Category: that’s just life

57 Dollars of Silence

There is danger in believing that we deserve something. There is danger in elevating ourselves and puffing ourselves up to “deserve better than this” or “deserve” an ice cream or a long walk on the beach. We can begin to set ourselves up for not only a superiority complex with others who are “depriving us” of the things we “deserve”, but we can also begin to look upon our current situation as the enemy. If I deserve an ice cream, then not getting an ice cream or worse yet, being deprived of an ice cream is absolutely unacceptable. Can you imagine the level of selfishness that could come out of an “I deserve” lifestyle?

Sometimes I slip dangerously close to justifying “I deserves” in my mind. I’m sure I’m not the only one out there. I think that’s one of the reasons God makes it so clear that we must serve Him with our minds as well as our hearts, bodies and souls. Our mind is an outpouring of our heart. You harness in what your heart believes and shut out the untruth that pops into your mind when it is in conflict with your heart… the very heart Christ redeemed.

Breaks can be that way, as a mother. They can be highly appreciated when happened upon, or I can choose to live my life in discontentment of “never getting a break” from my fill in the blank (kids, laundry, dishes, cleaning up cat puke, you name it). I can look at a break with gratitude as it arises and as I am able to incorporate it into my schedule or I can live a lifestyle of exhaustion and loathing getting the “short end of the deal” by being “on-call” 24/7.

It’s all an exercise of the mind. What truth and untruth am I clinging to?

I found a quiet moment out tonight, pumping $56 dollars of lifesavings into our van.  😉 The cold, quiet breeze refreshing my soul. The dark, wearing down minutes of eight thirty dancing headlights and neon fast food restaurants across the horizon. Winter dark freezing time, stilling time. The pulsing click of the pump as the numbers turned and turned before the receipt was printed. Still. Quiet. Breathing deep.

The wait I didn’t mind. No where to be. No demands. Liberty. The teenager asked for my order as I pulled a ten from my wallet. The last of my allowance money for the month felt so freeing in my hand. One dollar ice cream cone of cheap and liberating delight. Sunday driving on the way home, soaking up the wind rustling the van windows and watching the neighborhood settle in for the night.

I don’t deserve this. I didn’t earn this. It has been given me. The enjoyment of life. The fast and the slow. The loud making an appreciation and a soaking in of the quiet. The quiet refreshing for the loud.

Thank you, Lord, for the break. Unplanned escape.
The 57 dollars of silence.

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Goodmorning World

I woke up early this morning and thought how I should use my time productively. Don’t you like how quiet it is in the world before the day really begins? Maybe only you morning people know what I’m talking about. You sleep-in people are just laughing. 😉

I could feel the crisp air outside, unseasonably warm, yet still cool. I didn’t even have to be out there thanks to large sliding glass doors. A train or two announcing their presence in the distance. Yes, the sweet sounds of morning.

The agenda today is one of delighting in fellowship. I look forward to spending some time with “the cousins” at a local children’s museum. We usually have homeschooling today, but thus is the joy of homeschooling that we bumped it to yesterday to accommodate a little over-due visiting.

As a gracious part of Matt’s parent’s Christmas gift to our family, they gave us season passes to a local children’s museum and then expanded the pass to include a whole host of nearby museums and attractions (like zoos) around the United States. Such a thoughtful and blessing-filled bunch they are, those Grandparents. “The Cousins” have a similar pass and thus play dates in the quiet mid-morning hours of the weekdays have spurred and continue to spur from such delights.

Last night I wasted a few hours on the couch beside Mr. Right, soaking in American Idol (really the auditions are the best part of that show) and “The Finder”. It’s not something I pride myself on doing, sitting and watching TV for two hours, but sometimes the cleaning and homeschooling prep is done and it’s nice to do something together. Hopefully we’ll get back to our Lego video games soon. =) It’s fun to whack someone to pieces (literally) in laughing play. I love how we can be “kids” together.

Read some encouraging reports on an old friend’s adoption blog. Ironically enough, I watched her children when they were younger than mine are currently. That’s one crazy thought that ages me. I’m excited to track their unification story as they bring home their newest family members from Haiti – a sibling group of three, adding to their bio three. Such a wonderful time of celebration and love.

Got report that my dear friend, Theresa, has malaria. Thank the Good Lord for medicine that makes Malaria common-cold oriented to dear African missionaries. God is such a good God to give those willing to serve “the least of these” a safety net too. Praying rest and healing over Theresa.

This weekend holds another Upward basketball game – this time scrimmaging my Matt. Hehehe. Let the competition begin. Kidding – that’s nothing like Upward. But we can sure pass silly glances back and forth during the game of “you’re going down.” My sweet little team is so pumped up to hear their names called and enjoy their moments of glory. Hoping my girls will be cooperative and kind to Mama amid their involuntary personal cheer leading recruitment. They’ve done decently at cracker and coloring book distractions amid my “coaching techniques”. (“Get on out there and play kids…. good luck, have fun!”)  I’m proud of my “try to sit still” toddler and “I just want to be a part of it all” preschooler. They have had many examples of patience and grace from the “player’s bench.”

Hope you’re able to get out and enjoy this unseasonably warm weather we’ve been having. The neighborhood has been thoroughly graced with our “let’s take a walk” presence lately – let alone the park. Though I must say that as she is beginning to come into her own personality, Ms. Rachael, has voiced her “inside over outside” opinions over the past few days. It doesn’t change her UV ray needs, but alas, her bookworm character is almost fully emerged. I can foresee many book picnics in seasons to come for my pasty-white brunette. Oh, but Blondy? She’s too busy exploring all the new things she can do “all by herself” to slow down for any foolish indoor play.

