Category: the New Middle Child

In Our Arms

Our newest church member was starting to get fussy. It had been a long day of stimulus with feeding time and bed time right around the corner. He found self-soothing in his hand, slurping and enjoying the semi-controlled friend. Mommy came out of her class to pace a bit with him, concerned that his sucking was amplified and distracting for others. I offered to take him. not because she couldn’t handle him. I knew my offer wouldn’t communicate to her my lack of confidence in her ability. She willingly handed him off, happy to share the blessing of a snuggler.

We chatted a bit as I held him.

He kept his eyes on her, flashing her a smile each time she came into closer view. A bright, vibrant smile no one else could get. The sign of full trust and confidence.

Then he started to get fussy again, the hand and the pacifier were not enough. She reached to take him back as he worked himself into a little fit. Within seconds of smelling her hair and feeling that familiar bounce at her shoulder, he nuzzled closer and settled down. Self-control and patience returned to him. His security in her spoke volumes. That was his Mommy. The right one. And he was in the right place.

I had forgotten what it was like in the beginning. O, I’ve always loved the snuggling and thanks to my current youngest, she has carried most of her snuggling traits/needs well into toddlerhood. But there’s something different about that beginning snuggling. Before words can be communicated… wants, needs… When baby looks to your cues and reads your body language like a book, and you theirs.

And there is something precious in the blessing of feeling their comfort in Mommy’s arms. Just holding sometimes is enough. The confidence, reassurance and peace they find in Mommy’s voice, soft touch and gentle bounces. Mommy knows the best way to snuggle, the right positions, that comfy spot.

It all came flooding back. And in that moment I wanted to hold Hannah right then and there… physically wrapping her in the love we have for her. Giving her the confidence and the comfort and the peace that God has blessed Mothers to give…

She was kicking and squirming again last night. And she’s kicking and squirming again this morning. Evidence of her timer not being done for a little while yet – she has too much room still. =)

But some day she may get to read this and know that she was so loved from the very beginning…

before we ever once held her in our arms…

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Nipping Bad Habits

In evaluating the household (important thing to do periodically), I’ve come to the realization that we have fallen into a few bad habits.  Abi – screaming/crying/tantrumming more when things don’t go her way. Rachael – being quite bossy in play.  And me – not being more involved in discipleship. On the outside these are very normal things. Moms get tired, three year olds get bossy in an effort for “independence” and directing “more advanced role play”, and nearly two year olds become overcome with emotions and, thus, begin tantrumming. But could you imagine what we would be like if Jesus decided to stop discipling because “we were just acting normally” and thus left us to our own demise? Not a pretty picture.

So I was thinking of practical ways to nip these few bad habits in the butt, or at least try our best to work toward great self-control.

So for me – it means intentionality, greater listening and more calm responses.
Rachael – practicing hospitality and greater problem-solving in including Abi in play and interpreting Abi’s wants/needs.
Abi – using words to express her wants/needs and compromising.

And how do Rachael and Abi advance those skills? You got it, Mommy’s modeling (you didn’t know I was a model in my spare time did you?).

This may sound like technical mumbo-jumbo but the reality is that I need to show my children how to play, respect each other, and, in turn, love each other “right where they are.” This should be an intentional thing because, just like anyone, we all struggle with our sin nature that says, “MINE!”, “DO THIS!”, and “GO AWAY!” No one needed to teach me selfishness and I sure haven’t needed to teach my kids either. But the way I model respect and love in our household is their foundation for all their interactions outside of the home.

Please hear me clearly that I am not expecting perfection. Abi and Rachael have yet to give their lives to Christ, and therefore cannot live out the full hospitality, love and grace that the Holy Spirit within us fosters.But me, on the other hand, being in Christ, that’s a different story. I may be the voice of reason here for a good long while (and I think I should be) but I also desire for Rachael and Abi to have a clear picture of what treating other’s like “in Jesus” or “while thinking about Jesus” should look like as opposed to thinking only of self. Since primarily morality is a parent’s discipleship tool as we wait and pray for the Scriptures to stir up within our kids, it’s important to make clearly defined expectations. It goes beyond not wanting our kids to be fools in public (not the point), but it’s figuring out the reality of living with and truly enjoying the lifestyle of your kids. Putting up with behaviors only goes so far in a hands-off approach. Children never grow into moral maturity on their own. Heck, adults don’t even grow into moral maturity on their own. We need constant examples, grace and someone to come alongside us to love us into self-control in Christ.

