Maybe I’m just getting older. In age and in the faith. Priorities are changing in my heart. Simple is taking hold. Home has more. Not more requirements, but more opportunities. The opportunity to just sit and read the Chronicles of Narnia into the quiet of sponge block play at my feet. To just sit with the girls and find every opportunity I can to complement their intentionality in their school work. “That O looks wonderful, Abi.” “What a beautifully curved eight, Rachael. Your eights have gotten so nice.” Just to see that smirk of pride. Just to see that confidence flair in the twinkle of their eyes. To crawl like kitties down the hallway with my toddler en route to her naptime bed. Just because she squeals when I climb into her converted crib and pretend to circle around to nap too. To just sit and see how many times I can get the tiniest to smile. Studying those inquisitive eyes. Or play peek-a-boo while she wiggles in the Johnny Jumper to the hum of the washing machine. Undistracted. Not multitasking. But fully present.

I’ve been convicted to put down my phone lately. It now lives in my Monica coffee cup in the same place on the counter. I wasn’t always on it for a bad reason. There was Christmas shopping and connecting to distant family and friends. But one day I looked up and saw their eyes. I had lost track of how long I’d been on the phone. Those eyes that said, “We miss you.” God spoke to me through those eyes. The very technology that was connecting me to others left me disconnected from those standing before me.

I went to the grocery store tonight by myself. The girls were quietly in their beds. The toddler long gone to dreamland. Matt was settling in to play a computer game against the silence of the rain falling outside. Tomorrow’s a baking day with a dear friend and her sweet little guy. A day full of sticky fingers, flour and play. Counting out cup-fulls of ingredients that I’m sure will find spills on the dining room carpet as four little ones anxiously await their prep chef turn. So I found myself wandering the aisles of our closest grocery and thinking: What are my priorities? What investment legacies will I leave from this upcoming week?

Pumpkin puree in hand, I thought of my children and their delight at helping. I thought of my friend and how much I desire to be an encourager and supporter in her life. It’s simple really. It’s the careful selecting of fruitful ingredients for the Kingdom work.

God has been molding me. Shaping me. Poking and prodding hurtful sores I’ve allowed to take hold in my life. He’s healing me into a new form of healthy. A stronger jaw set on hard work and quietness. He has caught my attention with a whisper in a crowded room of distraction. A whisper that penetrates to the depths of my soul. “Awake,” it stirs the creation trapped behind excuses and selfishness. What do I deserve, really? Is not all that I need right before me? It’s an awakening that stirs my heart to work. An outpouring of worship played through the intentionality of my soul. Live quietly. Work hard unto the Lord.

And in crawls cloth diapering back to the mix. Funny how my hands need hard work to keep my mind focused. And while I’m working the Word slips back into my mind, “Lazy hands make a man poor, but diligent hands bring wealth.” (Prov 10:4) And suddenly I realize we’re not just talking about financial prosperity here.

Suddenly the laundry becomes more manageable and I am able to “find time” to help with the dishes and do other house chores. As the burdens of housework feel lighter so does my heart. And my children begin memorizing more worship songs as they sing along to my cleaning soundtracks. I become interruptible to teach lessons that live in a world far deeper than the homeschooling file cabinet.

You know, hard work looks different for all of us. And I’ve found that having many children does not mean you work hard. It’s easy to have many children and be discontented. And lazy. And selfish. It’s easy to start thinking you deserve things. And time. And even acknowledgement. It’s easy to get lost in the world of “what can make my life easier” as if I really have it hard here in America with a roof over my head, and clean water, and food on the table and an encouraging family. As if it’s some hardship to get the choice of what to cook for dinner from the myriad of options. Even when we do have to go to the grocery store, our cupboards are still so full.

I dusted off their old clocks. Replaced the batteries. It’s time for our sponsor kids to be brought back to the dinner table conversations again. It’s time to look at their pictures in the compilation binder or artwork and contacts over the years. Put our hands on their handprints in their yearly health reports. It’s time to stop pretending that sending them a check is enough to teach my children – and really my own heart- that we are blessed to give. We ARE changed by giving.

I don’t have to sleep through the night. I don’t have to have the best carseat. The name brand, new stroller. I don’t even need to read all the kid articles on how to raise thankful kids. I don’t have to feel guilty for eating food with preservatives. Or putting a paper diaper on my toddler at nighttime. Or having dust on my pictures. It’s all distractions. There are so many arguments and tunnels that take us away from shedding light on the real thing.

I need to live unto the Lord. And sometimes that looks like crooked pictures because I let the toddler help me dust. Sometimes that looks like a silenced cell phone because I am not reachable during homeschooling unless it’s an emergency. Because it can wait. I’m teaching value in my children by whom I give my full attention. Sometimes it looks like going to bed early, because waking up at sunrise helps me serve my Lord better and that trickles down into how I find contentment.

