Many times grace is only seen in light of “saving from hell” as if grace has no further purpose. It’s so easy to see salvation as a one-shot deal. Once and for all. While some beliefs are born of the idea that one can lose their salvation – as if they have that much control over what can or cannot stay in the grasp of God’s hand – many see salvation as a mere point in time without a continuum. Paul speaks of salvation as a past, present and future aspect (past – a point of acceptance, present – sanctification, and future – when Christ returns). But this morning God opened my eyes to another blessing of grace. This is grace, an invitation to withstand the Potter’s kiln. Grace not only allowed mankind to be saved from hell, but grace also gives mankind a justification to stand on. By justification I don’t mean “for only in Christ we are justified”. This is true. But I speak further in the word justification such as Paul addresses in James – Grace through works. We cannot earn salvation. This is evident for who of mankind can say that they are perfect. For through perfection- withholding God’s word to perfection – Christ made a way for mankind. But after receiving this free gift of salvation, grace offers the chance of standing before God with works that do not burn up in the kiln. In the word, the day of judgement will be split into two judgements so to say. One judgement for those who have not accepted Christ. And then a second judgement for those who have accepted Christ. In that judgement for those who have accepted Christ, Psalms speaks of God’s judgement in terms of bringing an offering to a Potter’s kiln. In a kiln all the defect is burnt away and the pure remains.

This is grace, an invitation to withstand the Potter’s kiln.

Grace, therefore, opens an invitation to all those whom have accepted Christ to build a life of righteousness that will withstand the fire of the Potter’s kiln. Works have always been preached as an extension of a Christ-centered heart – that Christ’s sacrifice would spurr us on toward works as we desire to tell others more and more of Jesus’ love. But even beyond the mere obedience to His call of discipleship, it floors me that God opens this invitation of rewarding our obedience on both earth and again in heaven. What is mere man that God would lavish this grace on us? God’s Grace’s complexity continues to baffle my mind. For while God commands us to obey Him in discipleship, His grace makes a way for us to even enter His Courts and also enter His Courts with offerings. One can accept Christ in that form of grace and never move beyond merely an acceptance. While others can accept Christ and continue to stand on the foundation of grace to build righteous works that will withstand the kiln. For this is truly freewill. For if you choose not to do works, the foundation is not taken back. It’s just that the crown you cast at His feet will be void of a lifestyle of obedience and purpose. If all you do is give your heart to God, He is thrilled at His child coming to Him. But all the more God is delighted in His children who do righteous works for the glory of His Name’s sake.

For this is Grace, an invitation to withstand the Potter’s kiln.

We all want to be justified in our choices and our ways.
“He did that because he is thoughtful.”
Or “She did that because she is kind.”
We want our choices to speak volumes of our goals, dreams and families.
We sincerely hope that when our lives are boiled down to words that somewhere in the mix the good outweighs the bad. We all sincerely hope that someone else will see the intent behind our words and actions. That our purpose would not be hidden in the dark.

These things have gone through my mind constantly over the past week and a half. If you look at my life would words like sacrifice, faithfulness, and determination come from your lips? No, I’m not living to please you or anyone else for that matter. But I just want my purpose to be obvious. My drive to be backed by real meaning.

We’re testing out some more budget restraints in an effort to work toward our family goal this coming January. And I’m finding that with a goal readily in mind it’s easier to deny small temptations when you already have what you need in your hands. When weighing the costs and benefits, I find it easier to say no to extraneous non-goal driven expenses. But it also makes me ponder my goal/purpose drive beyond finances.

Is my life purpose obvious? Or could my words and actions leave others guessing?
Am I just wasting time and energy in smelling the flowers when the garden needs so much work?

I find it necessary to step back sometimes and say, “Is this working? Is this where I should be? Are my intentions justified?”

But evaluation is nothing but smelling the flowers, unless it’s used to help the garden grow.

I have come to a point where an opportunity has presented itself as a possibility.
And I find myself stuck between wondering if I have asked too much, or if this is finally the fruit of my reality about how I have felt, or if I am merely being selfish.
I wouldn’t be the only one missing it.
I wouldn’t be the only one sacrificing.
And I wonder if those two things coupled make my wants too selfish.
Have I acted in impatience or is this opportunity a blessing response to an honesty I did not want to possess?

Father, please guide my steps in reverence of your Sovereign Will’s timing.
I don’t know anymore.

Things around here have been. Work is. Home has always been.

We got a cat. We really inherited him from Mom and Dad.
He fits well. He helps with his purring and loving in the morning.

I miss her. I knew I would and time doesn’t change that. And at different times during the day it’s like the flood just catches up with me. And I want to hold her more than anything.
And I wonder how God ever gave up His Son. Especially when all I want to do is hold her close.
I just want to hold her – while I still can.

The youth are doing well. They appear to be enjoying their ‘prime years’.

The weather’s turning nicer. Evening walks are relaxing.

Exercise is endurance building.

And life is happening.

And every moment I get to sit next to my best friend on the couch, with his dog nearby, cat on the back of the couch and our baby in arms feels like I’m right where I’m supposed to be.

We’ve started a challenge. Philippians by April 2010. 2 verses per week. Me and Matt. And with God’s fueling, I really believe we can do it. On my own… not a chance!

And so it goes, and so it goes… and you’re the only one who knows.

… When doubting floods your soul
Though all things feel unjust
You open up your heart
You find a way to trust

That’s a little stone that’s a little mortar
That’s a little seed that’s a little water
In the hearts of the sons and the daughters
The kingdom’s coming

When fear engulfs your mind
Says you protect your own
You still extend your hand
You open up your home

When sorrow fills your life
When in your grief and pain
You choose again to rise
You choose to bless the name

That’s a little stone that’s a little mortar
That’s a little seed that’s a little water
In the hearts of the sons and the daughters
The kingdom’s coming

In the mundane tasks of living
In the pouring out and giving
In the waking up and trying
In the laying down and dying

That’s a little stone that’s a little mortar
That’s a little seed that’s a little water
In the hearts of the sons and the daughters
The kingdom’s coming

“Kingdom Comes” by Sara Groves

-It’s all a process. –

“That must be hard,” is the typical response to anything relating to returning to work. Everywhere I turn someone else is attempting to empathize with a feeling that does not exist. I am not anxious about leaving the baby. I am not depressed. I am not falling apart and crying every morning. In fact, the transition was oddly easy.

Because at 5:30 in the morning when the alarm goes off I hit autopilot. A list of things hits me that I have to complete before opening the garage door. A surreal silence echos through the otherwise sleeping household. Get socks, fix hair, brush teeth, grab yogurt, get bag… With two kisses, an “I love you” exchanged and a replacing of a pacifier that is needed from the rustling I find myself opening the garage door. Autopilot soars through the quiet neighborhood. Autopilot gets in line with all the other brake lights. Autopilot half-heartedly sings along to Celine Dion’s dominance of the car speakers. Autopilot goes at green and stops at red. Autopilot parks, walks, opens office door, turns on computer. Autopilot does not think about what else could be done, what else could be more productive than the 7-4, milestones that are being missed or time that is vanishing. Autopilot just goes, goes, goes. Autopilot doesn’t count the minimal sleep hours because then it would have to own them. Autopilot doesn’t think. Autopilot just goes, goes, goes. And it is just hoped that by the time autopilot fails I find myself back with the ones I love.

This is how a wanna-be-stay-at-home mom works a full-time job.