We still will have our off days and off moments of “please, you just go play over there by yourself and you way over there by yourself.” But I have been encouraged by the small progresses just a morning’s worth of intentional training has produced: Rachael asking Abi with a please to play certain ways and respecting her “no” and alternative way of play despite not wanting to, Abi using more words quickly after her initial 2 second explosion or not even exploding twice, and me really focusing on discipleship and showing my kids more of Jesus in grace and practical love.

It sounds like simple things, and it is! But sometimes the simplest things are the hardest to build a consistent self-control when you look at the big picture of where you wish you could be. Step by step, situation by situation… I’m reminded of our encouragement to never grow tired of doing good (2 Timothy 3:13) and our responsibility as parents to train our children in the way they should go (Proverbs 22:6). Training takes time, extra effort, modeling and grace.

God teaches me best through open eyes to His example of parenting me. And I am so blessed that He lovingly, quietly and gently sits down beside me, guiding me into the way I should better treat  and teach others.  Teaching hospitality and kindness breeds hospitality and kindness in myself.

– Learning with my kids.

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Our "Mat Man"

For homeschooling today we continued our focus on anatomy. We’ve been randomly talking about body features (rated G) throughout our routine. Cat anatomy is fun as we catch a run-by “volunteer” (who forgives easily with a few treats).

After completing our lessons on M (we took Friday off), we jumped into our “Mat Man” activity. Now I totally robbed this idea from Handwriting Without Tears so don’t give me any of the credit for the idea. I didn’t think they’d mind since I already bought something from them and they post their lessons online for the taking. But instead of buying their “Mat Man” parts and books, I used two bottle caps (different sizes for distinguishing two different parts), cut outs of Rachael’s hands and feet (better than this, especially since they don’t include feet and we had fun tracing), and “hair” made from the scraps of cloth diaper fleece – Holler! It took me about 5 minutes on the sewing machine to make up my “hair” so that it’ll survive at least two more kids and now belong in the “Mat Man” bag of body parts. hehe. I also used my own $.29 (from Hobby Lobby) rubber foam rectangle (better than this price) for the body and used my previously cut out letter pieces for the outlines.  I also made eyes from leftover pieces of poster board foam after making the traced and cut out letter pieces that we use in our introduction to letters. (A cheaper version of this while still purchasing this from the company.)

Here’s our “Mat Man”:

I first started out by putting him together myself, as Rachael and I referenced to features that belong on a body. Then we took our magnifying glass and used it as a pointer/inspector of specific body parts, labeling them on ourselves as we labeled them on “Mat Man”.

 “the nose”

“the neck”

We also labeled them on Abi of course! And did you catch that from the above picture that Abi took the initiative of labeling herself amidst our lesson [byproduct of an engaged listener =) ].

Then I took “Matt Man” apart and had Rachael rebuild him, identifying all of his parts.

She had also traced/cut out her own hands and Abi’s feet (hard to keep your own feet flat while tracing, plus we like to include Abi wherever we can) on black paper and used them on her version of “Mat Man” before we pasted them to a paper and decorated them with leftover Easter stickers. =)

Abi made herself ready to join Rachael “at” school this morning. –>
 
Tongue helps for concentration. 😉

I chose, for the sake of Rachael’s previous anatomy knowledge, to divide the arm into two sections, highlighting the elbow (an open space on “Mat Man”) in between and showing how our arms could bend either direction due to the elbow. I did likewise with the legs and then had Rachael identify upper and lower arms and legs. She was just a bit ready for a slightly more detailed look at anatomy than a single representation of the arm or leg as one piece. To expand upon this lesson in the future, we will bring “Mat Man” back out and enjoy positioning “Mat Man” in various positions due to his elbows and knees providing motion. This way we can also talk about needing energy for motion (beginning science) and how food processed through the digestive track allows for the making of energy – thus enabling us to run and jump and move, etc. We’ve just barely introduced this topic at current, only emphasizing that many things inside help us to sleep, eat, drink, breathe and move.