We “rode” our bikes over at the church gym yesterday. My preference was outside. Rachael’s preference was inside watching a movie. So we compromised and we got indoor gym play. The bikes are only as fun as pedaling frustrations. But the bleachers? Oh they are a whole new level of joy. For 20 minutes there was bleacher play: walking the bleachers, crawling through the bleachers, crawling under legs on the bleachers. Repetition, repetition, repetition. And the joy thereof. Activity comes in all forms – I’m just thrilled for activity.

And speaking of activity, I better get my devotion time in because activity will be waking in an hour.

Thanks for sharing in this journey with me.

How have you been journeying lately?

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Back Again

Well I’m back, with the darkage of computerlessness still ongoing, but finding refuge in “stealing” hubby’s work computer in the mornings and evenings. Christmas was wonderful, I’ll drop in a post specific to it’s wonders in a while. And New Years was…. well, normal for our little family of small children. We certainly weren’t staying up since our bunch would be up at regular time. And we figured our morning gales coming over the monitor would sound more like crows cutting into our beauty rest should we have chosen to stay up til the wee hours of the morning. So we grannied it. =)

I am quite happy to have visited with my dear friend, Theresa, as in “THE Will and Theresa” my missionary friends over in Jos, Nigeria. They visited back for “the holidays” and I got to steal me some time of “tell me about your world.” I’m sure they only had to explain their little world once or twice during their visit back to the States (wink, wink). It was so nice to talk about Jos as if it was in my backyard and also drill her about Jos life (sorry Theresa, hehe) without having to wait for an emailed reply.

Rachael’s 3rd birthday was January 5, which felt like an extension of the holiday called Christmas-New-Years. Funny how those seem to come back to back, as if the week between them just vanishes. I’ll post about Rachael’s birthday in another post. Afterall, the firstborn deserves her own post. 😉

But nonetheless, we are just started to get back to normal things here (minus Abi’s recent oogies). I have washed all the dolls, stuffed toys, doll accessories, and dress-up clothes in attempt to clear off some of the “to do” list before homeschool starts back up again. I also got Rachael’s bedding done and my pillow case and blanket. Now all I have to wash are Matt’s blankets/pillow case, our sheets, and Abi’s jumble of blanket heaven. I feel all accomplished because I tackled the pileS of baby/toddler clothes that needed organized into their appropriate storage bins and got the house nicely organized, putting up all the old baby toys and cleaning out the playroom over the “holiday season” as well.

So, alas, here we are at the tale end of cleaning frenzy and almost ready to swing back into homeschool mania! (By the way, I just LOVE the flexibility of homeschool!!!) WOOT!

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Oh to be the baby!

  • Climb in and out of the Lego toy bin for 6 minutes.
  • Wander the house.
  • Find paci – the long-lost friend- amid the nursery pile of baby blankets that are supposed to go there and certainly not in the crib where Mommy puts them with me to sleep. 
  • Talk to paci, reciting his name affectionately a handful of times before putting him in his right place – where he fits so well. Paci remains in my mouth for the next 24 minutes. 
  • Immediate hand to rub that one comfortable place on my belly. It always happens that way when paci is in place.
  • More hallway walking.
  • Climb up on the couch – oh the effort- and bang the blinds a while – what a joyful event!
  • Talk to ride-on cow about the latest happenings.
  • Throw all the blankets off the couch Rachael put up there for her babies earlier this morning.
  • Drag one of the blankets back over to share with cow, resuming our intimate meeting by the cat tree.
  • More hallway wandering.
  • Drag the play guitar on the kitchen floor. It sounds so funny that it makes me smile.
  • Roll on the living room floor while kicking my legs in the air.
  • Try to ride the cat carrier.
  • Eyeballs peeking up over the table edge and putting an arm up there in hopes of finding treasure.
  • Smack a few magnets off the fridge as I walk by.
  • Wooden puzzle time- putting all the circle piece on their pegs. Dumping over my head and redoing.
  • Abandon puzzle.
  • OOOOOH look! Mommy caught a meow! – HURRY! Hurry!
  • Calling “Meow’s!” and confusion why they run when I just want to give them big hugs while squealing.
  • Wander around looking for Rachael.
  • Observe Rachael’s play.
  • Show Daddy the necklaces Rachael dropped.
  • Laugh and flap my arms in excitement that he might put them on me.
  • Wear necklaces with pride – parading through the playroom.
  • Turn a few nearby toys in my hands to inspect them.
  • Join in Rachael’s marching-band parade with the addition of jingle bells.
  • Oh look! Books!
  • Abandon parade route and instrument.
  • Commence edible book review.
  • Talk to Daddy on play phone, then give Mommy a turn.
  • Run to Mommy saying, “neigh, neigh” and flapping my arms so she’ll put me on the rocking horse.
  • “Down” gets me off.
  • Laughing that “down” worked. 
  • Ooooh! Daddy’s putting Rachael in her food chair! How exciting! RUN!

This has been a 35 minute walk in her little shoes.

– love her.

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A Little Lull

Just letting you all know, there may be a lull for a little while in my posting. A good while ago my computer’s mother-board bit the dust. I had borrowed a computer for a little while, but we’re still looking for a permanent fix to this situation. The computer I borrowed needed to be returned before we were able to fix the situation. So for the next little while, Matt and I will be sharing his work computer (which is only available to me when he’s home). This really isn’t a big deal, people, because the emails and posts can wait – they’re not life-sustaining. =) 
But I will miss the fun as we continue to figure this puzzle piece out. =) 
So know I still love you all, even if I am quiet for a while. =)
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