I will forever be changed by a story from my dear missionary friend. While serving our Lord in Namibia, Africa with her husband, she had the privilege of investing in a young girl’s life through her education center. As she got to know the little girl she learned that this girl only had one pair of socks and therefore she went home daily and washed them, scrubbing them with soap and a rock and hanging them to dry before going to bed. She then got up early to dress for school and walked the great distance to school. My sweet Theresa vocalized the same thing we would all think upon seeing that situation. Poor child, let’s get her a second pair of socks so she doesn’t have to work that hard. She’s already cooking and cleaning for her whole household alongside her mother and trying desperately to be diligent in her studies as well. And Theresa’s African helper spoke the wisdom of God when she said, “No, we must not give her another pair of socks, lest she become lazy.”

At first that truth didn’t make sense to me. Become lazy?! Doesn’t she deserve to become lazy? Hasn’t she worked two days’ worth of work in one single day? Doesn’t she deserve a carefree childhood? Doesn’t she deserve toys? And her favorite meals? And a bicycle for easier transportation? And… and… and…

And yet Theresa knew it in her heart, as I have learned in my own, through the Lord’s prompting: she was happy. The little girl was happy. Always smiling. Ever so thankful.

When my hands work at those cloth diapers, at that stained kitchen floor, at those scratched walls, I AM thankful. I AM happy. I am not thinking of what more I can add to my home to take away the work. I am not thinking of hiring a maid. And before I realize it I see some little hands grab a sponge beside me and wipe away scuffs on the walls. I see little hands sorting laundry. I see little feet running to grab a rag and “skate” on the kitchen floor. And their smiles. Oh, their beautiful smiles. That’s a joy I can’t buy with ease. That’s a lesson I can’t fabricate without sharing in the sore arms and backs. Life IS work. But oh how there can be JOY in the workload.

We’ve weeded down some of our things so we can take care of our toys, clothes, shoes, dishes, etc. without the workload overtaking us. And when we live more simply, it keeps us working hard. But that is what our souls need. For the harvest IS plentiful, so we need to train to be good laborers. To be ready. In heart. And soul. And mind.

Lord, please use this conditioning back, shoulders, arms and mind. For I am seeing the beauty of the workload. I am understanding more of the honor You receive in humble, simple and focused living. Help me to live a “tranquil and quiet life in all godliness and dignity” (1 Timothy 2:2). Lord, I am learning to live as Your Word speaks of internal adornment being “the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God” (1 Peter 3:4). Lord, these aren’t mere suggestions, but they are words of great wisdom and refreshment for the soul. Help me to find a simple and quiet living of hard work and honest investment in my husband, children, friends, family, and Your work for me. Please, Lord, help me not to be lost in the distractions that so easily entangle my time and my thoughts. For dissatisfaction robs You of the glory and the honor that my joy in blessing attributes You. Please, Lord, help me to pave the way for more Christlikeness in this home that You have given me. May it outpour in encouragement of others’ homes. That more would know You, Lord, and give You the praise and honor You are beyond due.

• To God be the glory.

My Dearest Matthew,

This morning we loaded up the girls and headed down for the beginning of a few days of celebrating you. To say I’m proud of you is the understatement of the year. Six years of balancing family, ministry and schooling. I could not be more proud of your choices to take a lighter load as we welcomed three beautiful little girls into the world in their own times. I could not be more proud of your hard work and perseverance as you worked hard, realistically and gave each class’ efforts to the Lord as worship. I could not be more proud as God shaped you and grew you so much in your walk with Him over these past years. And love, I am so proud of the man of Christ you have and are continuing daily to become. It wasn’t always easy…. remember Hebrew? Goodness! And I wasn’t even taking the class! But you fought through it. And, my dear, you have managed to pull off  a 3.9 GPA. 3.9! That means the lowest grade you ever received in a class was a B+. And that was only in one class. I am floored at your ability, in Christ, to overcome so much and work hard… so, so hard at each class on your agenda. I love how you came home from some of your classes with a new plan and new focus on Christ for our family. I love how God spoke to your inner being and it splashed out into our lives. We were and still are so richly blessed by all that the Lord has taught you in seminary. And now, my love, now we celebrate. In Christ YOU HAVE DONE IT!!!

So to my Master’s of Divinity, to my Christ-centered dreamer, to the absolute love of my life I say in a resounding jubilation from the tips of my toes:

CONGRATULATIONS, BABE!!! YOU DID IT!!!!

The wide world is before us. Who knows where God will call us and lead us next?

But as you take the stage Friday late morning, I may resist the urge to blow a fog horn (so as not to embarrass you, naturally) but I will most certainly be shouting for joy inside, to my very core, “That’s my Matthew!!! My Matthew…”

Love you so,

yours.

A video to her friend without kids…

– Love it!

While downloading some pictures from my camera, I realized that I have a lot of homeschooling fun to catch up on blogging/journaling (hence the silence). So if you’re interested there will be more postings coming up in the near future as I catch up. And for those of you not interested, just pop back in when you are interested. =)  I enjoy blogging not only to share in our fun experiences, but for two other more primary reasons: 1. To have a fun history to reflect on and 2. To celebrate our times together and the fun stories we’ve made.

—————–

One such story we made together came a week after studying farm animals. In our curriculum there was a three-week period of studying farm animals, more specifically the goat, cow and horse. We took the opportunity to go to an 1800’s farm with some dear friends during our cow study week. And while we rained out of our original date, Mat got the opportunity to take the girls on their other farm-related field trip to see our Pastor’s horse, Abijah.