Rachael has also begun to have casual conversation identifying what things are and are not “alive” and why/how we know that. We have identified eating, breathing, drinking, and sleeping as indicators of life at this point (we’re not into photosynthesis or bacterial life yet – wink,wink). It has been a fun game which also spurred on the unexpected thought from the three year old that “sometimes I pretend my dolls are alive, but they’re not really,” and how drawn objects and created things, like “Mat Man” are a symbol of being alive, but are not actually alive. She really kinda floored me with that line of analytical thought. So “Mat Man” has also been tied to using our imaginations and the distinction between real and pretend.

Rachael was very proud of her ability to create “Mat Man” (hense the initiative to “ta da!” in the picture) and clearly the wheels are turning about “alive” and “not alive” and how that relates to our daily life.

– Fun lesson indeed!

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Bargains Arise!

I went to a local kid sale today at a nearby church. I had been thinking over our baby stash, cloth diaper stash and what things we truly wanted to get prior to Hannah’s arrival. (Hannah – so nice to name her kicks and soon-to-be snuggles.) Having two girls 17 months apart can put some serious wear and tear on your baby items and has left some birth to potty training items in need of replacing.

I have found the easiest “large sale” shopping to be done for a newbie who has yet arrived due to every size being a viable option. This allows for me to pass over items that are “too high” in my personal price without the pushing need to go home with something for the child to wear/use “today.”

So I have acquired the following things for a total of $28.

[Vibrating bouncer ($8 and CUTE), toddler shirt-bib, plastic toddler bib, plastic paint-smock bib, 2 receiving blankets (I see cloth wipes in the future), plastic-backed spit-up rag, 1 large namebrand cloth prefold diaper cover (Abi can wear now) [got it for $1 – resale price = $9], 1 medium cloth prefold diaper cover (got it for $1), 3 small namebrand cloth prefold diaper covers (visions of newborn to 4 month old Hannah in cloth) [avg. resale price per cover = $5-9. I got each one for $1-1.50], 5 plastic-backed bibs, 9 newborn-3 month bibs, 3 changing pad cloths (easy blow-out clean-up), and two 2T cloth pull-ups (for when Abi’s ready to start learning).]

All for TWENTY-EIGHT DOLLARS, people. And this wipes out half of our “we’d like to get before we bring Hannah home” list.

– Enough to bring a smile to anyone’s face on a rainy-thunderstorm day. =D

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Teaching Responsibility

We had a great time time last Thursday having a little practical lesson on responsibility. After the girls woke up from their naps, we took advantage of that fresh recharging of energy to work on a house chore together. This is one house chore that usually gets overlooked because, quite honestly, I just don’t think actively about it.

So since utter delight can be found in nearly every activity when you are 3 and nearly 2 years old, we all dropped to our knees and enjoyed us some wonderful kitchen floor ice skating.

The girls primarily just played, slopping suds about. But they did have some very nice scrubbing moments  as well while I washed up the floor. They enjoyed the opportunity to “help Mommy” and take responsibility for caring for the house with me. We talked about how everyone uses the kitchen and enjoys eating the food that is in the kitchen, therefore it’s nice for everyone to help in keeping it clean. Such joy and delight came from the accomplishment of the shining floor with a united cheer and we all had a very fun time with some water/bubble play. Rachael provided a soundtrack to our cleaning (she’s quite the songwriter) and Abi even took on the liberty of washing her legs, my little over-achiever. 😉

So with a shine, thus ends another fun lesson in responsibility and being family helpers.

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