Category: thankful and grateful

Beside Him

I could have saved this for a Wordless Wednesday, but I decided not to.
We had a family photo shoot a handful of weeks ago… you know, on one of the coldest and worst rainy days of the month – so life goes. (shrugs) It’s all good.

And while “tangible reinforcement” (*ahem* mild bribery) was needed to counteract a few ugly moods the oldest two “of course” woke up in post-nap, I was so grateful to have a dear friend Kassie (KLW photography) taking the pics. She can stinkin’ work miracles, I’m tellin’ ya. Though the girls came around just fine after fully waking up post-nap and while every mom has been in that position, I again, can’t speak enough about Kassie’s ability to love my girls into their normal level of genuine joy. [Thanks again, Kassie.]

But amidst the girls’ cuteness, Kassie took a moment to photograph a few of Matt and I. We were just us, after we got three little girls bundled, and two snacking. It was funny to have a blast from our past in the same park we photographed our engagement pics in. And there we were 5 years later, loving life more than we ever could have imagined.

And it’s when you’re married to your best friend that pics like this just happen…

– Love him so.

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Not So WordLESS Wednesday…

This Wednesday I wanted to share a picture, but this one requires a few more words. So it’s a “Not so Wordless Wednesday” over in these parts, but next week I’ll return to the more wordLESS side.

This is copied from an email. I had debated whether or not to share this, but I decided to share this because I think God will reap the glory.

“Matt was cleaning out the bathroom today when he emerged with it on the way to the trash. “Suppose we can throw out your old pregnancy test?” He chuckled. I had forgotten I had held onto it from when we first learned we would be welcoming our third child to the household. “I guess that one came to fruition, huh?” I laughed back as he tossed it in the trash and returned to his cleaning. I remember choosing not to throw it away so quickly. Something about having miscarried Alivia before made me want to cling to the hope of getting to see the next baby’s ultrasound. It almost solidified more in my mind that even if we lost this baby, she was real. Alivia felt like such a haze of misfortune and I just wanted to hold onto something real. I could not protect the baby, no more than I could protect Alivia.

I remember coming home with the first set of sonogram pictures. Our little peanut-baby. And wondering if we’d ever get to a second set of pictures this time. I trusted God. He gives and takes away and makes the best of every situation – even the hurts. I put the pregnancy test back in the bathroom cabinet. It still showed positive.

The second set of pictures came at 12 weeks and it was like a breath of fresh air. But there also lay the reality and the sting of past loss. I chose to hold onto the pregnancy test. It still showed positive.

I could have thrown it away when I first felt Hannah move. She was clearly proof in herself that thus far God had chosen for us to keep the child. But I left it put just for a little while longer. It still showed positive.

And when we came home from the hospital holding our precious Hannah in our arms, the test got pushed to the back of the cabinet some sleepy morning in search of the toothpaste. It got lost somewhere in the new challenge of raising three little ones, on a handful of hours of sleep. It still showed positive.

—

I fished the test out of the trash. [Don’t freak out, it was on the top. (hehe)] I just wanted to take a picture. So I grabbed the sonogram pictures from the fridge door and brought them over to the swing. I laid them on her sleeping little body, beside the “gangrene test”, Matthew and I had joked about. I took a picture.

Sure you can count me weird.

But I just wanted to remember how it felt…

to be standing in front of an answered prayer. ”

– Thanks be to God.

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Thanksgiving

God, thank You for a country where I don’t fear for my girls’ physical safety throughout the day and at night.

God, thank You for a community where I can leave laundry on the line and toys out in my yard and they’re still there in the morning.

God, thank You for the freedom to read books about struggles that are so far removed from me.

God, thank You for safety and Your hand of protection on my family.

God, thank You that when the burglar broke in through the nursery window, entering and exiting through the girls’ room last May no one was harmed. Thank You for allowing the girls to sleep through it all and be oblivious to the danger You saved them from. Thank You that they still sleep soundly and safely in their room to this day.

God, thank You for a government that even in it’s sinfulness, still stands on most terms of protecting life and governing those who threaten the quality of life.

God, thank You for sparing my direct family from direct involvement in the utter destruction and soul-ripping pains of human trafficking. We didn’t get to pick where we were born, so thank You for this undeserved blessing.

God, thank You for sparing us, thus far, from the utter horrors of child soldiers, sexual abuse, torture, in-country combat war, abandonment, violence, rape, slavery and so many of the other ways mankind can find to inflict terror upon each other. Lord, don’t let me take it for granted that You have spared us from this, thus far. Please don’t let me get lost in my little world of blessing that I’d become so sheltered from the pains around this world… and please help me to fight the real battles, leaving the civil arguments amidst warm houses filled with more than we could ever need. Lord, please help me to run HARD after You, promoting Your justice to save us, mankind, from ourselves.

God, thank You so much for ALL that You have given me and opened my eyes to.

Now, Lord, help me to use that wisdom to fight the good fight, win the race and keep the faith.

You are more than enough.

Where You lead me, I will follow.

I love You, Lord.

– Amen.

