For those of you who don’t know…

I have had this desire for almost 5 years. I want to see God at work outside of the US.

I want to see God’s worldview, life outside of fashion, make-up, hair products, riches, and liberalism. I want to see a world outside of “elevated living” in which time seems to “stand still” and days are built around cooking, cleaning, and truly living. I really want a more realistic worldview. A Biblical worldview.

Am I selfish? Probably. Is the point of my wanting that I can bring home a nice ethnically diverse picture for a church slide show? No.

I just believe that there is so much more out there that we American Christians have fooled ourselves and convinced ourselves that doesn’t exist. I believe that non-Americans have great value and are quite possibly are even living their faiths more Biblically than us. I believe that a poor person is not to be labeled in pitied help, but has so much more to teach about trusting God than many middle-class and still rich “go to churchers.”

Do I think missions are an out-of-country experience? No. But I do think that experience teaches far more than an imagined alternate reality. And I really want to be rocked out of this world in my sometimes God in a box thinking. I just feel like I’ve bought too much into the American church some days that “it’s okay” to skip devotions and “it’s okay” to forget to pray as if devotions and prayer have no affect…. no meaning. And sometimes I get so lost in American thinking that things should be handed to me and maybe the best way to serve God is to tolerate other’s beliefs that I feel I’ve betrayed the real, live God of the Word. The God of this world, not the Western God of the Americas.

Do I need to leave the country to learn about the Real Jehovah, Maker of All and Sustainer of Life? No. I just would really like to some day. I just would really like to serve and even just witness another’s faith in Jesus Christ that has not been dulled by ego-centrism. No, I don’t have to leave the country to witness very strong examples for Jesus. I just really would like the opportunity to do so some day.

And it’s a day like today in which my heart longs for that day

… if it should come.

Well dear ones, I’m now in month five of pregnancy. I just poked into the month today. It’s kind of crazy to think about it. Ever since my friend, Lorraine, left my workplace I’ve had a lot of free time during lunch. Being one who likes to keep busy so the day moves quickly, I have found myself reading, checking email, sometimes napping (don’t worry, my boss is cool with this) and checking old friend’s blogs during my lunch break. And as I’ve read through a few friend’s recent life joys and gocked at these “little babies” which are now little girls and boys that I had in the nursery at Apex, I am dropped into a second reality. Man how time flies!

I feel like it was just yesterday when it was a sleepless 4am of “I can’t believe it” thoughts with a positive test. Walking in Meijer, for I don’t even remember what now, and passing baby clothes was a totally new world of thought. That new tumbling of shock, unknown, and inconfidence occasionally still grasps my hand as this little bump becomes more apparent.

I look at my niece. I remember holding her when she weighed just under 10 lbs at birth. Now that one and a half year old toddler that runs around talking and pointing at me when asked, “Where’s Aunt Monica,” floors me. Where’d the baby go? And yet all the while… she’s still such a baby.

I wonder if this is what my mom thinks when she looks at me.

I’ll technically be 1/2 way through this pregnancy in 2 weeks. Oh my goodness!

And while baby is only about palm size right now… that’s my baby! Palm size! Dude how it’s grown!

And soon we may have the opportunity to learn (come July 28th) if we’re having a boy or a girl. Man, that floors my mind. Suddenly baby will move from “the baby” to she or he. And then will have a name. And sometime soon, for the first time, I may get the chance to feel he or she move within me. How exciting.

Yet my excitement is mixed in satisfaction with where Matt and I are at right now. “Are you excited?” I’m often asked. “Can you wait?” Yes and yes. I am excited for how God is growing our little one. Day by day. Minute by minute the little one develops in ways that I can’t even understand. But I can wait. I can wait to find out baby’s gender. I can wait to become the Stauffer’s three. I can wait. Because I don’t want to get so caught up in ‘I can’t wait’s that I miss the now. I want to enjoy the sleep I am still able to get. I want to enjoy the date nights. The me and Matt moments of “let’s go for a walk” or “ice cream run.” I want to enjoy just sitting in a quiet house holding my cat against his will, or just petting him beside me and listening to the washer spin or the AC vents after a long day’s work. I don’t want to get so caught up in baby shopping (even mentally) that I lose what’s been given me today.

