Matt called me Tuesday. I was glad to hear his voice, it was totally worth being a bit late to work. He informed me of their travels to youth camp. He told me about the popped tire on his parent’s van that resulted in a smashed Axel, $200 towing fee, a 2 1/2 hour late arrival to youth camp, and eventually a “totaled” title for the van. He told me about the church bus fender-bender that resulted in a shattered door pane and twisted metal all before Matt could get the boys and their luggage to their lodging. He told me about his self-letdown and disappointment in being the driver of the bus during the parking lot accident. He told me he had an absolutely horrible night. And he really missed me. “It’s funny, but whenever things just go completely wrong, I just want to be with you.” He told me. And everything I had wanted to give him a hug and tell him that I loved him. But only the words could travel by phone.

So, I miss Matt.
He’s away and I just plain miss him.
Could you pray for him, please?

Finishes! I finished it. 32 pages. 11 outcomes with subgoals. 10 references. 2 years of education. integration of everything I could think of. And it’s done.
Goodbye final paper. Proove me well. Get me an A, preferably, or at least a good draft. But no matter what, at least you are done.
Done.
Done.
Done.
FINISHED!!!

Well, it’s official. We broke the 50 day marker. That’s right friends and family and faithful readers (thanks Robin and Matt) we broke the 50 day marker. Indeed, in 48 days from now I will carry two names.. Mrs. Monica S____ and Mrs. Matthew S______. Too cool I get two names… two identities… what else do I get two of? (Sorry, I’m getting a little carried away here.)

Today he did it again. And the sermon was great. Good job Matt. Even though it may have looked like I wasn’t listening cause I was writing back and forth to Robin about Calvinism… I was listening and as far as I know… I never once heard any heresy. ROCK ON, Matt!!!
No, seriously. I couldn’t have been more proud of you, Matt. God really came through you.

Well, today marks 23 days (3.5 weeks) until Matt and I start moving furniture into our new apartment. Oh, no fear friends. I’ll be staying with Robin to keep my witness and Matt will be living in his bachelor pad which I will promptly crash exactly 25 days after the first piece of furniture touches the wood floors. Afterall, Matt and I have earned our white and we’re keeping it that way! Thanks be to God for keeping us pure, despite our own impurities.

In other news, pre-marital counseling is 3/4 of the way done. Our last session is going to be in the last weekish before we get married. I highly recommend pre-marital counseling to you all. (Well, maybe not ALL of you.) But nonetheless, “I laughed. I [not really] cried. It moved me , Bob.” (Thanks to Larry for the quote.) In all, pre-marital was fun and hard and new and reaffirming and ever-so helpful. Thanks Rob. And thank you, Robin, for listening to all my processing of the sessions. You really were a trooper to put up with me.

Well, this coming week is my last week for internship. (Woot–Woot!) And then my final paper summing up all of my years of Social Work education (all 2 years) is due on Thursday. And then excluding mere attendance to class, I will be checked out of school FOREVER!!!

Also, this just in… Tuesday I’m headed down to Cinci to have my last wedding dress fitting. HOLLA!!!!

So yeah, a lot of fun things in this chapter of life labeled “Transition”.

Of course it’s not just us… everyone does. Or at least everyone needs counseling who are getting married. Especially those who are getting married in 52 days!!!
(Seven weeks for Robin’s count.)

I agree, Jes, relationships are hard and yet rewarding and very “different”. And nothing like counseling will make you feel as unprepared for the future as anything. And yet at the same time, our first counseling session reaffirmed the fact that while I may not currently contain the wisdom to conquer fights, love Matt he way he needs, and be a mother (down the road), the foundation of Matt and my relationship is strong enough that the promise of the rest of our lives to each other will survive. It’s nice to hear Rob reaffirm what God has already said to be the path for our lives.

But who knew counseling would put you on the spot? (Yes, I’m that naive sometimes.)

For a thinker, there is nothing more horrifying than an interview. And an interview we indeed had. But all the while I was fearful that I wouldn’t know the answer to some questions, especially the “if I were to ask Matt this question, how would he respond” questions. So, in other words, if I don’t answer this question right, I don’t know my future husband. And worse than that, if I answer it wrong, but he answers it right, then I look like a self-absorbed fiance. My, my…. the stresses I place upon myself and the power that I give anxiety to conquer me sometimes. Oh, and way to scare the tar out of me, my dear friend, Rob.

Conflict Resolution is this Saturday’s topic. HA! Matt and I have no conflict. This should be easy. We always agree. hehehe.

In all reality, while it may be hard for me to do the mushy romanticism love (I am just not quite wired like that), there is one thing that has been reaffirmed lately in Matt and my relationship. My greatest promise that I can give Matt will be proven not through any words I can say, but through walking beside my best friend and love. It doesn’t matter what will come. It doesn’t matter how much I get annoyed or frustrated at Matt. No matter whether I want to be alone sometimes or whether I fail to listen when he most needs someone to listen to him. No matter how many times I fail him by not supporting him, by disappointing him, and by saying something mean. It doesn’t matter how much baggage (good or bad) I bring into our lifelong promise. But the only thing that does matter is that for the rest of my life, I choose to love Matt, laugh with Matt, encourage Matt, ask forgiveness from Matt, apologize to Matt, cry with Matt, and just sit in silence with Matt. And the only way that I know how to prove my love to Matt is to do just that… walk with Matt through life.

Sometimes I don’t feel like that promise is enough. And I am sure that I won’t know the extent of that promise until our first serious argument after marriage or our first huge trial or whatever may come. But my promise will never change. And premarital counseling, despite hard at times… and wedding planning, though hard and hurtful at times… and “the rest of our life” conversations about those topics that we so would like to avoid… all of it has only strengthened my promise to Matt.

