I have this home-improvement vibe about me again today. I’m sure it’s the nesting hormonal prego fun. But today I just might get the opportunity to employ it properly – our house is a wreck. I look around this room and think of the others nearby and all these projects jump out and beg for attention. When was the last time the shelves were ever cleaned? (Ha!) Does that stained blanket really accent the fireplace well? How about those crusty windows? Or what about those cluttered shelves? Those things have been put off for a rainy day. And you know what? Rain’s in the forecast for today. So, now my greatest challenge is not what to do or where to start, for I appear to have A LOT of choices, but my greatest challenge is how to convince my weekly five year old that washing the windows is fun.

Let’s see how I can become creative enough to entertain while still producing good cleaning results. Let the challenge begin – well, as soon as I get showered and feed Rachael and Lexi – oh and then there’s the dog, gotta pay attention to the dog… and… the……

=)

*** The proceeding two and a half days after this post I moved 2 bookshelves, 1 queen sized bed (needing Matt’s help on the matress), one dresser, a file cabinet, a TV, a nightstand, some 200 books, revamped the shelving by the fireplace, cleaned out the file cabinet (shredding it’s unneeded contents), cleaned out the fireplace, baby proofed/organized our new “office” space, organized 4 junk piles, and set up a play room. Oh, plus a greater contribution to laundry an dishes and the regular cleaning. I’d say that was a highly effective use of my home-improvement bug. =)

Read 1 Peter 4 today. I had not initially intended to read 1 Peter 4, I was going for Acts, but my hands opened to 1 Peter 3 which we’ve been studying in church so I decided to give it a read-through. At it’s conclusion I pressed on to 1 Peter 4 and God spoke quite loudly amid the silence of the moment.

Feel free to checkout 1 Peter 4: 1-11 on your own, but I wanted to include here what all He taught me though the passage.

1 Peter 4: 1-11
*NASB translation of God’s word
*(my understanding of scripture)

Forward: Paul is writing to Christians.

Therefore, since Christ has suffered in the flesh (hence the cross),
arm yourselves also with the same purpose (that suffering is not uncommon to Christ-followers),
because he who has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin (think about the power of that statement in light of the cross – and yet he still had no sin, chose no sin),
so as to live the rest of the time in the flesh no longer for the lusts of men, but for the will of God. (So therefore, when we are in Christ we are to follow Christ’s example in not living for the lusts of men, but for God. The power of that statement carries such a great weight – a lifestyle worthy of pursuit)
For the time already has past is sufficient for you to have carried out the desire of the Gentiles, having pursued course of sensuality, lusts, drunkenness, carousing, drinking parties and abominable idolatries. (AKA your past has held enough sin for a lifetime and you’ve had plenty of opportunity in the past for sinning)
In all this, they (mankind, and especially those not in Christ) are surprised that you do not run with them into the same excesses of dissipation (Christ-followers are not – or should not be- indulging in the same sins of the past),
and they malign you; but they will give account to Him who is ready to judge the living and the dead. (Refocusing us on the end-picture that all will stand before God therefore we should seek no personal revenge or spend further time dwelling on the hurts from those who are not in Christ mocking those in Christ. That’s just the world and all in the world will stand in judgement and receive a reward for their faithfulness or a retribution for their wrongs.)
For the gospel has for this purpose been preached even to those who are dead (the gospel has been preached to those not in Christ for this very purpose…),
that though they are judged in the flesh as men, they may live in the spirit according to the will of God. (So through Christ all are given the opportunity to refute the flesh, despite being stuck for the time being in he flesh, and pursue God. We are already sinner by merely being in the flesh – who out there has not committed a sin? – yet we are given the chance to live in the spirit and rise above our fleshly lifestyles.)
The end of all things is near; therefore, be of sound judgement and sober spirit for the purpose of prayer. (Never thought of needing to be of sound judgement and sober spirit for the purpose of prayer, but it makes sense that if you spend less time asking God for forgiveness of your own actions then you are able to spend more time praying for others.)
Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins. (When you view someone in love, regardless of where they stand in regards to the cross, you see their fallacy and it is easier for your heart to focus on their need for Christ instead of the disgust of sins.)
Be hospitable to one another without complaint. (Oh how many times I have been hospitable to another and later complained in my mind about their ungratefulness, how shallow and how totally missing the point of hospitality. Hospitality is not earned, it is merely a gift without an expectation.)
As each one has received a special gift (fruits of the spirit and talents given us from God),
employ it (your gift) in serving one another as good stewards of the manifold grace of God. (Don’t be selfish in holding onto your gift, but use it to serve others – as was it’s purpose.)
Whoever speaks, is to do so as one who is speaking the utterances of God; (talk about a harness for the tongue. Could you imagine if we all spoke under such pretenses?)
whoever serves is to do so as one who is serving by the strength which God supplies; (how often I have served by the strength of my own hands only to reach exhaust and no longer be useful in furthering the gospel because I’m so focused on self when tired. )
so that in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom belongs the glory and dominion forever and ever. (What we put into our relationship in Christ speaks volumes about the authority and glory that should be given to Christ and Christ alone. For we are being watched constantly by those looking to make excuses for running from the faith. Oh that we might glorify God and keep it afresh on our minds to glorify God no matter what may come.)
Amen.