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Ninepence’s Less

I sat down to read the usual Adventure Missionary reading while the girls fell asleep. Hannah, who had waited patiently for her lunch, snuggled in for her feeding as I rocked, read and fed. Rachael and Abi laid silently in their beds, initially twiddling a finger here and there and later fast asleep.

I love reading the Christian Heroes: Then & Now series to the girls. I love that in one effort my little ones get to fall asleep to my voice, have a specific and daily set-aside time to hear the testimony of heroes of the faith, and that I get the privilege to soak in some “beyond picture books” reading.

I read this today and it really resounded in my heart:

Gladys realized that she could not leave the little girl to possibly die in the hands of such a heartless person. She stopped and turned and stared at the woman. “I don’t have that much cash, but I will give you what I have in my pocket.”

The woman smiled slyly. “And how much would that be?” she asked.

Gladys fished around in her jacket pocket and pulled out a few copper cash coins, equal to ninepence in English money. She held the coins out on her open palm for the woman to see.

“Done,” the woman declared, grasping for the money. “Take her away.”

Gladys took the hand of the little girl, who she decided must be about four or five years old. Together they continued on down the street. By the time Gladys reached the inn, the enormity of what she had just done began to dawn on her. She had just bought, or adopted, as she preferred to think of it, a little girl. Just like that, she had become a mother. 

Ninepence, as the girl quickly became known, gulped down every scrap of food she was given. Within weeks she had turned into a healthy, happy little girl. She loved living at the inn, and Gladys never had a moment of regret that she’d followed her heart and not the mandarin’s command. 

One day, after Ninepence had been living at the inn about six months, Gladys was standing on the upstairs balcony. Suddenly, she saw Ninepence come running through the gate into the courtyard.

“Ai-weh-deh [name given to Gladys by the Chinese and translated: “virtuous one”],” Ninepence yelled, “are you hungry tonight?”

Gladys thought the question rather odd, but she answered it. “Yes, I am, and Yang is making us a delicious millet stew.”

Ninepence looked up at her. “I’m going to eat a little less at dinner. If I eat a little less, would you eat a little less, too?” she asked. 

“Why would we do that?” inquired Gladys. 

“I found a boy out here, and he is hungry,” Ninepence said, pointing to the gate. “If I eat less, and you eat less, and we put those two lesses together, we would have enough to feed him, too.”

Gladys smiled to herself. Ninepence was always on the lookout for children in need. “Yes, I will eat less with you, and the boy can eat with us. Bring him in,” she said.

 And so it was, that an eight-year-old orphan boy also became part of the family. 

 – excerpt from “Gladys Aylward: The Adventure of a Lifetime” by Janet & Geoff Benge

It just got me to thinking and praying…

Lord, that I would eat less.

Lord, that more would eat less. Then we could put our lesses together to feed others and bring them into the family. 

… Amen.

– To God be the glory.

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That Beautiful Adventure in Her Eyes

I remember babysitting a lot while in high school. My church had a lot of young families, providing a lot of babysitting opportunities. I remember the fun times, endless candyland games, and various obstacle courses designed in the hours of entertainment. I also remember the first time I met families, that opportunity to smooth over the introductions and read a child quickly to figure out what kind of challenges presented themselves once the parents waved goodbye.

I had nearly completed the fall transfer of clothing. The girls were growing again (funny how that always happens) and the last of the cooler weather clothes needed to make their way into the closets from the boxes. We have been blessed with hand-me-downs from a few generous families and thrift-store loving little ladies from our church. My girls are thrilled with anything new to them.

Maybe it was the way I did her hair yesterday, in her two Laura Ingalls Wilder braids. Or maybe it was the last of the “toddler” style clothing exiting her wardrobe. Or maybe it was her laying on the floor this morning repeating a book for memory, “reading” to her sister. Or maybe it’s in the way she always seems to find an imaginary wayward chick to nurture back to health. Or maybe it was seeing my baby Rachael in Hannah’s eyes.

But suddenly I realized that she is a little girl. The toddler has long gone, never to return. She is one of those little girls I used to love to babysit. That little girl I spent a summer nannying, studying and investing in. She’s like one of those babysitting kids I couldn’t wait to get to watch, only I get to keep her for a little while longer.

She’s on the edge of schooling. Growing. Changing. Independently blooming. And her little browns remind me of the ones I see in old photographs of a small, auburn haired adventurer who used to care for imaginary forest creatures whom had lost their way and needed a mother.

I always thought she looked a little like me. When Abi came along it sealed the deal. Abi is her Daddy. Rachael is a little variation of me. But it’s so odd and amazing and tear-provoking all in one to watch her grow into my most distant childhood memories.

She is brilliant and curious and wild and gentle all in one. She is independent and just wanting to be held all at the same time.

And while three little ones encourages my day to be filled with wiping noses, picking up stray toys, dishes (if I can get to them), and laundry and more laundry, there is something about that smile of her’s. That smirk of delight mixed with a little wild excitement. That smile of contentment and joy in discovering something new. That light in her eyes… she’s just so alive. And I want nothing more than to drink it all in, living in the imaginary world of rescued chicks, fairy cottages, and ballerina concerts.

I adore her. She is such an utter delight.

My Rachael. 

– thankful and blessed.

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