As the days go on…

So this is what happens when you are sick: the world goes on and you are on the catch-up. After a week and a half of oogies, I think our brood is finally on the rebound. Abi missed the bugs – thank goodness, for that kid whined enough busting in her two top teeth to drive anyone to the edge. Good thing I was drugged numb (kidding). But poor Matt received sick wrath – FOR ONE DAY- while Rachael and I are still on the up rise from our suffering woes (cue the violins). If I could just vacuum suction out all the mucus (viewer rating tanks). ANYWAY.

So life is happening all around us. It feels like years since we’ve been outside and in the meantime some kind of huge deep red flower popped up in our backyard planter box. Perty cool, people. Perty cool.

Dakota has found herself a new home – it was her or Abi so alas, we opted to keep our daughter over the dog. But Dakota is and will continue to be well missed for a while yet. And, as with any family pet whom you have invested in and incorporated into your world, our love goes with her. Saturday was a sad drive to Indianapolis, but it is good to know that while the breed-specific shelter finds her a home her life is not in threat.

So with that change has come some decluttering (or simplifying, eh Jess) of our home as well. I’ve put up a clothes line in the backyard in efforts to thoroughly brand myself a “woman of another decade”. No really, I just think drying blankets and sheets, etc on the line as well as those “we can’t seem to get the stain out of them” whites is beneficial.

Only in picking up Material World from the library and thumbing through it a bit yesterday I’ve come to realize that clothes lines are more common than we “stuck in America’s movement” people may have imagined. Talk about a book to readjust your worldview, people. The book goes about the globe and selects homes around the world to do a homestudy upon. They take a picture of all the material goods a family possesses after moving them to the front lawn or such location near their home. Then the book compares similar needs, like toilets, food, etc cross-culturally. Amazing to think of how little some can live on compared to how much we may convince ourselves that we need.

And thus, we’ve also been thinking and praying and hoping and talking about our efforts toward adoption. Matt and I enjoyed date night conversation walking kidless around the mall (loathe summer heat). It’s so wonderful to get us-time to talk about what all we have been praying about and hoping regarding our family’s future. I HIGHLY recommend date nights with your husband/wife. Crucial in any marriage to be on the same page.

So alas, that has been our life lately. And next week we’ll celebrate Abi’s first birthday (falls over dead). How quickly the time flies!

But alas, I must get going, it has been requested that I come read to the children while they soak the bathmat with bath time bliss.

Hope you are fairing well.

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Invaluable, but with Expectation

You know more than once I’ve been accused of over-thinking. Who me (ahem)? But it is true. I confess to be a professional over-thinker. Life matters. Think much. Act smart. And I guess then I can never be accused of thinking too little. Instead you can slap the label of “thinking too late” on me. hehe.

So I’ve been thinking about parenting and Matt and I agreed on a car ride the other day that one important rule in parenting to teach to your children is that “What Mommy and Daddy says is law.” There is expectation and consequence in Mommy and Daddy’s words. It is not acceptable to trudge on without acknowledging that Mommy or Daddy has said, “no,” and don’t mess around in the realm of obedience expectation.

There’s a difference in forced and choice obedience. I don’t want our kids to obey because they have to, but because they want to please us. And yet in some instances, I’ll just take the obedience, regardless of the willingness displayed behind it. We’re not running a boot camp, here, but there are certainly clear expectations of quick responsiveness.

Rachael, bless her little heart (Southern slang for “Are you serious?”), has her moments of testing the law. No, people, she’s no felon at 2 and a 1/2, but she certainly feels the need to make a few waves sometimes. Yet I am reminded that while children have an amazing ability to remind you of the Fall out (reference: Genesis), their value should never be questioned in their minds (nor yours for that matter). It is not a matter of convincing myself that Rachael is an angel (an often misused and personally unfavored term) and always means no harm – have you seen that kid’s eyes, she’s not innocent. But she is and will always be invaluable in our eyes. Children are a blessing. I couldn’t agree more. And yet that blessing does not mean that in some moments she isn’t downright awful. =)

We’ve all been around the “seriously, do their parents set any boundaries?” kids before. The ones pushing their siblings down repetitively, whining uncontrollably, and the ones that cast off their parents’ direction as quickly as you flip channels on a “nothing’s on” night. And we’ve all been around the “do you even like your kids?” parents who seem to make it a personal goal to create and win a power struggle in every conversation with their child. Those poor “can I do anything right?” kids. So obviously this valuing while creating healthy boundaries balance is just that – a balance.