– Thank you, Lord, for your teaching this morning. Thank you that you still choose to use this broken vessel to share your Truth. I’m so not worthy, yet still you want me. Thank you, Lord.

God woke me up early again this morning. And I’m talking early- ten til 5am again. It always starts with having to pee (which is quite often the case being prego) but then my mind won’t shut off and God has taken the opportunity yet again to remind me of the work He wants me to do. And I find myself stuck somewhere between a Jonah (rebel) and a David (complainer). Wonder how many mornings He’s going have to work on me still?

Do you remember Jacob in the Old Testament? He was quite the waverer when it comes to God, but there was his one shining moment in which God renamed his Israel. You remember that night depicted when he wrestled with the Holy Spirit all night and then the Spirit touched his leg where there would forever be a reminder of his wrestling? I’ve been looking for my scar lately too but I have yet to find it so maybe that means the wrestling is far from over.

It’s like there’s a place in my mind that knows the fruit in obedience, I’ve tasted it. Yet this Philistine inside me trembles at the Goliath before me. And the more time passes, the more I convince myself that partial obedience will satisfy. “Maybe I’m just not meant for winning this battle.” I settle in my unrighteousness. And that comfort breathes relief for a night or two, but then the morning comes – especially the early morning.

Matt and I had a great conversation about the conflicts of man and God. It’s always fun to pick your brain with another and sharpen iron. This time the focus was on the fallacy of the Word. It’s incredible to me how many churches can pick and choose what they want in God’s character, in other words, saying parts of Scripture are and are not true. It’s as if it’s a menu, “Yes, I’ll take that platter, but hold the onions, forget the red sauce, I’ll have the cheese sauce instead and yes, can I substitute the fries with a side salad?” Who do we think we are in telling God what is and what is not in His character? But when you boil down to the roots of it, the primary struggle is not just one of having an improper view of Deity, but that of trying to elevate ourselves to a god status. “I know a loving God wouldn’t..” Really? Do you really venture to say you know the mind of God? Are you really that good to know the mind of the creator of all things? Have you really fooled yourself so? For surely if you know the mind of God, then you yourself must be God. And then how can one save themselves from themselves? How come we think we are so big to dictate that we will accept the salvation of the cross and yet were chucking out the wrath part, or the part where it says man is not to sleep with another man, or the part where it says we’re to have no other gods before God? How really have we fooled ourselves into believing we are wise enough to choose for ourselves what is and is not good for us from God?

And yet again I find myself at the same stumbling block, stuck somewhere between a Jonah and a David. My rebellion calls out: I don’t want to open this can of worms, I just want to stay here and be comfortable… look no real harm is coming to me thus far… this must still be not too bad. Ho easy it is to rationalize where I’m at and still dream for the reward given to those who step out in faith.