I know baby is going to be amazing. And with baby will come a whole new level of Matt and I. A whole new level of family. And baby will bring such joy and such unity and all these wonderful thrills.

But today I want to wait. I just want today. I want to enjoy doing a puzzle with a socially rejected child – piece by piece, supporting my husband when the youth aren’t listening- shushing by shushing, and even just eating this broccoli cheddar soup- spoonful by spoonful with my shoes off in my office. It’s like my wedding day… I don’t want to be so caught up in the execution of planning that I miss the memories.

I guess all these words are just to say… I am enjoying where God has me right now and I can wait for His timing.

I can happily wait.

Last night on the way home from work I called Ellen, my sister in law, and found out that she was headed to Boonshoft (a local children’s museum) for their free Tuesday night fun. After fairly short debate, I was headed in her direction. Boonshoft was fun. And believe it or not, Ellen and I actually found a “quiet” place in the museum to rock in the pioneer rockers and talk. It was really nice. And my niece (1.5 yrs) and brother in law (9 yrs) appeared to have an equally good time, let alone my brother in law (mid-twenties) who chased the two of them down all evening.

You know, sometimes I just find myself thinking about you and how blessed I am to have you in my life. And it’s funny to think that neither of us were looking to befriend the other. We were just coasting fine. Consuming time.
It’s funny how the years pass and no one can walk into my life and take your place. It’s no wonder the saying goes that good friends are hard to find and even harder to replace.
And to think of how much you put up with my whining… and my rambling… and my grumpiness… and…
It just baffles my mind sometimes to think of how you stuck close to me and spurred me on.

Just wanted to share these thoughts as I sit here in this life-less office where the only sounds are the low hum of the AC and keyboard keys. As I wait here for more work to come and fill these last 3 or so hours, I was just thinking of how far God has grown you…

and how blessed I’ve been to be a part of some of it.

– love you, Robin. –

Last night I dreamed that I got a tatoo. Not just any tatoo, but the BMX-biker type full upper body from neck to wrists to naval tatoos. Can you even imagine?! I was completely tatooed from neck to naval. And the funny thing was that I did it because in my dream Matt thought it was cool and I wanted to do it for him. Only I was completely trying to cover it up so no one would notice and be comfortable with it. (Totally my non-flashy character.) I told Matt about my dream before taking off for work. And I explained to him that in my dream I tatooed myself because he thought they were cool. “Not that cool!” he commented as he rolled over with a smile.

Four month prenatal visit went well. I’ve gained no weight in the past month (which doesn’t bother or concern any parties involved in the doctoring process). So I guess what I experienced over the last month was a great migration/weight shifting. Being one who’s not conscious about her weight, but just aware of healthy weight verses non-healthy weight, this concept makes me laugh. So that little one who seems to need a constant feeding of starch or carbohydrate product has found their source… sucking from various parts of me. Hehehe. Good for them. Take as much as you need baby… I’m fine with being left with what I started with. (I’m really not naive enough to think that this pregnancy won’t be the biggest weight gain that I’ve had since my own prenatal moments.) But I do think the human body and, in particular, this human body is hillarious in it’s adjustments to pregnancy. I’m all out of wack! Hehehe.

So with a little baby bump, I find myself quite satisfied in the current conditions:
puking once per week (or twice if it’s a “bonus” week)
eating “fairly” normally (or at least more closely to a normal eating pattern – 3 “meals”)
and sleeping ALL THE TIME!

And while depending on the shirt and pants selection it may be questionable if I’m not just gaining weight or actually pregnant (though Matt said if anyone ever thought I was just getting fat he’d “handle it” – hehe), when the PJs come on, the baby bump appears. “Hello in there,” Matt reaffirms the growing bump. =)