Pastor took the opportunity to show them Abijah’s barn, talk about horse care and share some fun stories of Abijah’s personality of kicking all the hay to the corners of his pen so Pastor would have to stack it all back up in the middle for his bed. The girls enjoyed the opportunity to see Abijah’s food and water dishes, check out his saddle, pet him and even ride him.

Hannah enjoyed her first horse ride as Pastor led each of the girls around the horse pen on that windy evening.

And while I didn’t get a chance to go this time, I am thrilled at the pictures and the stories that the girls bring up randomly about Abijah’s world.

Thanks again, Pastor, for helping our books come to life. =)

So I’ve been mulling over some thoughts for a few weeks now.

I had the privilege to meet a Pastor’s Wife who had been in the ministry for many, many years. And while my heart broke a bit that she looked so tired. Some words she spoke have burned into the back of my mind. She spoke of the importance of securing for yourself a retirement outside of the ministry – be it through personal savings or, in her opinion, the addition of a secular job while serving in ministry. While this can sound like good financial wisdom, I began to ponder it’s Biblical principles.

A blogger friend said it well in defining the difference between living frugally and living in good stewardship. And I certainly agree that we Christians should live within our means that we would be able to be free of financial burden dictating the use of our funds, but instead free it up to the Lord to utilize how He sees fit.

I believe God takes care of His children, but that is not a freedom to, therefore, live a life of ease and irresponsibility. It’s the picture of still laboring, saving and giving away your funds with constant prayer and Kindgom work in mind.

So then where does retirement come in?

Well, the average age of death in the Bible settled into 70-80 years old when all the effects of the flood had settled into what we regularly experience today. And with the advancement of medication and technology it has raised the age to nearly 100 years old. That’s an additional 20-30 years beyond the average worker. We do not see retirement laid out for us as a model in Scripture. Some of that may be that the idea of living so long was not fathomable and therefore was not planned for. But we have to evaluate our idea of retirement. There’s a difference in responsibility for the required funding it will take to live and making the presumption that we deserve to retire.

Here’s the dilemma: so often I hear retirement in the context of entitlement. We deserve to be done with the workload. We deserve to live in a Florida home and just spend the rest of our days playing Bingo or even volunteering. So we should work very hard for that goal now. It should be our strategic plan. It should be our strategic goal now. It should be our focus.

But then what happens to the Lottie Moons? Or the George Muellers? Or the countless missionaries oversees giving literally the shirt off their backs? They’re not on vacation. Have they lost the vision of investing in their retirement?

Dare we live responsibly with good stewardship and trust that if we are pursuing Christ and doing His Kingdom work He will not forsake us of our needs? Dare we let Him define our needs, separating them from our wants?

We are asked to be good Stewards, not to be the provider. That is God’s job. And God’s promise.

But maybe it’s time, American Christians, to look outside of the blessing and realize how materialism has crept into what we feel we deserve… and how we even define needs.

Deuteronomy 6:5-12 says it like this:

You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. These words which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be frontals on your forehead. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. Then it shall come about when the Lord your God brings you into the lands which He swore to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, to give you, great and splendid cities which you did not build, and houses full of all good things which you did not fill, and hewn cisterns which you did not dig, vineyards and olive trees which you did not plant, and you eat and are satisfied, then watch yourself, that you do not forget the Lord who brought you from the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery.

This passage is spoken directly to the Israelites through the medium of Moses and while it’s easy to write it off as “spoken to someone else in a particular situation”, the truth still remains. Why did the Israelites need such constant reminders to keep the Lord first in their lives? What was God asking them to remember? What were they to write on the doorposts? Was it the goal of self-sufficiency or the reminders of relying on God?Why do you think God stressed that so diligently, painting out a literal picture of constantly being surrounded by those reminders, from teaching them to your children to literally adorning your house in them? What would be vying for our thoughts? What would be a distraction to the Israelites that would draw their attention away from God, the Provider?

We did not get to decide who bore us. We did not get to decide what country we would be born in or the opportunities we would have before us. Certainly God has graced us with some control over what opportunity our future actions may grant us, but that still lies within the constraints of access to opportunity. But we could have just as easily been born into a poor third world country. And here we are living in a life we have been given. A luxury (shelter, food, clothing, water access, job opportunities, family, etc) we were given. And we have slowly begun to get used to it and even find security in it. And we have forgotten the God who gave it all to us. The real Provider of our Portion and our Sustaining. We have slowly moved Him out, replacing Him with our self-sufficiency and fooling ourselves to believe we somehow created all this for ourselves. Much like the Israelites, we have gotten distracted by the blessing.

How do we view retirement?

Are we really entitled to it?

After each and every accomplishment when writing letters that my dear three year old, Abi, makes in homeschooling (for example, writing each individual letter B on a sheet of 12 B’s) she lets out a deep, gutted yell, “BOOM BABY!” and high fives me.

– Good to celebrate your accomplishments.

– So much personality for such a little body.