Category: thankful and grateful

And He’s Mine

Today is my man’s birthday.

I really can’t possibly put into words how blessed I am to get to celebrate Matthew’s 27th birthday with him. I’m so glad that I grabbed him up (and he grabbed me up) and I get the blessing of sharing in his life.

Matthew is a FANTASTIC father of three+ kiddos. You should see him. He’s that Daddy that tickles, gives horsey rides, teaches you how to swing that bat and dribble that ball, lays beside the cooing baby on the floor just to share in the foaming smile, and takes the time to sit down and snuggle you when it’s just been a long day. He’s the Daddy that wants to celebrate HIS birthday at Chuck-E-Cheese’s because he loves to see that crazy excitement in his little ones’ eyes. He’s also the Daddy that teaches the hard lessons and pushes you to keep your word. He walks through the bad habits with you and guides you out of it. He encourages you to rise above your own low expectations and supports you in your endeavors. Just come watch the twinkle in his eye – his love for these precious little ones cannot be hidden.

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Loving on his little girls.

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Look at the trust in her eyes.

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Such a playmate. =)

Matthew is an AMAZING hubby. He’s the one who spontaneously comes home with flowers or a frosty. Offers backrubs and my favorite, foot massages, after long and hard days. Just sits with me and snuggles when all I want to do after a long and exhausting day is just zone out watching some netflix. He listens to and accepts the hard, raw feelings with wisdom and understanding that a good night’s sleep will refresh and help add perspective. And he loves deeply. With such compassion and thought. And has such self control to laugh at his own mistakes with sincere humor. He gets up after my nightmare and checks the house so I can sleep easier. He smashes those NASTY creek bugs that make my skin crawl. And he runs to be my teammate before I’ve even voiced a need. And NO he’s not up for grabs. I got him. He’s mine!!! =) I really am blessed beyond measure.

But most importantly, my Matthew is a WONDERFUL God-honoring man. His heartbeat is true to His Creator. Kingdom work remains on his mind. And poverty, human trafficking, social injustice and people’s’ lostness bring tears to his eyes. He is passionate about the Word and his passion is grounded in unshakable assurance. He is willing to do the hard and thankless work that God would receive all the glory. And he is completely honest when he messes up, trying again and fighting HARD the good fight to keep the Faith. His heart bleeds for the Lord, communicating the Lord to me, his kids, his extended family, the church and the world. He will go and do and be whenever and wherever the Lord calls. He is rock solid in his faith and is the first to humbly admit his flaws. I am so thankful for a lifelong friendship with this brother in Christ.

Yep, today is my man’s birthday. And I could not be more proud of his sacrifice and devotion and reckless love.

Each year keeps getting better and better.

I am so unbelievably blessed…

by my Matthew.

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Happy Birthday, babe!

– I love you so.

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So Darlene

I still remember riding bikes to the park at the end of the cul-de-sac. Me on the boys bike, borrowed from an unknowing little brother. And she on her bike (back when riding a bike was still on the agenda). The breeze in her red hair. The sky speckled with bright white clouds. The wind rustling the trees. Nothing really to do. No pressing schedules. Just me and her. And an afternoon all to ourselves.

Darlene. Saying her name brings back a flood of wonderful memories. Little did I know when I met her at our hometown church as a young child that some twenty years later we’d fly across the country and she’d drive a state over to spend time together.

We packed everything we owned and trucked it across the country. Funny how my Daddy would make a profession out of moving people cross-country later. Only this time it was us. I was excited. Scared. Anxious. The goodbye didn’t feel real. Surely I’d see Darlene next weekend. I turned nine on the road. It was the first year I remember not having her at my birthday party.

We went back to visit when I was in fifth or sixth grade. We missed “home”. Things still felt new in Ohio and weird. The accents still felt foreign. Why did everyone assume I knew how to surf? Darlene still felt like home. Funny how you can pick back up right where you left off with a few year gap.

Then came the news that she had saved her money. Not just for her ticket. But for her mom’s too. She came and visited. She stayed for many days. She watched me graduate High School. It was great to have my old friend back. There were no string attached. There was no guilt trip about lack of writing letters. There was no pressure. No expectation. Just her smile. And hugs all around. Good friends are like that. Even with years of “different worlds”.

I can’t quite remember if I found her on facebook or she found me. It’d been so long. College graduation. Marriage. And kid…. soon to be kids. I couldn’t believe it. That same beautiful smile. Those same bright eyes. That same welcome mat. Some things about people never change… especially when they’re so good.

A surprise package came in the mail. The thing weighed a ton. The box was the size of two of my toddlers. The neighbors must have enjoyed watching a very pregnant me drag it in from the strong July heat. The girls’ eyes were huge. I could barely believe my eyes as I read the tag. “From Darlene”. It was packed full of summer fun for the girls. Indoor summer activities. Things I could do with them while remaining in the air conditioning. Tears welled in my eyes. Her generosity stunned me.