“All right, all right,” I finally tell God. “You are right. I will do it. I’m scared as all get out and I’m not comfortable and I’m one of your whiny ones, but I’ll be an obedient whiny one.”

I remember my mom telling me one piece of advice around my wedding time and she repeated this same piece of advice around Rachael’s birth time: don’t pull away from your friends completely and only focus on your family because one day you’ll realize you needed your friends.

I have pondered with Miranda what has made our friendship last. What did we do to bypass change with normalcy? When did we both reside in our hearts that even a once every three month conversation was worth more than letting go of our friendship? What made us last as friends during the constant changes?

Even the greatest intentions of friendship and the greatest promises of “standing by each others side” don’t necessarily remain through the changes.

I remember promising so many California friends that I would always write and would miss them terribly. Yet as was true to my 3rd grade character, writing wasn’t always fun – it took work. And it seemed as if life just went on when we left and so did our lives. Two different worlds spinning simultaneously and yet feeling like they were so out of sync.

Elementary school proved its own friends that would “always be there” until Jr. High hit and the big building seemed to swallow them alive. And then there’s the “we can make it, our friendship will last” pep talks we gave to our Jr. High friendships as we crossed the road to the High school. When we reached the other side, I realised I was alone.

The High school signatures with the “we’ll always keep in touch” meant nothing to me after watching so many friends disappear. I remember even telling one of my sister’s friends who said she would keep in touch, “No, you’ll probably keep in touch for a little, primarily though my sister, and then after a few months you’ll carry on with your life and me with mine.” I remember how offended I made her feel. Yet those words became truth regarding me. She’s still an active friend of my sister’s though.

College is nothing but change, growing and learning lessons. Seems like each year your friends changed but just a few remained – maybe a small handful. And your identity was so much tied into your friends. Finally you found the people you would always live your life with, share your joys with and grow with. And then graduation. Some made the awkward transition into life and most either returned for grad school or ventured off into the unknown.

And when it’s all said and done and you start to settle in the comforts of “your own little world” and your normalcies you begin to wonder… what made these few friendships last? Look at the odds they faced!

Investment. Who wants to invest in something vanishing? Who wants to see their time given to something that fails? How conditioned are we for the win? And part of me is grateful to have spent time getting to know so many people. And part of me wishes I would have just spent my time investing in the few that stayed.

It’s odd how graduations, marriages, moving, children, pets, extended family, and so many things break apart otherwise good friendships.

I wonder if friendships fall apart because the friend has been replaced. I think this can be the case in marriage for certain. Some people can only handle so many people being close to them. So when there is the option of friends who are “here and now” verses an old friendship, there will be obvious weeding out. Some people are quite the opposite where they pick their few and no matter what happens they will always be their friends. And yet, how can the two types of friends exist together in one friendship? I guess it just depends on how long the second friend will tolerate their depth of friendship not being returned. Oh how complicated friendships can be. And if I were honest, some days I just don’t want to try. Some days I just want to flock to the easy friendships and bail out on the harder ones.

Time is so limited. You don’t find time, you MAKE time. But even so you can only make so much time in one day. And with that made time, I truly want to spend that time on friendships that will last.

“Just give it some time,” I’ve been told in wisdom.

But time is so hard to afford sometimes.

Friendship can be so worth it… and so …. not.

– just some rambling and thinking… –

I find it easier to explain things in terms of a future conversation I may have with Rachael. So much of our world is a new place to the child that I’ve often thought about how I would explain it all to Rachael. Often times I think we get so caught up in our daily lives that we parents forget that little eyes are trying to learn all about their world from our example. And honestly, when God catches me and reminds me of that I wonder if Rachael could learn much better from someone else.

