And it’s also a helpful gauge for telling if Rachael is ready to transition from naps. If she can stay awake for the full chapter, then she may not need a nap that day. See, reading has MANY benefits. 😉

I’ve decided to begin homeschooling after Hannah’s first birthday. Summer has been a little hectic and draining, quite honestly, despite the large amount of fun as well. So I’d like to feel ready. I’d like to include Rachael and Abi in decorating the homeschool wall. I’d like to solicit their ownership of their portfolios this year, decorating the cover and putting the dividers in. I’d like to settle into a routine of reading and more consistent morning naps for the babies and in many ways healing from a wonderful, but long summer of greater demands on me for the enjoyment of the kids. I’d like to read ahead in our curriculum, get hyped up and have everything settled really nicely before day 1. And the beauty of homeschooling is… we can do that. We can afford to start our school year whenever we’re ready. Truly ready.

I love homeschooling. It’s a passion of mine. No it’s not for everyone. Yes, it’s draining, but the investment is really an utter delight. I LOVE sitting beside my children and soaking in their worlds. I love discovering life with them. I love hearing the Scriptures return without void. I love praying over their math problems, piano lessons, and puzzle play. I just love doing life with them. And I love knowing precisely what they are learning, from the books to the social interactions to the Scripture. No, it’s not for the purpose of controlling them. It’s for the purpose of training a child in the way they should go… that God would bless their paths to be more straight. I just love being a missionary to my kids. Oh and I pray that light would overcome their darkness, in turn allowing them to be light to the world and sisters in Christ.

So thanks be to God, for this season of preparation. Preparation of our minds and our hearts and our souls for all that He will teach us this year

through the medium of homeschooling.

0

Thank You’s Not Enough

Oh, and for those of you that sent Big Guy a birthday present in the mail because you could not give it to him yourself…

P7015131b

P7015138b

P7015140b

thank you.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

P7015145b

P7015148b

He may never get to meet you, but oh how you have breathed value into his little heart.

Oh how he has felt your love, you can see it in his sweet face.

He is generally tough on things, but these things… friends, he treasures these things. Treasures.

 

P7015181b

Thank you, thank you!

Such an investment, dear ones. Such an investment.

0

That I AM

Matt and I were chatting yesterday after church. The babies were down for their naps a bit early. The older kids finishing a movie that helped me get ready for church earlier that morning.

He said it so clearly. Articulated with such wisdom.

We were mulling over why we Christians get in such funks. Satisfied with mediocre faith. Church attendance only. Going through the motions. We’ve all been there, but the conversation can’t just stop there. Else we run the risk of taking up residency there.

We’d landed that being challenged is certainly a key factor. But we don’t challenge ourselves. I’m certainly not going to push myself out of myself. We need someone else. Someone full of the Holy Spirit. Jesus speaking through someone.

And he hit it right on the head. We need someone to say, “Shouldn’t you be asking yourself if God wants that for you?”

You know, I’ve found in other peoples’ support a similar theme arise. The “that’s good for your family” theme. You know, it’s as if orphan care is a sole calling of my family. Or a few families. And their call is something else.

I used to think like that. Nursery care was my calling. You do the other stuff. Senior adult care is for you. Or those rowdy youth. Or crazy VBS kids. In fact, I’ll just fold the bulletins and sharpen the pencils. You mediate the funding argument. You pray for the terminally ill child.

Once He moved me past that phase I started praying for the terminally ill. Those with the life sentence and the failing lungs. Those that would most likely never get well. Those that went to see Jesus before I said my “amen”. Prayer became more than a “give me” fest. Prayer with it’s mystery slowly became comfortable. And the ‘no’s felt a little less stinging.

I started to pray for those missionaries I will never meet. The ones giving their lives overseas. The ones being tortured. I started reading some accounts. Those martyrs. Those starving to death to feed the lost. Prayers felt like portals. Intercession felt more alive. The mystery not so uncomfortable and unstable.

And suddenly my living room became a throne-room. Falling at His feet. Crying over injustice. Hurting for the aborted. Those who lost their life before taking a breath. Those stuck in sexual trafficking. Those little children lost in slavery. Doing sickening crimes. My stomach started churning. Such hurt. I couldn’t ignore it anymore. My prayer life had pushed me there. God was unveiling how much He wanted the lost and dying world… even when they’re still in their sin.

World Vision became an opportunity. An opportunity to be faceless and yet still foster Hope.

The orphan suddenly expanded to the helpless, the lost, the estranged, and the poor. The widow suddenly expanded into the hopeless, the stuck, and the ugliest least. The swept under the rug. The forgotten.

That’s what brought me to “my” boys. That’s what will bring you to “yours”.

It had nothing to do with comfort. It had nothing to do with ease. Or thrill. Or some kind of higher purpose.

It had everything to do with obedience.

When your Father calls. You say “here, I am, Lord. Send me.”

You don’t ask how much it’ll cost. You don’t weigh the heartache.

You don’t offer an alternative plan.

When you hear His voice. You RUN to meet Him.

It’s easy to get lost. I am not for foster care. I AM for Christ.

And He has brought me to fostering.

It would not have been my choice. I am not designed for fostering. I am not designed for mothering. I am designed for worship. And I worship through obedience.

He equips. He constructs. He ignites. He sustains. He recollects. And He rebuilds.

And it is through His love that I feel compelled.

Compelled to reach out to the orphan. Compelled to love the neighbor. Even when it’s not convenient. And when it’s frustrating. And when I just want to be “our family” without someone else calling the shots. Even when I just want to get away from always asking for help. Even when I want to be selfish and just hold my babies. Even when I’m jealous and don’t want him thinking so fondly of his mother when I know the choices she is knowingly making. Even when I am prideful and want to the world to acknowledge my struggle. Even when I want to hide because I don’t want exposed the worse version of my tired, undone self. I am compelled to run to the darkness. The Light cannot be contained.

I don’t have to fear losing myself. I AM.

I don’t have to fear walking a narrow path. I AM.

I don’t have to fear losing these boys. I AM.

I don’t have to fear never sleeping again. I AM.

I don’t have to fear life feeling disrupted. I AM.

It’s not my life to live.

It was crucified on the cross.

… And yet I live.

I Live.

Truly LIVE.

Not I but Christ that lives within me.

And I can do all things through Christ who gives me the strength that I need.

The strength that I need daily!

To daily set myself aside and say, “Yes, Lord. I choose to obey today.”

I don’t know what today holds. But I AM.

2

Proudly powered by WordPress | Theme: Baskerville 2 by Anders Noren.

Up ↑