Category: orphan care

Open Letter

To the Table of Moms sitting beside ours at the children’s museum,

First of all, congratulations on expecting your second children in the household. The thrill of a miracle growing inside of you is indescribable, even in those last few months of “bumping into everything”. And your toddlers may not have any idea what’s coming, but they’ll learn to enjoy the company of another little smiler.

But even in your excitement my heart breaks for you both. I saw your glances and while it would be easy to brush you off as judgemental, my heart is really saddened.

Yes, Big Guy spilled his cup of juice because he wasn’t paying attention. He’s only been to a children’s museum twice that I know of and it’s a lot to take in, even when wolfing down lunch in anticipation of playing with legos. Yes, Little Man was fussing. What you didn’t know is that he had already been fed and freshly diapered, he was just having an impatient moment while I was nursing Hannah. And yes, the boys do not look like me… or my girls. In fact, to a deeply judging eye they could mark me to look like an unfaithful woman… or a woman in a really biologically confusing mess.

But my heart breaks that you didn’t really see my kids. You didn’t see Abi’s utter bliss at the chocolate covered pretzels we got as a special treat from the shop downstairs. And you didn’t see the twinkle in Big Guy’s eyes that even though he forgot his money that he brought to buy a special snack, he got to share a bag of Buggles with all of us after eating his cheese and crackers (the unsoggy ones). And you didn’t see the progress that Little Man has made in only fussing a bit and being responsive to my touch and my words to calm himself down.

You didn’t see where my boys were two months ago and how much they have moved from being constantly attention-seeking and fearful to secure and excited.

Yes, we are a noisy bunch sometimes… many times around eating time. And there are still needs to remind Big Guy to sit still and that just because he’s not touching it right now doesn’t mean he’ll never get to. And there are still needs to balance nursing my Hannah with rocking Little Man into comfort.

But my heart breaks for you, Moms, that while you may be there in your hearts some day to take in a child that needs someone while their world gets a little more under control… you’re not there right now. But right now there are Big Guys and Little Mans out there… waiting for Children’s Services to intervene and remove them from their crumbling worlds.

Tomorrow we’ll probably still be noisy, and a little bossy sometimes, and a little over-the-top excited and needy, but I am so thankful to God that tomorrow these precious boys know that they’ll still be safe. And loved. And snuggled. And told that “we’re praying for your Mom and your Dad” while they wait to see who will rescue them and who will fade away into a memory.

Sweet pregnant moms, my heart breaks for you.

Please take another glance.

Please.

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For Good

The boys will be back in a half hour. Their visit is almost done and they’ll be dropped off by transportation. We drive and drop off. They bring home. It helps us since they scheduled the visits on the one day we requested to not.

The nights are long and I’m napless, despite hopes. The babies are so random at sleep and are many times keeping each other up.

And honestly, it is REALLY hard right now. I could stack a skyscraper high of one-block-at-a-time struggles. We’re all still adjusting to this new norm. Some better than others.

And while I have moments of just wanting things to go back to normal or at least find some consistent number of wake-up calls in the middle of the night from the two babies,

And while there are moments I am fed up with paying for someone else’s awful parenting choices,

And while there are moments I would love to sell my own kids on ebay,

I know that this is what God has for us right now. This is what He has asked of us.

This is the cup we are to drink and find delight in and splash onto his feet in tear-filled prayers.

And I just want to be honest that the sacrifice hurts many times. My pride and selfishness wants “me time” and the ability to accomplish getting 5 on a schedule to allow “just me” time.

I can complain and kick and pout as well as my two year old… if not better.

But at the end of the day, even the long days, I am still thanking God that He has given us the opportunity to love these boys.

In the good, the bad and the ugly.

God IS working this for His good.

This is the reality of our normal.

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6 Little Secrets of a Sleeping Baby

6 Little Secrets of a Sleeping Baby | Science of Mom.

This is one of the smartest and most holistic studies of sleep training I have read in a long time. It’s child driven, developmentally appropriate and self-soothing encouraging since all children need to learnt o cope with stress in life.

It is a conglomeration of my personal sleep training parenting as well as allowing the flexibility of a family defining their sleep needs.

Bravo! Well done!

(there are 6 posts in the 3 month research conglomeration study. This one starts the study.)

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Our World

So we added a few new faces around here, but due to protecting them in the world of Internet you fellow readers won’t be seeing them. 😉 But even in protecting their identities I can still share our lives with you all. =)

So our table looks like this…. daily. (only I’m usually there).

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And this is how we do everything now:

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And we have one more happy helper:

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And our car is full:

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And WE LOVE IT!!!!

 

Now let’s just help convince this guy to sleep through the night. 😉

 

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And he’s even cuter in person. 😉

 

 

 

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Shooting Range

One of the first few days that we had Big Guy he was up while everyone was napping. Matt had returned from the hospital with Little Man and the house was silent as recovery was spreading among the masses. While Matt worked away at some school work, I took the opportunity to get a few chores done when I noticed my shadow. Big Guy followed me around with his new Nerf guns we got with a few t-shirts for his wardrobe. Taking the opportunity to get to know him, the laundry waited as we enjoyed the window-cling nativity animals shooting range. 😉

Then naturally this had to happen:

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Boom!

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Oh yeah… it was crazy fun.

 

We even did rolling-in stunts.

 

Who cares that I was in a skirt…. I can do swat-team in a skirt. 😉

 

– All for his laugh.

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Beyond Our Understanding

Last night our oldest began to get teary-eyed when I announced bedtime was nearing. He’s still getting into the swing here, you know, since he was only placed here two days ago. Oh wait… did I forget to mention that?

Oh yeah, two days ago we got a phone call a little after 1p and added two new members to our family by 7p. Yep, 6 hours that I’ll never forget. The day had felt so normal. And when I was given the info over the phone I just knew “yes” was the only answer. It was our step of obedience that we’d been praying about for 1 year and seven months from that first heart-pricking. And in one afternoon we met them… the boys that have made us “never the same” and “never wanting to go back” all in one.

He’d cried himself to sleep the first two nights, missing his Mom. Rightfully so. I just agreed with him. It is not fair. I wish I could tell him when she’d come for him. I wish I knew if she’d ever come for him. I ran my fingers through his hair. Nits don’t hold water to love. He’s worth the risk.

Then last night came. And the story emerged. Too much seen. Violence. An emergency phone call. Fear.

I wish I could take it away from him. I wish I could blot out those images that haunt him… I wish I could replace them with trips to the park and Saturday morning cartoons.

Old words drew more tears to his eyes. His bottom lip quivered as he tried to regain self-control, failing. He confided the source of his nightmares… his anxiety about sleeping. His insecurity in what he should really believe.

I asked him if he felt safe here. He answered quickly with assurance. I wondered if that assurance would hold water right after a nightmare.

We prayed. And I stroked his hair more.

I just wish I could take it all away for him.

But I can’t.

But I know who has sheltered him. Who has guarded as much innocence as can be left after all he’s seen. I know who has stood in the gap, shielding him from so much so that he can lose himself in a bad joke, run in reckless abandonment through the house, and blast helicopters with laser beams right before they catapult to the living room carpet.

And all I can do is say thank you. Thank you, Lord, on his behalf.

And then I can just lead him to Your feet, in prayer.

…

Prayer for a peace beyond our understanding.

– Love that boy.

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