Pastor Steve preached a sermon today that touched my heart. Mom talked about it a bit at lunch today and I remained silent because so much of me was still processing it. Pastor spoke of suffering for Jesus. Now as soon as the topic arises I realize it comes with a bunch of groaning and moaning from those who have heard so many similar sermons. I too had to stop myself from brushing off the teaching as “not about me” or “not for me” since I am not some heroic missionary burning at the steak or spreading the gospel in Africa. Persecution is something I don’t claim to fully understand in terms of the severity of the persecution in the past and, despite hushed away reality, the persecution of today. Pastor explained that persecution is on a scale from a simple slander thrown at you for choosing righteousness all the way to death for the sake of Christ.

This sermon was not merely for the purpose of informing us that we now have a new addition to our list of complaints in all the times that we have been persecuted, but instead flipped the script. If we are not being persecuted in any way in our lives, where’s the proof for your righteousness? Righteousness in Rachael terms, which really help me to practically understand, can be described as working toward perfection in Christ (sanctification) or just resolving for today that you will choose Jesus when given every opportunity. Oh the flesh is given every opportunity to glorify itself throughout the day, from the small frustrations to the “why does this always happen to us” moments. But righteousness is choosing in each opportunity to glorify Jesus. In your mind, you have stricken yourself only to choose a path glorifying to Christ. Some days are easier than others.

You see, faithfulness is what we should hope to attain. When we stand before Christ someday what will He say? Will it be a powerful, yet merely “through the blood, you may enter” or will He say, “well done, good and faithful servant”? I think I often get overwhelmed by the thought of faithfulness, especially after I screw up yet again. I can feel that I have busted my track record yet again and wiped the slate clean of any accrued faithfulness and I’m back to square one. But I am sure those ‘old faithful’s and even Paul himself felt like utter failures in their lives. I know my motivation is what Christ would say, but Christ’s words are often so contrary to my feeble mind’s understanding that I have no idea if I am being faithful or not. So I find myself wondering what other Christians who really are wanting Jesus would say about my life. Would I be called a faithful follower of Christ? One who’s “on fire” for Jesus? Oh don’t get me wrong, my thoughts of what others would think of me do not consume my pressing on, but sometimes it’s just easier for me to understand success and failure in common sense terms. Ultimately I know that nothing I can do will change how God feels about me. Yet still a prize awaits us, a prize that will be thrown at the feet of Jesus because we still remain unworthy of the Lamb that was slain.

Righteousness includes so much more than just your gut reaction, though your gut reaction can say a lot about where your foundation lies. But righteousness is a daily choice – a daily mindset. Some days I find it easier to firmly plant my feet in righteousness. The environment is so loving and nurturing of my growth. The day just seems to steal my mind away to Christ. And then there seems to be “every other day” when righteousness is a fight. Choosing Christ is contrary to my sin nature. Choosing Christ’s mind is contrary to my selfishness and fleshly wants. Christ will always be contrary to the darkness for Light cannot have darkness in it. Light is the absence of darkness and Light exposes darkness for its ugliness. Yes it’s easier to hide away or “try tomorrow” to be righteous because suffering through persecution (no matter how minimal persecution may be) has a cost and hurts. But there is only gain ahead of us. Who else can say that apart from Christ? No one. There is only gain in all that awaits those who endure this world. For joy comes in the morning. And there will be those who “just barely made it” into heaven through the blood of Christ and then there will be those who God’s word describes in Revelations as the martyrs and those oppressed for the sake of the Gospel. No bragging rights come to those with extra jewels on their crowns to throw at Christ’s feet for all crowns will be cast. But who wants to half live? Who wants to spend their days here on this earth and have nothing to show for their efforts? Who wants to merely waste their time here? Isn’t Jesus worth so much more than that? Isn’t Jesus worth not only our obedience, but our willing and faithful service? Or has the cross become merely a casual conversation of the past? Has the suffering and dying of Jesus Christ for us “while we were yet sinners” become merely a Truth in which we can build our coach-potato lifestyles of comfort and ease?

Please don’t think that I am speaking only to others and not of myself as well.

Is Christ not more than enough?

Is Christ not more than worth it?