I ran across an old Client’s mother today. I was suddenly back in my old office – funny how memories work. Back came that previously-familiar awkward balance of confidentiality and still trying to be personable. It blew my mind to reminisce on my Rachael being 11 months old when I first came home to be a stay-at-home mom. Abi was still a hopeful idea as we knew little about her, but her strong kicks. That feeling of being on the brink of a world-flipping and yet still trying to keep your job and life in line. The hours of caring for others’ children in therapy and group therapy sessions while wishing to just get the privilege of only taking care of my own. Oh the days of having a split heart – one desire to help others while that ache of someone else caring for my responsibility – my baby. And my client’s sweet, smiling face. So funny the memories of encouraging my client’s and client’s family’s pursuit of Christ, while trying not to lose my job in the secular world. It all came flooding back in that odd moment when the past met the present for a few minutes.
I was reminded that life is so short and so worth priority changes.

A dear member of our church suddenly passed away in a tragic plane crash yesterday. Matt had the hard job of accompaning Pastor out of the newly widow’s house to share the news and help the widow call her children. In one instance an always-willing Bible teacher, father of three girls, husband of 51 years, and fellow runner after Jesus went to meet Christ face to face. Like Pastor said last night to his awaiting Bible Study class, “His faith became sight.” It still feels surreal to me. I expect to see him on Sunday, him passing his Christ-honoring encouragement out to all he encounters. I still expect to see him in the church hallway, sharing about the utter joy he has for a new thing God taught him during his quiet time in the Word. We’re all a bit shaken up. David Cowherd will be missed so much. And yet something in the back of my mind makes me smile, a sad hurt smile, but a deep smile nonetheless that after countless years of pouring himself over the Word, soaking in all that the Word projects about Jesus, and spending countless amount of time in conversation with others -seeking Jesus in all ways, our dear brother, David’s face must have been a sight to see when he opened his eyes and saw… Jesus!…

Today just feels like a quiet day. A day of thanks for how far God has brought me, but also just a day to struggle to find words. A day to close my eyes and find silence. So many lessons He brings to mind. So many unanswered questions. And yet such hope that He has set before us.

Life can be so short. How will we be remembered? What difference will we make? What Kingdom work will we do?

That more would be left than our possessions.

That Christ would be lifted higher.

– A crown to lay at His feet. –

So going along with the Secret Garden theme, I’ve come to the dreaded duty of weeding the front planter boxes. To give you a bit of perspective, all along the front of our house are three large planter boxes. Now “the front” of our house is really the entire length of our house, the door is in the middle of our home, and some brilliant landscaper decided to plant a total of 13 or 14 bushes, all of which lie in beautiful planter boxes – and require pruning naturally. My planter boxes are 3-4 feet in width at some sections and the small bushes are planted in the middle of the boxes – allowing weeding on both the front and back sides of the bushes. While these bushes are a bit cute, when I forget about the weeding, this non-gardening Mama dislikes – a lot – the never-ending prickly weeds that flock to bush-country. Maybe I’m just such a good gardener that everything wants to grow in my dirt? (Coughs).

So this morning the girls took a nap at the same time – mark this day down in history – and I could put them both down in the morning because I don’t have Lexi today (whom I pick up from school in the morning) due to this weekend’s illness pandemic in our household. [We have a Dr. appointment for Rachael this afternoon.] And in the art of self-sacrifice, I decided to be my own Mistress Mary and try to find delight in weeding the last HUGE flower bed. So, no joke, it took me about 45 minutes to clear away a three feet long section out of the twelve or thirteen foot long flowerbed. I nearly filled an entire huge trash bag of weeds.

And all I have to say after my experience is:

Bad Eve… no apple!

– Seriously, I enjoyed the prayer time and quiet amid the work. Maybe a gardener is growing in me yet? And maybe this too shall pass. hehe. =)

Dakota howls and jumps about.

Matt standing at the coat closet, “Hey listen. I’m not going outside to freeze my butt off without a jacket because you’re a little impatient.”

Dakota howls at him and jumps about.

-Sometimes talking back is funny.-
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Background: We have recycled a butter tub to use in the bathtub as a small bucket with which to clean soap from baby hair.

Rachael with all innocence: “Ready Abi?” Holding the bucket of water above Abi’s head. “Look down and hold your breath.” (Quoting what she has been told many a time.)

– Sometimes my Little Mommy needs to be reminded that I’m the Mommy. hehe. –

No one freak out, people, I caught her in time. =)
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We enjoyed a Sara Groves concert last night. As I commented on Facebook, it was such a blessing to see the face of my little Rachael light up when Sara sang her favorite song. It’s like a whole new world opened on that toddler’s face as she heard the familiar favorites that fill our car speakers and warm our home, played and sung from the heart of the writer on stage, behind the piano in a local church. Two worlds collided. And that toddler just had to stand on the pew and see Sara from our seats – five or so rows back. Rachael’s little voice singing along as nearly a years worth of memorized songs poured from her little mind. Too precious. Too precious.

Next time Matt and I see Sara Groves, and the next time she’ll be n this area for that matter, is at the Orphans weekend in May that we’re planning on attending. I didn’t even know this was going on, in all honesty, until Matt wrapped the information and gave it to me for my birthday. See… it’s way more than an excuse to sing along to my favorite artist (though that is quite thrilling in itself).