Now I’ve had my share of “hope no one’s taking notes” parenting embarrassments before; serving the baby steaming hot soup, handing the toddler a lollipop to make her shut up… we all have those head-smacking “please don’t model your parenting style on this moment” experiences… and I’m sure I’ll have more too, cuz perfection won’t happen until the new Jerusalem. But operating on a “just this once” parenting style with each passing circumstance won’t get the job done. Or let’s put it this way, in my experience I have seen it create a lot of ungrateful, selfish, unthoughtful kids that cycle through babysitters faster than a 6th grade dance attracts wallflowers.

Why am I blogging about this? I don’t know. Just thought it something to think about in my over-thinking ways.

Question of the day: How can you make your child feel valued while still setting healthy boundaries?

Every child is different, but the healthy boundaries are the same.

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Messy Truth

Isaiah 58: 6-11 –

“Is this not the fast which I choose, To loosen the bonds of wickedness, To undo the bands of the yoke, And to let the oppressed go free And break every yoke?
“Is it not to divide your bread with the hungry And bring the homeless poor into the house; When you see the naked, to cover him; And not to hide yourself from your own flesh?
“Then your light will break out like the dawn, And your recovery will speedily spring forth; And your righteousness will go before you; The glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.
“Then you will call, and the LORD will answer; You will cry, and He will say, ‘Here I am.’ If you remove the yoke from your midst, The pointing of the finger and speaking wickedness,
And if you give yourself to the hungry And satisfy the desire of the afflicted, Then your light will rise in darkness And your gloom will become like midday.
“And the LORD will continually guide you, And satisfy your desire in scorched places, And give strength to your bones; And you will be like a watered garden, And like a spring of water whose waters do not fail.”

Matthew 25: 31-46 –

“All the nations will be gathered before Him; and He will separate them from one another, as the shepherd separates the sheep from the goats;
and He will put the sheep on His right, and the goats on the left.
“Then the King will say to those on His right, ‘Come, you who are blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world.
‘For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in;
naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me.’
“Then the righteous will answer Him, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry, and feed You, or thirsty, and give You something to drink?
‘And when did we see You a stranger, and invite You in, or naked, and clothe You?
‘When did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?’
“The King will answer and say to them, ‘Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.’
“Then He will also say to those on His left, ‘Depart from Me, accursed ones, into the eternal fire which has been prepared for the devil and his angels;
for I was hungry, and you gave Me nothing to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me nothing to drink;
I was a stranger, and you did not invite Me in; naked, and you did not clothe Me; sick, and in prison, and you did not visit Me.’
“Then they themselves also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry, or thirsty, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not take care of You?’
“Then He will answer them, ‘Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to Me.’
“These will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.”

We followers of Christ are called to more than just our moment of salvation. And our evidence of our faith displayed through the fruit of our response to the poor and “the least of these” will have everlasting affects. I find it eye-opening that Christ chooses the presiding factors on which to weed the goats form the sheep to be “

For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in;
naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me,”(Matthew 25: 35-36). And here in Isaiah 58: 7 addresses directly the qualifiers of feeding the hungry, providing a home to the stranger or homeless person, and clothing the naked. This is not to imply that works are a salvation agent, but instead that a life of works for the poor is evidence of a true faith.

It is challenging to delve into the dirt and the “messy” lifestyles of others. Christ doesn’t qualify clothing the naked only if they are interested in Jesus or only if they promise to get a job to clothe themselves. Yet as Matt learned this morning through Acts 4 it should be Jesus’ name that compels us to preach and serve. And we need to be careful not just to love and provide for the poor and the needy because “you’re loved,” or “we care about you,” or even because “we just wanted to bless you,” but instead because we have come in Jesus’ name (Acts 4:10). It is Jesus that gives us the fire and the heart to run to the needy with open arms.

