Well, it’s spring break and I’m busier than ever. [I really hate the word “busy”.] I went to a work training tonight which reminded me again of how much I am not cut out to be a teacher and how much I don’t want to be at my work anymore. But I also need to stop complaining and suck it up. It’s paying me. And I need to give it my all even when I get upset about spending so much of my life there. God has it in my life for a reason. [… sorry about my processing here… pep talks are sometimes a necessity.]

Random cute thing from today?
Four year old Christopher Turner (Pastor’s kid) told me about a character in a new movie they rented from the library.
Christopher: His name is google.
Rachel (7 year old older sis): No, Christopher. Google’s a website. Noogle’s a name. His name is Noogle.

So, yeah… this spring break finds me running around like a headless chicken at times. And at other times, with headphones lost in Les Mis. And other times, overwhelmed with the excitement of the upcoming August 25th. And at other times, wishing I could somehow convince a dear friend that she is not alone, despite a very draining job that seems to be “the only thing available”. And at other times… dear friends, I must admit that at other times I just wish that the silence of my own thoughts would be able to overcome me. That overwhelming feeling of being pulled in every direction all at once leaves you with the realization that in your mind you are still standing still. And to progress forward, sometimes you must visit the past experiences to release them from yourself. I guess this is the thought process of an introvert stuck in the expectation of extroversion. Sometimes, you just wonder if you’ll ever start living in the today if only you’d get the chance to let go of the yesterday that has been stifled until quiet time permits it’s release.

Heavy it weighs at times.

Heavy.

– a friend emailed this to me and I thought it was cool. and I don’t even like Math! =)

From a strictly Mathematical Viewpoint:

What Equals 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been in situations where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 101%? What equals 100% in life?

Here’s a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these Questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 1 9 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R- K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

AND, look how far the love of God will take you

L- O- V- E-O-F-G-O-D

12+15+22+5+15+6+7+15+4 = 101%

Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that:
While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it’s the Love of God that will put you over the top!

May the Love of God be your life.

WHAT a task!!!

I woke up this morning and God spoke to me instantly…

much is coming,

much to be excited about.

Funny thing? The message came in a hidden picture. I was looking online for a website that Tamara had suggested for personal studies. Being as how my personal studies really bite the big one lately… I wanted to find some Bible Study material to learn myself. Being a big ol’ nerd… I was really looking forward to sinking in to study, study, study the Word. But I couldn’t find the website. So.. I’ll be contacting Tamara soon.

Nonetheless, I did find a random website that made me wonder about Apex’s site. So I turned to Apex’s site and looked under the “listen” section to check out Rob’s sermons. I scrolled down the page a bit and realized that the page went much further than I imagined. I smiled a painful smile as I read the sermon titles that I sat throught. A little hurt grew up in my heart as I thought about leaving it Apex. Then there was a time period that I wasn’t familiar with. Way back in 2002… April 21… “When God gets ahold of Estrogen”. It was funny but I wondered what Rob sounded liek when Apex started. Back in the dark ages… in the beginning…. of Apex. I clicked on the sound clip and my friend’s voice blared from the recording. I smiled thinking of how “little” Rob sounded. And how poorly it was recorded. Rob introduced Proverbs 31, the first half, and promised to continue the second half the following week. But a few words rang in my ears… words in passing… “I just wanted to thank all the people who helped in moving us in here this week…” the congregation cheered. A biginning was established.

I thought about Matt’s beginning. I thought about the opportunities Matt has right now to preach, even prior to him attending Seminary. God is truly at work in him. But in that statement, fear arose… I just don’t feel I’m good enough. I just don’t feel like I’m that kind of women. Ever felt inadequate for God’s work? I really do. And I allow it to scare me.

“How big is God?” I used to ask the kids at work.
“He’s bigger than…” began their train of thought as they proceeded to list everything big that they could think of.

Monica, How big is God?

A beginning has such an adventurous start, such an exciting start… and when I get fearful, I wish I’d look at how big God is and stop relying on my sight.

Oh, but I’m not going to lie… my sight is often my default. “Just have faith” a pastor could say… oh and it wouldn’t be untruthful.

But sometimes I just feel… inadequate.

But I will go. I will go. Lord, I will go!
And I will learn what “by faith and not by site” truly means.

For the glory of the Lord
[I surely can’t do it.]
For the glory of the Lord!

And I need to hold to that.
Oh, how I need to hold to that.