from the house with a professional crawler who is perfecting furniture walking. We’re doing well here. Today I miss the little one and am feeling like 38 work days is forever long away, but am trying my best to convince myself that it will fly like the rest has.

I(‘m sure absolutely no one reads this blog anymore, but I will be working harder to keep this thing more updated as I come closer and closer to coming home.

I put in my 2 month notice two Fridays ago. It was nice to get that off my back and out in the open. So now I’m left to the task of not losing my mind while I’m still here. It helps to keep the coutdown going. The only danger of countdowns is that you run the risk of not being able to live in the moment, but only in the future, but no fear, I’m totally alreayd there. J/k

This childcare thing has hit a mild bump that could turn into a detour. There’s a good chance that my “stable” kiddo may not be needing the services any longer. We’ll find out for sure come November 16th. But I am fully and completely trusting that God will provide for all our needs. Maybe not all our wants, but certainly all our needs.

It blows my mind that Rachael is 9.5 months old. Wowzers, that went fast. And “Mama” has never sounded so good before. Gotta love the character that keeps emerging. Yesterday Rachael was laughing hysterically as Matt tickled her on the changing table. Her laugh is adorable. Brings such joy to us.

I’m feeling a bit goobly today. Stomach’s off and the chicken noodle’s not cutting it. Wish I could have stayed home today. Miss Rachael a lot today. But today’s a Monday so it’s to be expected. Matt’s at seminary all day (starting at 5:15am and all of our schedules are off because we all have to get up earlier than usual in order to get out the door “on time.” Today I didn’t make it. I was about 25 minutes late to work. One of those days… oh well.

Tonight’s date night, so I’m looking forward to that as usual. Matt and I have decided to fill shoe boxes for Operation Christmas Child tonight. Should be a good time. Looking forward to seeing that wonderful man of mine tonight.

Thanks to the 1.5 of you that read this thing… even if it’s 2 months later. Thanks for the support.

God bless you and have a great day!

We were walking to the grocery store last night and enjoying the conversation about our upcoming California vacation and January plans when he said, “Over the past 2 years we’ve probably paid off about $17,000 in school debt. That’s pretty good since the cars are paid off and we’re paying over on the loan payments.”

$17,000 – that blows my mind! Props to a fantastic financial planning husband! Especially since we started the debt reduction payments we have not carried a single balance (excluding our payment for the white car for 9 months or so) on a credit card, have shifted loans about to get the best interest rate, payed over for most loan payments, consolidated loans, and still gone on a vacation to Niagra Falls last year, California this year, and Matt’s already saving for vacation next year. With the budget we’re on – and he’s made it flexible to incorporate extraneous spending like going to the theatre tonight with Matt’s parents- we should be doing quite well come January.

“We were going to use the tax return to pay off the Ed Financial loan, but it looks like that’ll be pretty much gone by then, maybe like $400 left which we’ll probably just pay off. So I’ll probably just put the tax return into savings for just in case.”

Matt’s already been setting aside a “nest egg” which we can use as a buffer while the January childcare gets on it’s feet. But with one solidified kid for January, Matt basing our entire budgeting for January+ on his current salary (just to make sure we’re not banking on an amount that we’re guessing to be his raise), October’s passing of the church budget will tell us how many more kids I need to add on to the January childcare.

But I tell you what – this January “great escape” is taking flight before our very eyes!

I also just found the equivalent of an $80 double stroller for $25. I brought it home last night and washed all the fabrics and that stroller looks GREAT and is extremely functional! And then I was given some more toddler toys from work and a wooden dollhouse! Let alone being given some toys and a wooden swing set from Jenney. It’s just absolutely amazing to watch God orchestrate this all. Absolutely amazing! January is coming alive – right before my eyes. And it’s such a blessing to look at Rachael and know that I’m going to be blessed to join in the discovery – much more than I already have.

Thanks be to God!

To the child who’s stranger appears after 6 years of silence and calls himself Dad when the family you have learned to call Mom and Dad and who bought you that new swingset were getting ready to have your last name too: I understand that you can’t seem to verbalize the flood of confusion, hurt, and fear you feel and I promise to knock over the blocks with you and look the other way when you yell at the ball as you kick it repetitively into the wall. I also will never judge you for wetting your pants because your Dad’s face reminds you of a past you couldn’t be saved from in time enough to protect you from the hurts.

To the child who’s Daddy hurts his Mommy and all you can think to repeat during play is “Run, he’s coming!” And as Mommy pretends to understand Daddy’s English while she secretly plans to leave the country with you and return to your big family, I completely understand why you are running out of the room more and shrieking without consoling. I promise to run after you in reminder to you that you matter enough to me to pursue, and to speak back to you in movie quotes and song lyrics because your Autism reverts to that familiarity.

To the child who is sad because “Mommy forgot” again to feed you and you are wearing the same shirt from yesterday. I understand when you need to scream about your belly hurting, even when your screaming looks like cussing at me and trying to kick me. I promise to always have breakfast and to pursue you with that breakfast because I want you to know that it matters to me that your belly needs a “morning snack.” And I also promise to sit with you and read stories to you as you rest on the couch because you “didn’t sleep well.”

And to the other five children in my group and those across the hall that also join my group, I promise to find out what you are looking for and what it is that you are trying to say through your kicking, hitting, screaming, scratching and biting – even when you are doing those things to yourself.

And to the baby girl that I am leaving “at home” to tend to these others…

i miss you.

and thank you for letting me hold you close as I remove my work shoes.