So today, whose name am I coming in?

And am I even coming?

– praying for eyes wide open to the Truth.

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I Can’t Go Back.

Orphan Summit 2011 was wonderful, overwhelming, and inspiring. Much unlike the familiar guilt-trip driven orphan care seen in infomercial ads, the Summit focused on the hope and compassion God stirs within His people for orphans and the poor. The Summit focused on being compelled to reach out and serve and love and provide for orphans because we were once orphans adopted by God and now are called His family. I could fill this blog with hours of information and emotions and out-pouring from the two days of heartfelt encouragement and empowerment for the Body of Christ to go forth and fulfill God’s commands to care for the needy. So instead of hitting you with it all today, I plan on sharing with you and anyone else I meet for the rest of my life. When God’s called receive His instructions, we are compelled to run to the labor with full abandonment. Or another way to say it, in quotation of Sara Groves: “I saw what I saw and I can’t deny it. I heard what I heard and I can’t go back. I know what I know and there’s no substitution. Something on the road, cut me to the soul. Your pain has changed me. Your dreams inspire. Your face a memory. Your hope a fire. Your courage asks me what I’m afraid of …and what I know of love…”

Matt and I are left in a place of prayer. We know we are called to adopt. We don’t know where. We don’t know how. We don’t know when. We don’t know who. But all we know is that we must find out. And we’re not interested in merely a humanitarian act – we just want to obey Jesus. So we’re praying hard and asking our friends and family to come alongside of us and pray with us.

The pivotal moment in the weekend for me was sitting down to the provided lunch, while waiting to bag some food to send to those dying of starvation far across the world. Matt and I had come with every expectation to work throughout our lunch process, shoveling down lunch quickly to allow for more time. Jesus compelled me but a statistic resounded in my head, “2 people for 2 hours of labor in bagging food equals 1 child’s year worth of food supply.” We were planning to fill small bags approximately the size of two stationary envelopes with a highly concentrated rice, mineral, and powdered protein formula. I ate my lunch quietly, listening to the “background” music that blared loudly beside me from computer speakers. It was an African children’s choir, singing Revelation song (the one Kari Jobe released). And in that moment God taught my heart in a very real way – these voices were singing straight scripture: “Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God, Almighty Who was and is and is to come. With all creation I sing, praise to the King of Kings…”

It blew me away that from merely me taking time to fill a bag of food, there could be a brother or sister in Christ standing beside me in the new Jerusalem that would have otherwise not been there. In that moment, and in each moment thereafter, it had nothing to do with me helping someone and everything to do with my obedience to God’s commands. God’s command to go and to make disciples, God’s command to take care of the poor and needy, God’s command to do unto the least of these, God’s command to provide for the widow and the orphan… it all flooded through my mind- obedience felt that much more critical. I don’t have to sell all my possessions and move to a third world country, but my obedience is directly tied to what I do today to obey the Lord. My obedience is directly tied to how I serve the least of these today, from the comforts of my home, from the way I teach my kids about God’s heart, from the way I help structure our family values and our family goals, from the way I use my money, from the next conversation I have…. TODAY – not tomorrow or some futuristic goal of later having more funds or time or devotion. Today!

I can’t possibly describe to you how my heart feels or what it feels like to have God pull the blinders off to His heart for the poor and the needy. I can’t possibly begin to put into words how much more than smiling at a homeless man or volunteering once a year at a food bank or how much more than doing a 30 hour famine awareness once a year with the youth it is to have God’s heart regarding the poor. But brothers and sisters in Christ, it is our responsibility to pass on to our children that “to much is given, much is expected”. It is our responsibility to pour ourselves out that one more may come to know God in His abundant love and provision for our souls.

The world is filled with one “I can’t” after another. But what I have found regarding the poor and the needy and the orphan is that a family, regardless of financial status, who has a heart for the orphan and the widow and the needy will pour themselves out through prayer, conversations, collecting spare change, awareness, walking alongside missionaries in their endeavors to blog about God’s work around the world, creative fundraisers, and doing everything they can to keep open eyes and gain a more Godly worldview so that through that family our Lord will be glorified. And Matt and I desperately want our family to have an accurate worldview, that God’s heart would compel us and direct our steps to bring Him the most glory possible.