And then another package silently came. Two days before my induction date. Hospital bags packed with goodies for the new big sisters and some precious outfits and a welcome-home wreath for our soon-to-be new addition. How could someone be so thoughtful? How could someone have such heart for little girls she had never even met? All I can say is… It’s just Darlene.

And then came our last trip. Funny how for a moment I was nervous. Would it be the same Darlene? She’s married now. And a big professional at work. I mean she travels. And I’m just a stay-at-home Mom. And it blew me away again… how easily she was thrilled to drive from a state away. “I’ll go wherever and do whatever. It’ll be great”. Her smile melted away all my doubts. I had forgotten in a moment who I was meeting up with. It’s Darlene for crying out loud. Darlene!

It was one of those days I wish never ended. Her smile is so contagious. Her heart so kind.

I wish my girls could find a friend like her in life. A friend who doesn’t disappear with distance. A friend who doesn’t just live in the past, but dares to create a present no matter how much time passes. A friend who just cares. No strings attached.

I can only pray I have been that friend to her as well.

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My two favorite red-heads.

– Love ya, Darlene. You’re such a wonderful friend.

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By His Hand

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yd9VEgsM2G4]

Foster care is hard. Caring for five children is hard. Caring for two babies six weeks apart in age is hard.

Those three sentences are the understatements of the year.

I would be lying to pretend that this was all easy. Mothering these five came so unnaturally and yet naturally to me.

I was always the one to say “I never want to have twins”.

I can still say that.

I don’t have twins.

I have “harder than twins” because my two are on two different need levels, two different sleep levels, two different skill levels and two different “how I understand love” levels while being so close that they are SUPER dependent.

It is hard. Very hard.

And I am thankful that even in the ugliness of the stripping of myself down to my raw haven’t-showered-for-days self, down to the very depths of my sanity shakings… Grace always finds me there.

I cannot do this.

The schedule is exhausting. The workload is intense. The constant lists, the constant balancing, the constant pouring out of everything that I have and everything that I am…

And yet I am blessed to find a groove. To turn and dry my wrinkled dishwater hands and find them… all five of them… smiling and delighting with large legos spread about. Little Man freshly wrapped in a blanket thanks to my toddler, Lil Red knocking down towers that Big Guy and my Commentator delightedly race to build so she can do likewise. And my dear Lil Blondie mothering Little Man and scooting nearby blocks closer to him so he can mouth them.

I don’t deserve this kind of blessing.

I don’t deserve their little hands in mine.

That’s grace for ya.

By the hand of God, our little mashed family of seven somehow works … even in the chaos.

– Thank you, Jesus.

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Wordless Wednesdays: Quiver Full

Psalm 127: 3-5

Children are a heritage from the Lord,
offspring a reward from him.
Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are children born in one’s youth.
Blessed is the man
whose quiver is full of them.

During a battle not all arrows stay in the quiver. And we don’t know how long each of these arrows will stay with us. Time is never promised. But we’re delighting in our full quiver.

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– Adore these dear ones.

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Music Monday: From Exasperated Lips

Running is a very spiritual thing for me. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to tell by my overly-labored breathing and red face that running comes in no way naturally to me. It is a fight. A battle between flesh and spirit.

Sometimes the flesh wins and I cut the run short, giving up on finding a rhythm or pace in which to endure.

But the majority of the time the spirit wins… overcoming the frustrated and throbbing flesh.

I have gotten the opportunity to begin running again. The weather’s turned just warm enough to not completely burn my throat. The world is a little less hectic. And it just feels like time. In so many ways. It’s just time.

I picked up the old mp3 player . (Yes, I’m still living in the world of record players. 😉 No I don’t have an iPod).

With a new battery, underarmor, and a selected route I hit the great outdoors.

The first mile was the usual “dragging from the tailgate of a car over shards of glass” and then the breathing and rhythm regulated. The body hit the groove. And the slower songs on the mp3 player weren’t as bothersome. I was in the groove. I no longer relied on the bass drum to keep pace.

I skipped a selection here or there when I hit a funk, fell a little off balance and needed the “keep up with me” pace.

My usual mix is a bunch of worship songs from various places and stages in my life. There’s the classic Apex worship. And the deep Job-like raw songs.

But somewhere near the end of my route this one came up. It’s an automatic “crank up the volume and be ready to hit repeat” one. There’s something about it. Those words. That all-out truth. A lifesong.

An absolute lifesong.

I tripped and fell on the median grass while closing my eyes. I couldn’t have cared how stupid I looked. My only audience was smiling. And I was pouring it all out for Him. He’s the reason I run. He’s the reason I want to whip this body into shape. I want to be used. Because He’s everything. And I’ll never be the same.

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So if you see me running through the neighborhood, with my beat red face, arms raised and a mud stain on my right pantleg, you’ll know I’ve been listening to it again. Come and join me in singing along… from exasperated lips.

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