I love you, Matt.
And I can honestly tell you that I will never leave you until God calls me or you home.

Thank you, Lord, for all the ways that You have reaffirmed this path for Matt and I. Thank You for all You have provided us with. Lord, “thank You” just isn’t enough. Yet, thank You, Lord, for the greatest challenge and reward on this side of the cross. Thank You, Lord. Thank You. Thank You. And in my hardest moment of sheer hurt… thank you. How You bless me Lord. In Christ Jesus, I pray. Amen.

Sometimes I find myself consumed in present day troubles. Oh, these finances. Oh, these internship tasks. Oh, these kids at work who don’t listen. And it is in those moments that I need most desperately to think of the big picture.

In life, thinking of th big picture often overwhelms me. Ahhh, I’m so, so, so in debt from college that I can’t even breathe. I’m going to be such a poor wife. I’m in no way qualified to be a pastor’s wife! And let’s not even think about how bad of a mom I’m going to be if God ever gives us kids.

But God’s big picture has such a different effect on me. As was mentioned last night at house church, thinking of God’s big picture helps me to see an even greater value to prayer. Thinking of God’s big picture encourages me to live each moment for His glory alone. Thinking of God’s big picture opens my eyes to the hurting souls I come in contct with every day and those brothers and sisters far away whom I will never meet on this earth. Thinking of God’s big picture only brings good and hope to my day.

Today I read this (thanks for the unintentional tip, Robin). And it started my thoughts of God’s big picture. Slowly the thoughts of my imperfection melted as I thought of God’s perfection. Slowly the thoughts of this world’s trials and hurts melted away with the thought of this place Jesus is preparing for those who acknowlegde Him as Lord of all. Slowly my morning began to have purpose. And slowly hope crept into my smile. In and amongst my longing for this new Heaven and earth, I felt a part of something so much bigger than myself. And to start off my morning, I felt, once again, that I could actually use these flawed filthy-rags to make God’s name and true character known. Talk about a good way to start the day.

Thank You, God, for the hope of someday being perfect in You. That truly is something to strive for. I love You.

I finished!!!

Yesterday I finished reading Safely Home and it brought up thoughts. I’ve been wanting to tell you all about this book I’ve been reading and how it has made me feel, only I haven’t been convinced that I could articulate the thoughts that are circulating. Even now I’m not sure. Where should I begin? What should I say?

My house church decided to read this book and discuss it at our regular Sunday evening meetings. Initially I was quite weary about reading and discussing anything but the Bible, but due to Robin unknowingly encouraging me, I pick the book up. A novel? I thought. I bet it’ll be some cheesy Christian fiction. One of those ones that are more like a soap and less like a lifestyle choice. Stereotypical Christian. Stereotypical love life. One of those “Choose to wait” type high school youth group novels geared toward those who believe they can find more direction and guidance in a novel than the Truth of God. [Kinda close-minded, huh?]

In some ways the novel fit the stereotypical Christian novel qualifications. But in other areas… I could feel my mind opening. It was as if the King was saying, “Child, see. Truly see.”

I won’t give the novel away to you. I won’t tell the ending (especially since Robin hasn’t finished and she reads my entries sometimes). I will tell you things you could read on the back cover though (even though I never read the back cover). There a Chinese man, Li Quan, who has returned to China after visiting America and earning a high education at Harvard. He returns to his people in China and is a persecuted Christian. His old American roommate, Ben, has long forgotten any Christ thoughts and poured his soul into his business accomplishments, leaving his family in the dust. The two roommates meet in China after twenty or so years of silence. And the rest of the novel unfolds the persecution (sometimes detailed), the risks that are taken for God’s name’s sake, and the imprints that a radical Christian lifestyle has on Ben. While this book was classified as a fiction novel, the author based the book off of various stories of persecution that he had learned of on journeys of faith (missions trips).

I think the thing that struck me the most from this novel was the whole concept of Heaven’s sights verses earthly viewpoints. And in the contrast, God so orchestrated that my mind should begin to wrap itself around more of the eternal picture of life and less of the earthly viewpoint. I have thought and still think about the eternal impact of prayer. It’s power truly cannot be leashed. Suffering has presented itself as an honor and a blessing. Surely it’s nothing to be pitied.

Would I hold to my God so dearly that physical persecution would not harm my faith?
Would fear overcome me in the midst of torture?
Do I cling too much to things of this world forgetting the Source of the blessings?

The life of a martyr is breathtaking. And to think of the humility still kept while enduring all things for the sake of the cross (-Paul’s words, not mine-). Would we, could we dare as comfortable American Christians to forfeit our comfort for God’s glory?

One of a few keys points in the story remains trailing through my thoughts…
Li Quan spoke to Ben of his failed marriage with his wife. He spoke in pity that the American couple had not experienced the persecution that made his relationship with his wife so much stronger.

Lord, as much as I fear conflict. I pray for persecution. Lord, for then I know fully that the opposition arises when they see the light of Your face.

Maybe, just maybe, the ticket to fully relying on Christ and dying to yourself is not only to admit that you have been a sinner and accept his life, but also to loose all your comforts that you cling to in order to exalt the Lord… no matter what your life situation would look like afterward.

But that’s not what we want to hear.

But it’s Truth!

-These links are public facts that the author assimilated on his webpage. If confusion arises regarding any thoughts that the author has shared regarding heaven and other topics, please refer to the Word of God to answer all questions. You could ask me, but I can’t guarentee you any profound knowledge since I too am marveling and learning each day. Pray and ask God your hard questions. I cannot guarentee that He will answer your every question, but I can guarentee that He is listening and wants you to ask Him hard questions. –