It just all boils down to this… In Christ there are 2 kinds of Christians: those that merely receive Christ and those that become saints. I’m not talking some weirdo “check me out, I rock” title. I’m talking about those that have jewels on their throwing-at-Jesus’-feet-crowns and have sold themselves out for the utter and complete Glory of God and God alone. And I agree (once again with Sara Groves) that “when the saints go marching in, I want to be one of them.” When I stand before Jesus I am going to have so much to say regarding my lackings, but I want to also be able to cling to Him and say, “Jesus, I tried so hard – even though I failed in so many ways- I poured myself out because I wanted so much of You and I wanted to make so much of You.”

– that is if I’ll be able to speak at all.

(praying and thinking and longing)

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Guilty As Charged

I read an article in a Christian Parenting magazine the other day while waiting to pick up the Kindergartner I watch after school. The article title? Getting over Guilt. Beyond the sheer entertainment of the author’s self-portrait of standing with baby on hip and her hand to her head with an “I blew it expression”, I found it interesting as the author spoke of sending her guilty situation through “the Three G Test”.

G #1: Gifts. Guilt gives you the opportunity to re-evaluate what is and is not on your list of gifts. Ex. Some people rock it up at baking – I do NOT! Therefore, instead of feeling guilty that I didn’t think of bringing in a piping hot plate of cookies for the next youth group function, I can default to something I am gifted at and serve the youth in another way. End result? The youth get served. AKA Success!

G #2: Growth. Guilt can spur you on to growth. Ex. You stink at doing the laundry so you feel guilty for being selfish all the time and avoiding the laundry resulting in doing the laundry to avoid feeling guilty. (You know, just pulling a situation out of mid air here – cough.) Voila! – productive guilt. But I really likes this statement from the article: “While I am not a naturally ‘gifted’ homemaker, I cannot use that as an excuse to let my home become a sty. And while I am no more gifted in the area of ‘child management’ than I am in home management, that cannot be an excuse to let my kids rule the roost.” So true. So true. A stinger and so true.

G #3: Grace. You’ll never be good at everything and guilt is inevitable when you fail so you are super blessed to have God’s grace in the whole teaching process. God continually offers grace in your efforts and your failures. And you cannot experience grace without first experiencing guilt. AKA, I’m not thankful for the undeserved gift of grace if I still feel like I could have done it on my own.

I just thought this article was neat and helpful in terms of motherly guilt. And so in those next guilty moments, instead of standing there and feeling sorry for myself, I’m going to try to think about the three G test. Was it even a gift of mine that I was trying to accomplish or was it a greener grass on the other side of the fence moment? Am I using my guilt as a crutch or growing through the guilt? And is this guilt another opportunity to acknowledge God’s grace during my mistakes?

– Just a few guilty thoughts. =)

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A Grateful Perspective

My husband and I had a conversation tonight about the art of living on a budget. I call it an art because it really can be a challenge to live within your means while still feeling the reality of the utter luxury we have in our “means.” It’s so easy to lose oneself in the “new fads” of today. My kid needs the newest of this. My wardrobe is not complete without the newest of that… Now don’t get me wrong a little spoiling is not a problem, but it’s important to live within our means.

Living within your means is not popular. Look at the government for example (no, I really won’t go there). Commercials fail when we live within our means. Fad fashions fail when we live within our means. Extra storage space fails when we live within our means. And Spring cleaning gets easier when we live within our means.

But for some reason living within our means has become a synonym of the word poor. It’s like choosing not to have credit card debt is a lifestyle of the past – everyone is just getting by on the minimum payments, John, get with the program here. It’s like going out to get an ice cream cone as a family is no longer spoiling, but an expectation. I sincerely hope and pray that a gift or a random spoiling is not normally considered an expectation in the eyes of my children. They have no right to spoilings – and it’s not because I’d rather be selfish and keep the extras for myself. But it is out of the same sincere love for my kids that I give and I choose not to give.

