You know, tomorrow’s the interview. The light at the end of the tunnel, I hope. How it would be nice to find a job that would allow me to serve Matt as well in our marriage. It’s odd how “ready” and yet completely unprepared one feels at the completion of a “lifegoal“. But the diploma has yet to be hung… and already burnout ensues. I wish I felt like what I did mattered to the child who repetitively cussed me out as I bent over backward to do things for her. Miles on end I drove for her “convenience” only to sit in an empty apartment and return in two hours of traffic. It’s moments like those that you really want to throw the towel in on a kid. You want to loose your mind and not take it anymore.

God opened my eyes on the last car-ride home. I tried so hard for the pavement not to swallow my character. I really hate rush-hour. And in the frustrated silence He reminded me that I was that undesirable in my sin. I was that hate-worthy and filthy. I spoke such vulgar, hateful words defying the very help I needed. And yet He loved me.

Sin is sin. I’d love to stand at her door pointing telling God that there’s no way I am that sinful. There’s no way my sin looks as bad as that. But how can this unjust one dare define justice and righteousness?

It’s ugly to think that my sin looks the same way to my Father. How filthy and un-me I feel at that thought. Yet it is true. Sin is sin. And it’s ugly. And it dirties the beautiful gown of Christ’s Bride. No sin is too dirty for our Savior to clean. But all sin is too dirty for our character growth. And it’s in the time of mind-renewing that the Lord chose on I-75 that repentance once-again looked as necessary as it is.

And the child who refuses help, is most needy of all.
Only there’s nothing I can do to change her.
It’s only the Lord’s work.

Would You, Lord? I don’t have to be there to see it.
But would You please help her fall at Your feet?

-No matter where I end up… Lord, please use me.-

Monday, Matt and I went to a convention at Cedarville. I had gotten the day off because of our 6 month (and I really just wanted the day OFF) and since Matt was going to the convention thingy, I just signed myself up with him. [Only I really didn’t sign up literally… it’s a form of speech… yeah.] So out to Cedarville we went, Matt, Rodger and myself. It was fun to sit in the car and hear the two men talk about God and the church. It’s so easy to see in moments like those how strong of a friendship this father and son have made throughout the years. It was a blessing.

So at the convention we syphoned into the main auditorium during the official welcome from some guy with many initials and importance attached to his title. We heard 1.5 speakers and 1.5 preachers. (I distinguish the two merely on an opinion basis of the passion, deliverance, and focus of the three messengers.) And then the ride home from Cedarville consisted of another passionate conversation regarding evangelism, Christ-centeredness, and a rounded Christ-focused lifestyle. Again, I was thrilled to be in the midst of scriptural reference, God-honoring opinions and fellow brothers in Christ who are striving to give their full minds to the Lord. I can’t tell you how long it’s been since I’ve participated (as tiny of a participation as I did) in an intelligent, analytical conversation regarding Christians applying their minds to God’s mystery.

I forgot how much it excites me to be in the midst of such conversation, and yet remain merely a listener in so much of the conversation. It was GREAT!

And then Matt and I went out to dinner to celebrate our 6 months.

I could not have picked a more awesome anniversary – convention and all.

Question: Do you find yourself intimidated or energized by Christ-centered conversation?

This past Sunday it was announced, only we knew it since Wednesday, but it still became official. I am officially a Pastor’s Wife. That’s right, my husband was ordained Sunday night. Now, all he has to do is complete seminary to be hired on as a “associate” or “senior” pastor somewhere. And I have to have a moment here, since this is my webpage, to tell all those few readers of this here ranting and raving that Matt’s face was absolutely glowing. It was so awesome to see on his face how blessed he was at the wonderful turn-out of old friends and mentors. Matt was so overwhelmed by the “tremendous” night.

And then to top it off, the following day was our 6 months.

Talk about a rockin‘ sweet weekend!