Matt and I feel compelled and called to adopt. We’re still in the development stages of what that will mean for our family and feel very comfortable with being on the outer circle and beginning phases of that process. It’s just one more way that we’re striving to serve Jesus with all that we have. (Don’t worry this won’t be the last that you hear of this, much to your chagrin.)

I’ve been reminded lately in all things that there is so much more out there for us to do and pray for. It’s so easy to get caught in the child-raising phase that before you know it the routines become selfish, as if your family was the only one that existed. Don’t worry, people, I’m not talking about throwing out naptime — no, no, that’s for the good of mankind. =) But I am talking about using time wisely.

It’s looking for those conversations about Jesus. Seeking those times to encourage a fellow believer. Wanting Jesus to be more and more in your conversation. That Kingdom work would ocurr and not just more small-talk.

Because believe it or not, each day we leave a legacy. A legacy exemplifying who we are, what we value, and why we keep on going. And I want my legacy to be more than good morals and good values and nice words.

– Oh that they would see Jesus. –

And that I’d do better at getting of the way.

That I may decrease that HE may increase.

I’m not trying to control the conversation or manipulate others. I’m just wanting to leave good seeds and walk beside others as we figure out what it is to constantly seek His face.

I mean come on, if He can use this filthy rag then I know he can use any one of us.

In the words of a sweet Sara Groves song, “I’m gonna keep my eyes wide open, keep my eyes wide open.”

– wanting Your perspective to trump mine.

As you might have noticed, I opened the window and brightened up the blog page a bit. It was time for a change and I enjoy the yellow. If the text is hard to read in the contrast (since I don’t usually read my text on my actual blog site) then let me know and I’ll see what I can do to fix it.

As with this blog page change, we have been instilling little changes in our household to better the environment (no, I have not been evicted). We’re trying harder to focus on Jesus in our everyday lives and integrate more of Christ into our thoughts and conversations. Thus has begun the following changes:

– the Family Goals : We set up 3 goals (summaries of the values we wanted to add to our lives in the next year) and two specific sub-goals underneath each of the three goals. Our goals are as follows:

1. Integrate more scripture into our daily lives
2. Talk more about Jesus
3. Pray and Worship more as a family

We’ve added writing scriptures on bathroom mirrors, reading the same scriptures daily as your spouse (good accountability at mealtimes), praying with our kids, a family worship time weekly, and a few other things to try to grow closer to Jesus as a family. We’re taking it piece by piece and integrating each piece into our lives until it becomes normal. Then when the year turns over we can assess our ability to do these things and add/change things as needed to better serve Christ as a family. Our hopes is that instilling these attributes with Rachael and Abi while they’re babies will help it not to seem so foreign to keep Jesus on your mind later in life.

Also had a little fun in making a scrapbook page of our family goals, framing it and putting it on the wall.

We also added a Mommy chore chart so as not to find myself distracted and overwhelmed by the self-destructing house. I made a second scrapbook page saying “to do” with the days lined up much like a calender. Then I put it in a frame up on the wall and sue a dry-erase marker to write the chores onto the glass of the frame. That way things can be subject to change should one of those days arise in which Abi REFUSES to be put down. It’s nice to feel the accomplishment of completing a task and saying, “Sorry, that isn’t my focus for today” when distractors arise (no, I won’t let a toilet explosion keep flooding the house until I can get it written on the chore list).

These two changes, which ultimately have resulted in more changes, have not only helped me feel more organized in my efforts to better serve my family, but also help me feel like I’m able to contribute more and use my time more honoring to God. Managing the chore list and reminding myself of the ultimate goal to raise a God-honoring family is pushing us closer to Christ. (Reminds me of God telling the Israelites to keep the Word of God attached to their foreheads -Ex. 13:9- and repeat the Law of the Lord day and night -Psalm 1). Funny what a little intentionality will do for the soul.

How are you finding new ways to bring Christ to the forefront of your family’s minds?

Today I miss Jesus.

The Body of Christ can be sticky and ugly sometimes when we forget about Jesus. So many times I find it easy to get lost in the talking about nothingness that Kingdom Work seems to have fallen off the map. It’s as if talking about family vacations, potty training, pets, new home repair projects, and a whole other list of things takes the spotlight to the things God is doing all around us.

I miss sitting amongst a group of believers whom want nothing more than Jesus.

I miss talking about Jesus and sharing about Jesus and being obsessed with Jesus so much in conversation that you leave the conversation with an even greater hunger for Him than when you started.

I miss the edifying speech that supernaturally overflows amongst friends who are seeking Jesus in their lives.

How come it feels like those people have fallen off the planet in some churches?

How come it feels like those people have left the Bible Study table?

How come it feels like Bible Study and Fellowships are less and less about Jesus and more and more about some created agenda, two second devotion amid small talk, or fake prayer requests as a means of venting home-life frustrations?

I am not trying to be critical for the sake of being critical. There really is a point here.

Have we found we have been traveling for days with our friends and neighbors only to panic after three days realizing we left Jesus behind in the city? How terrifying to realize that we have gone through the motions of Christianity and been traveling for days, or even longer, without the Savior?

How can you too make the Mary and Joseph u-turn to go back for Christ?

God has been challenging me with this for a while.

And I just miss Jesus.