There is such danger in raising a kid that expects overabundance. I’m not talking about expecting food and clothing and shelter and the basics – I certainly hope Rachael and Abi expect, and even beyond that, trust that all that they need will be provided for them by Matt and I – And really where the credit is due: God. But I believe the value in gratefulness is portrayed in not getting everything you want. When you don’t have all the new trends you are given the opportunity to value what you do have. I’m not saying we’re planning on intentionally depriving our kids, but I am saying that need and want are two different things that God is entrusting us to teach our kids (as we learn ourselves at times. [clears throat]).

Growing up not once did I doubt my parents’ love for me. Not once did I doubt their dedication in raising my sister and I to value and appreciate and respect and have self-control about things. Sure I wanted stuff I didn’t get. Sure I wasn’t wearing the coolest clothes. Sure we didn’t have the newest toys. And I don’t regret that. I don’t feel a loss in my childhood. Yes, my sister and I were teased – what kid out there wasn’t teased? My sis and I didn’t look like slobs. But we also didn’t buy our clothes from a designer shop. My mother was frugal and she still is darn good at being frugal without looking poor. (Holla, Mom!) Thrift store shopping is an art, not just a fun hobby. I mean come on, if you can enter a thrift store and leave with a wardrobe that looks like you shopped at Kohls then you need some serious props given. (Again, Holla, Mom!)

Growing up I remember having the cousin who “had everything.” Now I know quite well that they didn’t really have everything, but it sure seemed like it. I remember how different it was to meet blessed people in my life and those that felt the need to make you feel jealous of their wealth. I remember thinking others spoiled and mean for their pride in having the newest and “best” things on the market. But I also remember going home to my familiar dolls and toys and enjoying hours of play without begrudging my parents for deprivation. I spent hours on end outside playing when I grew up and to this day I really can’t remember much of anything in particular that I played with out there. So whomever claims that stuff makes memories, I know that one’s a lie.

I’m not just some bitter poor kid. I just have been taught to find value beyond things. And I hope to teach that to my kids.

The youth group is getting ready to have their annual 30 hour famine again. It’s the time of the year when we intentionally look at other countries and the poorest of the poor through the eyes of Christ. We try our hardest to drop our spoiled natures and I-can’t-believe-I-don’t-have’s to see true need at it’s purest form. Talk about humbling, people! Every year God uses the 30 hour famine to blow me out of the water. Everything I thought I needed suddenly looks quite stupid. Everything I thought my kids needed suddenly pails in comparison to the utter raw need. Not once have I ever doubted that my kids would be able to eat or survive a common illness. And it’s not just for the sake of guilt that the 30 hour famine exists. What good is a 30 hour famine if it remains in a once per year category?

Life changes occur when we see our families in the real light.

We are among the riches people in this world if we own a car and live in a stable home and have food on the table and money to spend at a store and health care and… and… the list can go on and on. It’s not enough to merely smile at that fact – God calls to my heart, “How are you using that child?” It’s not enough just to sponsor some kid and think that cuts me off the hook. How am I teaching my kids to value? What am I teaching them to value? What am I teaching them about wants and needs? What am I allowing myself to think about wants and needs?

To much that is given, much is expected.

I used to think that when the Bible talked about that it was referring to just a spiritual gift. Or maybe even just those that are really wealthy. It was so much easier to exclude myself from that category and think of all my I-can’t-s and my if-only-we-had-more-money’s.

What a challenge to be conscious of the underlying messages I allow myself to receive through commercials. Or will I allow myself to live a life in which I’m so stuck in it’s-never-enough that I can’t move forward to I-have-plenty,-here-have-some!

Am I so stuck on me that I am forgetting my work here?

Rachael and Abi, when you grow up, I really hope you won’t look back and think “we never got everything we wanted” but instead think, “we got more than we needed.” And if ever you have some desire to parent your kids in a different way than I parented you, please just know in your hearts, that I tried so hard to show you Jesus – and yet I failed in so many ways.

May my next opportunity to teach gratefulness and perspective be a success.

– in Christ alone.

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